Botoks

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INSPIRED BY ACTUAL EVENTS

My hip hurts,

take me to the hospital.

Don't let them examine you;

they might find something

Stay home, mom, you'll be ok.

I'll make you some herbal tea.

Hold onto me.

Hey, moron.

I'll give you f***ing moron.

Sonny.

Mom kicked the f***ing bucket.

Oh f***, daddy.

I guess we drink today.

Daniela, Darek, your dad went in

the street and was hit by a car.

Dad?

Dad.

Please don't shake him. Lay him

flat and stabilize his head.

F*** off, f*ggot.

Let's cover him up.

He's got the f***ing shakes.

Darek, bend his head back.

Give me your phone.

I need to make a call.

Not like that, you'll choke him.

What's the emergency number?

999, I guess

- Hello.

- He's dead.

No, nothing now.

We almost saved him.

Maybe I could be a paramedic.

Crew number 3 to 21 Arbuzowa Str.

I can't open it, help me.

Because?

I can't move.

Come through the window, hurry.

Hold onto that doggie.

We got it on, and I clamped.

You need to go to the hospital

with that clamped vulva.

Get the stretcher, doc.

Ania?

Darek, you're a doctor?

You barely graduated.

Medicine's like the movies.

I bought my degree.

You wouldn't show it to me in

high school, so I'll see it now.

Don't let my father in here, please.

He'll kill me.

- What's going on here?

- Don't go in, your daughter's ill.

- Ania, what's going on?

- Leave dad, they can't examine me.

What's this?

Ok, hold her boyfriend down.

We have to put them on a stretcher.

F***!

I've heard that now

they can sew fingers back on.

I'm not looking for it.

F*** it, four are enough.

Ask her boyfriend to

cough it back up.

Got a guy with a head injury, not

making contact.

Repeat, no contact.

No contact? What the f***?

What happened to him?

They beat the sh*t out of him, stole

his phone, so we can't contact him.

The guy's hopped the twig.

Here's the hangman.

F***, look at these hot shoes.

My size, I'm taking them.

Got a child that fell off

a second-story balcony.

- What's his name?

- Sylwus.

Sylwus, look.

Sylwus.

Bam, bam, bam...

Bam, bam, bam...

A Matchbox car.

Look, bam, look...

It's ok, look a Matchbox car.

Come on.

He's all right.

The dude shoved a four meter phone

cable up his dick into his bladder.

A f***ing champ.

Did you want to contact

the phone company?

Give me some Pavulon.

This must be the worst day

of your life, huh?

Because I met that b*tch.

A woman reports her husband and

son have drowned in a lake.

You have to certify the deaths.

Gone to St. Peter.

Gone to St. Peter.

She's in f***ing despair, but I'm

running out of f***ing Dizol.

Ok, we've confirmed the deaths

of Pawel and Marcin.

Marcin's right here alive.

That's Maciek.

I'm sorry, kid.

Some queer shoved a bottle

of shampoo up his ass.

It's out.

- Where's the bathroom?

- There.

F***, it's still foaming.

Rotavirus.

The ambulance crew,

completely drunk.

- Stop them!

- Hey!

Stop! Stop!

I'm pregnant with Arek.

I'm moving in with him and

starting over fresh.

That really ticks me off.

Darek, hon, we'll invite you over.

That's not our uncle.

Daddy told you a bunch of sh*t.

5 months later

Arek doesn't want me.

I take up too much room.

I'm not going back to live in

that dive with my brother.

I guess I have to change my life.

My neighbour's going to England

to look after her grandchild.

I'll ask if I can rent

her flat cheaply.

Five flowerpots in every corridor.

And after the inspection, sir?

Throw them out.

I don't want to see patients in

such condition during the visit.

What should we do with them?

Put them in a locked ward.

We'll let them out after

we get ISO accreditation.

Let's look at a typical room.

Good morning, good morning.

We'll be examining you soon, ma'am.

Sir...

it's me, Stasia.

Good, Stasia, let's have a look at you.

Stasia the orderly.

Sir, do we air out the

operating room, too?

I want everything beautiful,

fresh, and sweet-smelling.

Our operating rooms.

Was that a sparrow?

There's our cafeteria.

Where are they running to?

The toilet. Unfortunately,

one out of ten patients.

But we're the only hospital that

has no problems with abortions

and stands by the woman

for better or worse.

Down's syndrome doesn't fit us,

I don't want such a child.

Do something to make it go away.

How far along are you?

Five and half months.

The law says 12 weeks.

But if genetic tests show defects

you can legally abort to 21 weeks.

Bring your test results and

a psychologist's ok and we'll do it.

But I'm 22 weeks now.

We had to wait for the test results.

Up to 21 weeks it's a foetus.

Starting at 22 it's a child.

But there's a way around it.

We count pregnancy from the date

of your last period,

which can be falsified

in the system.

Then we can do the procedure.

Now I'll give you a drug vaginally

to relax your cervix.

Why?

You'll have contractions, bleeding,

and then give birth to the baby.

Will it be alive?

Rather.

Do you want to say goodbye?

Take it away from me.

I want to go home.

What'll you do with it?

Wait till it dies.

- How long will that take?

- A few hours.

I said there was a sparrow in here.

Maybe they're waiting till

it shits on a patient.

Push.

Hi.

- Why the face?

- I'm tired.

Why the f*** are you tired when

all you do at work is make coffee?

I twisted my ankle at the track.

Let me see.

Ow. Delicately.

Maternity ward. Hello?

Majka speaking.

What is it?

I've got a patient here.

Doctor, the baby's still breathing.

It's been 17 hours. What do I do?

F***ing suffocate it with a pillow.

What a stupid question.

Do like this with your lips.

Now spread your legs and do

the same thing with your vagina.

You know, the way hookers pick

quarters up with their vaginas.

Hello. What's this about?

- I'm not going to assist you.

- Why not?

- The pregnancy isn't 37 weeks.

- How far along is it?

36 and 6 days.

It's my right as a midwife.

Ok, what are your expectations?

That it won't hurt, that my crotch

isn't cut, and that it's pleasant.

This isn't a request show,

and it won't be pleasant.

Push hard.

It's turning.

Push. I've got the head.

Push.

Push hard.

F***ing push like the lady said.

Get out of here.

- Push it out.

- I can't do it.

You're standing here with us,

so when I say push it out do it.

I broke her rib.

- I can't feel anything.

- Push.

I've got dislocated shoulders.

Run get the doctor on call.

From this moment on everything

is recorded for the prosecutor.

What? Now I'm getting scared.

The shoulder's wider than the head,

and the baby's wedged in the pelvis...

The head's turning blue, and

the baby's starting to suffocate.

Ok, change position.

On your left side.

Push.

All right, now on your right.

Push.

Change position to all fours.

Push.

Lower on your hands and push.

Harder and push.

Push. Lie on your back again.

I have to break the shoulders.

Don't push now.

That's one.

That's the other. Push.

- I can't do it.

- Move, let me see.

Push.

Stop, you'll rip the spinal cord.

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