Breakdown Lane

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1

- We have brought upon us

our own destruction, my beloved.

It was without form and void.

Unto the heavens and

they had no light.

I looked and behold,

there was no man.

I looked and behold, the

fruitful land was a desert.

And its cities were laid

in ruins before the lord.

Before his fierce anger

for thus, said the lord,

"the whole land

shall be desolation."

Jeremiah, chapter 4:23-27.

It is said by the unwise,

by the unbelievers

that death comes to us

in the visage of a reaper

harvesting his crops

with a great scythe.

But we've been

taught differently.

For the trumpet will sound

and the dead will be

raised imperishable.

And this mortal body

must put on immortality.

Behold.

- Hey there.

- Just this stuff and...

Let's make it...

$12.92 in gas.

- By an epidemic,

an epidemic of sin.

We have brought upon us our

own destruction, my beloved.

I am the resurrection

and the life,

whoever believes in me

though he die yet

shall he live.

- I love him.

- How can you love

somebody you've never met?

- Don't over-pump.

- You have a nice day too.

- And honey, be careful,

there are crazies out there.

- Hey!

Hey!

Hey you, please!

Please you have to help me!

You have to help me,

no, no, no, come on.

- Okay, okay, okay.

- Can you please help him?

- He's not contagious is he?

- Hey hey hey hey hey hey.

Okay wait, your name

is Richard Hanna.

We've been married 10 years,

come on, remember?

Stay with me, stay with me.

- What's your name, sweetie?

- Um, Dee, I'm Dee.

He's dying, isn't he?

- I don't know, Dee,

maybe we should take him

to the hospital.

- No, emergency room was

overflowing, people everywhere.

He wanted to try somewhere else

and um, I shouldn't

have listened to him.

I think running made it worse.

- Mommy, what's a Sisyphus?

- Dee, let me call

an ambulance, okay?

I'm sorry, I don't

know what else to do.

- That was a nice thing

you did for that lady.

Your detritus.

- Hi.

- Hey Kirbs.

- What's up?

Just checkin' in with you.

- Hey did you know the family from the

hills have eyes opened a gas station?

- On your way?

- You betcha.

- Maybe sometime

you'll let me come

to your place.

- Let's uh, not have

this conversation

for the millionth time.

- I could meet your friends.

- They're all jerks.

- Could cook you my pizza rolls.

- Real pizza, my treat.

- You don't

sleep well in my bed.

- I'm not going there to sleep.

- You just winked

to the phone, didn't you?

- Maybe.

- Fine,

you just got me wondering

if you've got heads

in your freezer.

- Uh huh.

Wait, I'm coming

up on another one.

There's an outback.

- A rendezvous

just rolled past my place.

- Oh my god.

Oh wait, here's another one.

It's a breeze.

Hello?

Hello?

Damn it.

Sh*t.

God damnit.

- License and registration.

No bullshit please.

Having ourselves a

little road trip are we?

- Skills like that you'll

make detective in no time.

Hey, I have the

same phone as you.

- Miss Lane.

- Don't sneak up

on me like that!

- Do you know why I

pulled you over today?

- To protect everybody

else on the road?

- Everyone's a comedian, huh?

I wrote you up for speeding

and dangerous operation.

That's a $500 fine.

- But there's nobody else

to endanger, come on!

- Listen, I'm too tired

to argue with you,

so um, how 'bout this?

I will agree to tear

up your citation

if you agree to take

a nap for 60 minutes

and decide to drive slow

for the rest of your trip.

- Really?

- 60 minutes, I want your word.

- Sold.

- I'll radio in that I let

you off with a warning.

You drive safely now.

- Please, please,

please, please, please.

- Thank you for

calling Northstar,

this is Max, am I

speaking to Kirby Lane?

- Yes.

- How can I help

you tonight, miss Lane?

- This piece of

sh*t car won't go.

- Okay, miss Lane,

I understand this is a

taxing situation.

- I go out and I get all this

turbo this, road side that,

and then when I need the car,

it craps on itself and dies.

- Now miss Lane,

I'm sure it's not dead.

- It has big Xs where the

headlights used to be.

- Okay, well, let's

see what we have here.

Okay, have you been doing

routine maintenance?

Tire pressure, changing the oil?

- Yes?

- Uh huh, I see.

Are you hurt or in any danger?

- I think I heard some

wolverines earlier.

- Well, according

to our records, miss Lane,

that SUV of yours is the

next best thing to a tank.

You should be fine.

But uh, looks like your

transmission's fried.

- I'm stuck in neutral.

- All right, I'll put

a call in for a tow truck,

but based on your location,

it's gonna be a few hours.

- Hours?

Maybe I should just walk.

- Don't be a hero, miss Lane.

Just sit tight, okay,

help is on the way.

- Thanks tons.

- I'll check in

on you later, miss Lane.

Thank you for using Northstar.

- Thank you,

Mr. personality.

Call voice mail.

Calling voice mail.

You have no messages.

Jesus!

- Dammit.

Sh*t!

- Where the f*** are you?

- Car broke down and the

stupid tow truck is taking

the scenic route.

You wanna go to video?

- You bet I do.

- You look a little wobbly.

- Well I am feeling

a little frisky.

- I've had a long day, sweetie,

and my phone's about to die,

so...

- Sounds like somebody

needs to unwind a bit.

I can help you

with that you know.

I specialize in

getting you to unwind.

Besides, what else

are you gonna do

'til the tow truck gets there?

- I cannot wait to be with you.

- Thank you for calling north...

- where the f***

is my tow truck?

I've been waiting for hours.

- Miss Lane?

- Great, world champion

of customer service.

Lemme talk to someone else.

- I'm the only one here.

- Yeah, you mean you're

the only one there willing

to talk to me.

- No, I mean

I'm the only one here.

- Where's that damn tow, Max?

Well?

- I don't know

what's going on, miss Lane,

I put the order in last

night for a dispatcher and,

look, I just sent another one.

But I'm getting no response.

- Well, what am

I supposed to do,

hitch a ride on a camel?

- Can you flag down another car?

- I think I took the exit

to the "twilight zone."

- Miss Lane,

I've got some bad news.

- For a change?

- I'm gonna have to

call you back in a second.

Sit tight, okay?

- Fine.

I have no idea what I'm doing.

Hello?

Jesus, mister, are you sick?

Whoa man, don't come any closer!

Back off or else I'm gonna

brain you with this thing.

Jesus Christ!

I'm sorry!

Um, oh Jesus are you dead?

Listen, I'm sorry,

you wouldn't listen to me

and i...

God, I'm so sorry.

Jesus! F***!

Max, a tow truck would be

past wonderful right now.

- Why, what's happened?

- There's a man,

there's a crazy man.

- Okay Kirby, stay

calm, keep the doors locked

and the windows up, okay?

- Christ, there's another one!

Jesus, they're coming

out of everywhere.

- Look, I know this is

gonna sound stupid right now,

but you need to stay calm.

- Calm? Max...

I just buried my

wrench through the forehead

of this man, and he's

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