Bowling for Columbine Page #7

So they burned witches. In 1775, they started

killing the British so they could be free.

And it worked, but they still didn't feel safe.

So the Second Amendment allowed

every white man to keep his gun.

I loves my gun.

Loves my gun!

Which brings us to the genius idea of slavery.

You see, the white people back then

were also afraid of doing any work.

So they went to Africa, kidnapped thousands

of black people, took them to America

and forced them to work for no money.

- And I don't mean "no money" like:

- I work at Wal-Mart and make no money.

I mean zero dollars. Nothin'!

Nada! Zip!

Doing it that way made the USA

the world's richest country!

So did having money and free help

calm the white people down?

No way! They got even more afraid,

because, after 200 years of slavery, the black

people outnumbered the whites in the South.

Well, you can pretty much guess

what came next. The slaves started rebelling.

Old Master's head got chopped off!

When white people heard this, they freaked out.

"I wanna live! Don't Kill me, big black man!

Well, just in the nick of lime came Samuel Coll,

who in 1836 invented the first weapon ever

that could be fired over and over

without reloading.

The Southern whites went...

Yee-haa!

But it was too late.

The North soon won the Civil War

and the slaves were freed.

Free to go chop all the old masters' heads off.

Everybody said...

Oh, no! We're gonna die!

But the freed slaves took no revenge.

They just wanted to live in peace.

But you couldn't convince the white people

of this.

So they formed the Ku Klux Klan.

And in 1871,

the year the Klan became

an illegal terrorist organization,

another group was founded.

The National Rifle Association.

Soon politicians passed

one of the first gun laws,

making it illegal

for any black person to own one.

It was a great year for America.

The KKK and the NRA.

Of course, they were unrelated.

One group

promoted responsible gun ownership,

the other group shot and lynched black people.

And that's the way it was all the way to 1955,

when a black woman broke the law

by refusing to move to the back of the bus.

- People couldn't believe it.

- Huh?

What's going on?

All hell broke loose.

Black people demanded their rights.

White people had a major freaky

fear meltdown. And they were all like:

Run away! Run away!

And they did. They all fled to the suburbs,

where it was all white and safe and clean.

They bought a quarter of a billion guns,

put locks on doors, alarms on houses

and gates around their neighborhoods.

And finally, they were all safe and secure

and snug as a bug.

And everyone lived happily ever after.

If you turn on the evening news,

America still seems like a pretty scary place.

Who is he? Is he dangerous? What's he up to?

What are you trying to pull, man?

Remember all the Y2K scares?

Weren't we told that our very society

was about to collapse

because somebody forgot to type in

a couple of digits on the computer?

There's gonna be mass chaos and confusion.

The countdown begins.

All day, store director Rick Smith

watched consumers get YZK-ready.

Batteries sell extremely well,

the lamp oil, generators...

After sending the country

into a panic, the clock struck midnight...

...and nothing happened.

Or how about those killer bees

that were going to attack America?

We're almost certain they'll arrive this year.

The Africanized bees are expected

to reach Texas this year,

cross into Arizona in two to three years.

The killer bee is overly aggressive.

They will follow you for... oh, half a mile.

The bees never came.

Remember hearing that someone had hidden

a razor blade in an apple at Halloween?

Before long, kids were not permitted lo go out

in the dark on Halloween

and go trick-or-treating at strangers' homes.

Many say they won't give out

candy treats on Halloween. It's too dangerous.

Guess what.

There never was any razor blade in the apple.

Only two kids in the past 40 years

have been killed by Halloween candy,

both poisoned on purpose by relatives.

Bye.

It was like a scene from a horror movie.

This Hooksett man was mowing his lawn

when a fox darted out of the woods

and attacked his riding mower.

And a warning

about a popular weight-loss supplement.

What you don't know may kill you.

You ride them every day,

but, in an instant,

an escalator can mangle you or a loved one.

We reveal why you may be riding

a stairway to danger.

You might wanna take some extra precautions.

Keep a low profile.

Don't go around dancing

with a bunch of Americans in the streets.

Don't draw a lot of attention to yourself

and the fact that you're an American.

The nation's top doctor says one in five

Americans has some form of mental disorder.

The Surgeon General, David Satcher,

pleads with people to seek help now.

The media, the corporations, the politicians

have all done such a good job

of scaring the American public,

it's come to the point

where they don't need to give any reason at all.

Today the Justice Department did issue a...

...a blanket alert.

It was in recognition

of a general threat we received.

This is not the first time

the Justice Department have acted like this.

I hope it's the last.

But given the attitude of the evildoers,

it may not be.

I just love these boulevards down here, though.

You don't get this in most of LA.

How come whenever I'm out here, though,

I turn on the 11 o'clock news

and, you know, I hear,

"Tonight in South Central, a drive-by shooting,"

or "Tonight in South Central...

this, that or whatever"?

I mean, they're not making that up, are they?

No, but they're choosing what they're covering.

If you turn on TV, on the news,

what are you gonna hear about?

Dangerous black guys, right?

An unnamed black guy who's, you know,

- accused of some crime or...

- Right.

You're gonna see pictures

and hear stories of black guys doing bad things.

We've heard this our whole lives.

Now, the suspect is a black male in his twenties.

We are told he has a large Afro, sideburns...

He was wearing a silver chain.

The suspect is a black male aged 16 to 18.

Police say... The black man... The suspect...

The suspect is a black male.

A black man... A black man...

A black... Black... Male... Man... A black man...

Susan Smith drowns her two children

and she tells people a black guy stole the car

and stole the kids,

and everyone at first bought it.

Some guy jumped into her car

with her kids in it,

and he's took off. It's a black guy, she says.

- A black male?

- Yes, ma'am.

I told them I loved them.

And... it's just a tragedy.

The anonymous urban -

which means usually black -

male comes by and does this...

is the excuse for all kinds of things.

Charles Stuart,

the Boston lawyer, kills his pregnant wife,

says a black guy did it. Everybody buys it.

The suspect is a black male

about six feet tall.

Chuck and Carol Stuart were robbed

at gunpoint as they left a Lamaze class.

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