Box of Moon Light Page #5

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Sam's coming back.

Look out, Castroator!

What did I tell you, Al?

Tough, isn't he?

Shaking off a blow

to the head like that!

You know it's all fake, don't you?

What is?

The whole thing...

The kicks, the punches,

the chair smashing...

They plan out every fight...

who's going to win

and who's going to lose.

It's all fake.

Everybody knows that.

Uh, Al, I know you're smart

'cause you got

a scientific-style job,

but you're not using common sense.

If this fight is fake

and everybody knows it's fake,

Why in the hell would

anybody waste their time

sitting around watching it?

That's a question you might

want to answer one day, Buck.

I know the answer.

This is what's happening

all over America, Al.

This country's being taken over

By smart people with no common sense.

And that's why I'm out here, man.

Just me, my instincts, and nature.

That's all you need.

You see that moon up there?

Look at that moon!

Sh*t, in the city

you wouldn't even

be able to see that!

The three-quarter moon,

just about to slip

into its second phase.

Well, I don't know about that, Al.

The Indians call that

a creamy corn moon.

What are you thinking about, Al?

Well, it's kind of hard to say this,

but I've, uh...

started seeing things.

Oh.

What kind of things

are you seeing, huh?

Well, I'm seeing things moving...

backwards.

Like, someone pouring

a cup of coffee,

I'll see the coffee

flowing out of the cup

back into the pot.

Are you serious?

Yes. And other things, too.

I saw a kid riding a bike,

pedaling just like normal,

Except he was moving backwards.

Jesus, that's wild, man.

Yeah. well, I'm a little worried, actually.

I never know when

it's going to happen.

Well, listen, Al, don't worry about it.

That's the main thing.

You know, the Indians

saw sh*t all the time.

They had visions 24 hours a day.

You think they worried

about it? Hell, no.

And don't worry about

them car keys, either.

We'll find them.

I know right where to look, ok?

Hey.

Look what that moon's

doing over here.

Oh, watch this.

Now I got a little box of moonlight.

See that, Al?

See what I did there?

How's that hangover, Al?

It's gone, right?

Well, it's starting to go.

I told you, man. It's this water.

Funny about them keys, huh?

I thought sure we'd find them.

I've got another plan, kid.

I'll call the rental office

when we get back to the house.

They'll call a local locksmith,

give them the key code

for the model number of my car,

and I'll have a new

set of keys delivered

in less than an hour.

Damn, man. That's a great idea.

Why the hell didn't I think of that?

It's called planning ahead, kid.

You should try it sometime.

Hey, hey, hey. Look at this.

Whoa.

What is it?

Yeah. someone was here yesterday.

Mm-hmm.

"size 5.

Mm-hmm.

She's 15...

She's redhead...

Either a cheerleader

or a swimsuit model.

- Get the hell out of here.

- No, no. I'm serious. Smell.

I'm not going to smell

somebody's underwear.

Come on, smell.

I'll show you something.

- Smell that?

- What?

A kind of dry mustard smell

mixed with, like, a bubblegum.

Smell?

Mm-hmm. Keep sniffing.

Keep sniffing.

I don't smell anything.

Sure you do.

I don't.

Oh, come on, man!

Your senses are gone!

To my nose, it's overpowering.

You see that?

That's called sensory attunement.

You should try that sometime.

Ok. I'll start sniffing underwear

Every chance I get, All right?

Let's head on back.

I have a call to make.

Oh, that's right.

Gotta get those new keys

so you can get the heck

out of here.

It's not where you're going in life.

It's how you get

the hell out of there.

What's that, Al?

Where the hell are these people

at 12:
00 in the afternoon?

I don't know. Lunch?

Try them in an hour.

Is that gun loaded?

You bet your ass it is.

You think I'm gonna let them F.B.I.

sneak up on me?

No f***ing way.

Well, just be careful with it.

Hey, I know how

to handle a gun, ok?

Do you?

I've shot a gun before.

Good.

Let's go get me a rabbit or something.

I'm f***ing starving.

No, kid.

I have to make this call, all right?

We come back in an hour,

you make your f***ing call.

Here. I'll get a shotgun.

Plus, I gotta show you something, man.

Open your eyes up

before you split out of here.

Wow.

Look at that. wow.

It's a deer.

Yeah, that's right.

Let's take a look.

It's a fake. It's a statue.

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

It looked real, though, didn't it?

- Who put it here?

- Me, man! Who do you think?

It looks great there, really.

It's great.

Thanks.

For what?

For showing it to me.

Oh, that's not what

I wanted to show you.

I got something.

It's going to blow your mind.

You wanted proof?

Here it is.

Come on.

All right. here we go.

You wanted C.I.A.?

I'll show you C.I.A.

What the hell...

A C.I.A. nerve-gas factory,

That's what the hell.

They're making nerve gas

To use in the war against

their own people, ok?

Ohh...

Just blows your mind.

I don't believe it.

I just spent 2 days driving...

In a goddamn circle.

What are you talking about?

That's the job I told you I was working on.

Christ.

The car-rental place is right in town.

What are you t...

Wait a second. You worked here?

For a month. It's not a nerve-gas factory.

It's a semiautomated facility

For the manufacture of windshield wipers.

Oh, I don't believe that for a second.

All right. You want some proof?

Come on.

I'll give you some proof.

Follow me.

This is a Zeus 8000

turbine generator.

It doesn't make nerve gas.

It makes electricity,

That electricity was going

to provide the power

for the entire assembly line.

Making windshield wipers?

That's correct.

I suppose if you equipped

enough people

with windshield wipers,

you could probably

take over the world.

Ha ha! Yeah.

I can't believe you worked here, man.

I could never do this sh*t.

Didn't you hate it,

Always having someone

telling you what to do,

Some a**hole boss?

Hey, Al?

What?

Come here.

Think you can hit that bottle there?

It's in front of the window.

You can't hit it.

Whoa! hey, close.

That was close, Al. Let me try.

Yeah!

Jesus Christ, kid, that's an $800 window!

Oh, baby!

That's $1,600 right there!

Hey, what's in those cans, Al?

Paint.

You sure?

Yeah, that's paint, all right.

All right!

Yeah!

Yeah! yeah!

Reload!

Windows!

Yeah!

Shazam!

Whoa!

I'm telling you, kid,

this dog could climb trees.

I'm serious.

I don't believe it.

He would just take off

and run up the trunk.

What was his name?

Barky. He was just a mutt.

He was all white

except for one black ear.

He found this rubber monkey somewhere,

And every day, when

I came home from school,

he'd be sitting in the front yard

with that damn monkey in his mouth,

waiting for me to throw it for him.

Kid, I'm telling you,

I threw that monkey for hours.

You still got him?

No.

I let him out one night

right before I went to bed,

and when I came in,

he was shaking, breathing funny.

I asked my dad

if we should take him to the vet,

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