Brave New Jersey

---

Everything you're about to see is true.

The mayor, the school teacher,

the Reverend, the kid from Poland,

The crazy cow milking machine,

and the panic that ensued

when a man named Orson Welles

came on the radio and said

that Martians had landed

in New Jersey.

Everything you're about to see is true.

There.

Hello!

-How are you?

-You're up early, Mr. Mayor.

Oh.

Well, wait a second.

My last two chewy candies!

I was looking for those.

We'd give you a lift back into town,

but myrna here has got the croup.

Oh,

Okay.

Well, I could use the walk.

Gives me time to think.

Well, there's plenty of time for that around here.

Oh, yes.

You know, if I take the back way--

Okay, bye bye now.

Paint the sign...

What's next?

We'll be looking at a mild day and night today

in southern New Jersey,

with temperatures reaching 70

by the afternoon, and a low tonight of 55,

which will make it a nice night

for all you ghosts and goblins out there.

-Up already.

-Who can sleep?

Did you get the paper?

Uh, "Paul Davison,

Lullaby's principal landowner

and dairy farm proprietor--"

skip to the end.

"Despite a few objections to the rotolactor,

including mayor Clark Hill--"

"Due to Mr. Davison's foresight and persistence,

The milk business in Lullaby might not go sour."

Well, now what's this?

Something for your foresight and persistence.

Oh, what a gal.

Wow.

I love it.

I've always wanted a toy statue

of the Empire State Building.

Oh, say, hon, do me a favor

and shine my shoes for me, will you?

Okay.

You, you're the tops.

Ann, breakfast.

No time. gotta go.

Please take Ziggy with you.

I'm not his babysitter.

No, you're his cousin.

Second cousin, once removed.

I kinda wish he was removed from our house.

He's family, Ann, and he's only been with us a week,

So please be nice.

Come on, Ziggy!

Ziggy, let's go!

You're like molasses.

He's from Poland, he doesn't speak english.

Ziggy, let's go!

You're like Polish molasses.

Ceremony 4:
00!

-Don't forget!

-How could i?

That's all you people talk about.

Sorry I'm late again, gang.

Guess it's time for that new alarm clock.

Let's jump right in with...

"I heard the voice of the lord saying

'Whom shall I send and who will go for us?'

Then said I, 'here am I, send me.'"

Start with that one?

Maybe another one?

Any requests?

Tomorrow is Halloween.

Do you know what that means?

Candy!

It means, for one night you can

let go of your inhibitions

and become someone completely different.

mm-Hmm?

What are inhibitions?

Well, they're-- they're things

that hold you back.

From what?

Chardy Edwards, you scared us to death.

Peg, I'm gonna remember

that look on your face forever.

That was hilarious.

I was hoping you'd stop by.

-You must be a mind reader.

-Oh, I must be.

-You know why?

-Mm-Mmm.

'Cause I knew you'd say that.

Oh, stop it, Chardy, the kids are right there.

Well, they're gonna have to learn about love

sooner or later.

Peg, I love you so much, I could explode.

Morning!

Morn--

Hey, good morning, Mr. Mayor.

Ah, nice to see you.

Ah, nice to see you, too.

How are you?

Well, I'm just remarkable, thank you.

Today in war-frightened Europe

German chancellor Adolf Hitler declared

he would not allow an alien race

to control his country's destiny.

That German's got the whole world

on pins and needles.

Crazier than a rat in a tin can.

A rat in a tin can with tanks.

And guns.

-Coffee, Mr. Mayor?

-Thank you very much.

Nothing like a piping hot cup

of pepper's famous motor oil.

Oh, here come the rockefellers.

-Hey, sheriff.

-Mr. Davison.

-Hello, Clark.

-Lorraine, good morning.

How are things?

Oh, good, good, good, good.

Busy.

How are you?

A big, big day for Paul.

Oh, sure is, thank you.

Oh, you're still reading, "Gone with the Wind."

You've been at that for a couple of weeks.

Oh, I'm such a slow reader,

-But thank you for the recommendation.

-Oh, sure, sure.

Such a beautiful love story.

I'm really enjoying it.

Oh, good, I'm glad you like it.

I-- I-- I would always find myself re-reading

-That section where--

-Clark!

Paul.

Say, were you able to get that sign painted,

"Chosen as the home of the rotolactor?"

uh, I-- I-- I-- thought it was just

"home of the rotolactor."

No, it's gotta say, "Chosen as."

-That's important.

-Okay, then, okay, okay.

And the tablecloths and apple cider, all set?

-Yep, that's next on my list. Next on my list.

-All right.

Cause this isn't some barbeque or

manure stacking contest, Clark.

It's been a long time since I've planned

a manure stacking contest.

Clark, listen, I know we've had

our differences about this,

and you're worried first it's a cow milking machine,

Next a factory and a train station pop up,

and before you know it, we're a metropolis,

but, trust me, pal,

change only comes

when you take bold leaps forward.

You oughta write that in your little diary.

Oh, you really want me--

Oh, okay, yep.

-Change only comes when--

-Yeah, I got it, I got it.

-You take bold--

-I got it. I got it.

-He's got it, Paul.

-All right, good.

Well, you should welcome advice

about taking charge, Clark.

-Yeah, sure.

-I mean, you're the mayor.

It's in the job description.

Thank you for your help, Clark.

Good seeing you.

More coffee, Mr. Mayor?

Oh, Reverend Rogers,

Helen and I couldn't find you

after mass last week.

You left so quickly.

I wanted to talk about my brother Joe's passing.

Ah, um, have you learned anything

from this time of trial, Stan?

Oh, you bet.

When a cow kicks you in the leg,

it don't feel like much.

But if she nails you just right in the head,

boy, you're done for.

Very spiritual.

No, tell him about the passage you found.

Oh, yeah, "They are plans for peace and not disaster,

To give you a future and a hope."

Exodus chapter eight.

That's one of my favorites.

No, it's from Jeremiah, Chapter 29?

Oh! I always get those two confused.

Well, I'll keep your brother,

Jonathan, in my prayers.

-My brother was joe.

-I'll pray for them both.

Come on!

We're sitting ducks out here.

-Think he saw us?

-Don't move! stay down!

Hi, Peter.

How you doing

fine.

Hey, lovebirds, shut the hell up.

Do you want him to hear us?

Look, my folks said that when Collins

came back from the war.

He was all messed up.

Maybe he blew away a thousand krauts,

blasting their brains out.

Who knows what he does in there all day?

Here, throw it.

Why is it warm?

Is this pee?

Eew, gross.

Is it true that Ziggy's an imbecile in the head

-'Cause he never talks?

-You're an imbecile.

He's Polish.

Our family sent him here 'cause of Hitler.

-Ever listen to the radio?

-Okay, here we go.

If he comes out, don't look him in the eyes.

Just keep moving.

-Ah!

-Ew!

These last few years haven't been easy,

but today we look ahead at brighter days to come...

ladies and gentlemen,

I'm proud to present

The rotolactor.

And then I'll say something like...

This is a modern marvel.

How it can milk 15 cows at once.

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