Bounty Killer

It's been a while.

You look good.

How'd you track these guys, anyway?

I have my ways.

You gonna tell me

who your snitch is?

Nice try.

Look, I only want Trevor.

You can have the rest.

MARY DEATH:

Where's your gun caddy?

DRIFTER:
Killed by gypsies

in the Thrice Burned Lands.

By gypsies.

You do look good.

You look like sh*t, old man.

[ elevator dings ]

[ music playing ]

Stewie, baby, listen.

We just gotta stick it out

a while longer.

The people will start missing

what only we can give 'em.

[ laughs ]

Yo, give me a Blue Label

on the rocks, glass of water.

Do you think they're gonna

choose the wasteland

over the comforts

of the old world?

[ laughs ]

[ coughing ]

- [ woman screams ]

- Come out from behind the bar, bounty killer!

[ crowd murmuring ]

[ new music plays ]

ANNOUNCER:
Another bounty warrant

approved by the Council of Nine.

This death warrant is issued

for Herbert Trevor Jones,

wanted for tax evasion,

insider trading,

employee slavery

and war crimes.

What's the matter, Trevor?

You get a dirty mug?

- [ gun clicks ]

- Sh*t.

[ gunshots ]

[ jukebox playing ]

All right tonight

Aah!

Oh, yeah

- [ screaming ]

- [ gunfire ]

Lookie here

Ooh, yeah

I don't mind

telling you, baby, uhh

That you looking kinda good

DRIFTER:
Mary, wait.

Ah, shake that thing, woman

[ engine whirring ]

[ bullet clanks ]

Ah, come on.

[ muttering ] Son of a...

[ laughs ]

Are you trying to steal my kill?

MARY:

Just trying to help a guy out.

DRIFTER:

You're a real pain in the ass.

You know that?

- [ laughs ]

Yeah, well, at least

I don't have gun problems.

DRIFTER:

Give me that. Yeah.

I should probably

get myself a gun caddy.

- You gonna pull me up?

- No.

NARRATOR:

In the not-too-distant future,

the world powers were brought

to their knees by big business.

Fueled by power and greed,

the great titans of industry

took up arms

and set out to destroy one another,

giving rise to the corporate wars.

- [ bomb dings ]

- [ music resumes]

As the nation

spiraled into oblivion,

the top executives

abandoned their armies

and escaped with the remainder

of the world's wealth.

The great cities of the world

burned for many years.

Born from the ash was

the Council of Nine,

who vowed to rebuild

and give hope

to the survivors of the wasteland.

To avenge the corporations'

reckless destruction,

the Council issues death warrants

for all white-collar criminals.

In turn, a new breed

of mercenary hunters spawn,

the bounty killer.

From savage gypsy

to graceful assassin,

the bounty killers

compete for body count,

fame and a fat stack of cash.

They're ending the plague

of corporate greed

and providing the survivors

of the apocalypse with retribution.

These are the new heroes.

- [ ding ]

This is the age

of the bounty killer.

[ motorcycle revving ]

- We love you!

- Yes!

[ cheering ]

You don't know

what you're talking about, Henry.

Does this look

like the savior of mankind?

Mary Death?

No, it looks like misogyny.

Do you know what misogyny is?

No, you don't, because Drifter

looks like the hero of the world.

I should gun caddy for him.

I'm gonna go gun caddy for him.

So long, suckers.

See you in another life.

CADDY:

Excuse me, Mr. Drifter, sir,

I hear you're in need

of a gun caddy.

I am the fastest gun tosser

this side of

the Thrice Burned Lands,

and I-

Right, bounty killers only.

CADDY:
Look, I can do anything

you need me to do.

I- I can flute a barrel.

I can globe a sight,

trigger a blade

for single action,

double action, triple action,

round action.

I can do anything!

I know Morse code.

Boop-boop-boop.

That's an S.

I taught myself how to tie knots.

- BILLY:
Drifter! Drifter!

- I can fish.

Billy Bloom, "Wasteland News. "

So what do you got there?

Looks like a fresh kill.

You know I don't

do interviews, Billy.

He doesn't do interviews, Billy...

- Come on.

- so just back off.

- Come on.

- Set up an appointment.

BILLY:
Guy like you

could use a little PR.

A great story

like this could put you

right back up on the top

where you belong.

Come on. Help me out.

I don't need a bunch of front-page photos

to prove I'm doing my job.

[ engine revs ]

Oh, my God, she's here!

It's really her!

Bounty

Bounty killer's gonna get ya

Looks like my story just arrived.

CADDY:

Where are they going?

They don't know

the real deal's right here.

[ crowd cheering ]

Some broad in hooker boots.

I want to die in your arms

Have you slay me

in your bed tonight

Killer

' Cause there's a war going on...

WOMAN:

Yay, Mary Death!

I love you.

My fans mean everything to me.

I am like a fine sommelier,

and I will choose

the right weapon for the kill.

A sommelier, huh?

Yeah. Sorry. It's like a wine-

Yeah, I know what it is.

Mary, pretty big score today.

How did you find

these Yellow Ties

when the other bounty killers

had given up?

Now, Billy, you know

I never pull out before the big kill.

[ cheering ]

I made an oath to the Council

to root out corruption

where it hides

and serve the justice to you,

the people.

And you can quote me on that.

She is fantastic.

Anyways-

No! I was kidding.

And what am I supposed to do

with this twitching twat?

He isn't dead yet!

Ohh!

F*** sake!

Here. Take your money,

and piss off,

you pair of wankers.

Oh, thank you very much.

Oi, Drifter.

- [ sniffs ]

- Yeah?

There, you c*nt.

And what's his problem?

Bad manners and a face

that'd make his mum reach

for a hammer. [ chuckles ]

Don't usually get

gypsies this far east.

They raided a Green Tie hideout

at some caves just south of here.

Stole all the kids to brainwash 'em

into raving-mad killers.

Bloody animals, really,

the gypsies are.

Good tippers, though.

20% every time.

Oh, bleeding hell.

Oh, another headless wonder.

Come on. How am I supposed

to ID 'em without a f***ing head?

Relax, Willy.

I've got his business card.

Pile of crusted rubbish

is what it is.

Oh, and it smells

like a fat man's rotten yarbles.

I shall have to deduct

some money for the lack of head.

Are you giving me sh*t, Willy?

It's simple, you silly sod.

No head, no bounty.

You have no idea

how far up my ass the Council is

about the state of these bodies.

Well, you know where

you can tell 'em to shove it.

Now, don't you blaspheme

the Council in here,

or you'll end up

like your pal Harry.

Harry?

Who's Harry?

Mary Death, your angel face

is a sight for these weary eyes.

Thanks, Willy, but I'm no angel.

Well, pickle my todger.

Another pile ofjustice

from Mary Death.

So who's this Harry

everyone's so wild about?

- Give me that.

- [ laughs ]

Oh, what's the big deal?

He's just some small-time collar.

- [ beeps ]

- [ laughs ]

Wait a minute.

Is this your snitch?

- No.

- [ laughs ]

He is. Hmm.

Very interesting.

DRIFTER:
Just let it go.

MARY:

Uh-huh. All right.

- I'm serious.

- Okay.

He's all yours.

Crabby.

Hey, sorry. Just-

MARY:
Holy sh*t!

CADDY:
Aah! Aah! I-

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