Breakfast on Pluto Page #5

Oh, this and that. Showbiz, kind of. Singing.

-What do you like to sing about?

-I sing about true love.

That's nice.

Have you ever found it?

I thought I had, once.

Here's one about true love.

Ever heard this one?

Nice, isn't it?

I just love love songs.

Take it off.

-Don't you like it?

-Take it off, there's a good lad.

As you wish, sir.

-Now, isn't that more comfortable?

-Yes, sir.

Of course it is, my love-Ioving friend.

Here, feel that.

Good old-fashioned silk.

-Here you are.

-Thank you.

It's beautiful.

-You like it?

-It's beautiful.

Like it?

But did true love save Kitten

from the hands of the beast...

in that worst of all fairy tales?

No, what saved Kitten...

was her precious perfume spray...

bought for 2.99

in Roches Stores on Henry Street...

before she left her beloved Emerald Isle.

Hello.

I'm sorry to interrupt...

but are you all right, miss?

Yes, fine, thank you.

Just tired after my hard day's work.

You have been sitting there

for four hours now.

Yes, busy at my desk.

Busy at your desk?

Writing my little book.

Your little book?

What type of book?

Well, it's a....

It's a mystery thriller, sir.

About a woman who disappears.

May I ask what it's called?

Yes.

It's called...

Footprints in the Custard.

No, I'm only joking.

It doesn't have a name yet...

because I don't know what's gonna happen

if the mystery is ever solved.

But the lady has a name?

Phantom Lady.

"Phantom Lady."

No, her real name's Eily Bergin.

She was my mother.

-Your mother?

-Yeah.

And then she went away

to the city of all cities...

that never sleeps from dusk till dawn.

-So, you think she's here in London?

-No, I know she's here in London.

Fantastic!

The fantastic tale of Eily Bergin.

I can't wait to hear the ending.

-But you haven't even heard the start.

-I can't wait to hear that, either.

-So, are you a writer, too, then, sir?

-Oh, good Lord, no.

But something similar, maybe.

Something similar?

I wonder what that could be.

You're a magician!

Bertie Vaughan at your service.

Now, the first thing that has to be said,

Bertie dearest...

is that you bear absolutely no resemblance

to Marlon "Margarine" Brando.

We all have our off days.

So, tell me more about the Phantom Lady.

Why? What's in it for me?

I'll take you to see my show.

Oh, it's a deal, Magic.

So, where were we? Yes, the Phantom Lady.

Eily Bergin had just arrived in Dublin...

and just realized that her boat

didn't sail for another four hours.

Lo and behold, not a scratch.

Thank you, my dear.

Pick a card.

Anyone?

Come along, madam, pick a card.

Any card.

-Oh, my God!

-Oh, yes, blimey.

"Oh, my God" is right.

I do believe you've chosen the 101 of hearts.

Thank you, my dear, I'll take care of that.

Time, of course.

The time.

Looks like it's up, you lovely people.

Come on, help me, please, my loves.

Anyone out there

willing to encounter the great watch?

-Hello, young lady.

-Hello.

And what's the story

behind those beautiful blue eyes?

-What's your name, young lady?

-Patricia Kitten Braden.

-And where are you from, my dear?

-Ireland.

Keep your eye on the watch, young Patricia.

The whole world is in there.

Tick-tock.

Swing-swong.

And, dare I say it...

ding-dong.

And let the great watch guide you.

And what brings you

to our great metropolis?

I'm looking for my mammy.

Oh. And where did Mummy go?

-The city swallowed her up.

-Oh, fancy that.

Well, it will do that to people.

But do you know what, Patricia?

-I think I see your mother.

-Where?

Why, down there

by that table by the jukebox.

Mammy!

On second thoughts, Patricia...

she's not your mother,

she's your great-aunt Ida.

That's your mother over there.

Mammy?

Mammy!

Oh, Mammy.

Actually...

Patricia, that's your second cousin Ronnie,

just out of the Scrubs.

In fact...

your mummy is right up here.

Up here on stage.

Come to Mummy.

Come to Mummy.

Come to Mummy.

Come to Mummy.

You love your mummy and your poppy.

Good to have you back, darling.

And Mummy's never leaving again.

Never.

Never.

Never, I promise. Never.

Just call me Old Sawbones.

-You all right, dear?

-Yes.

Those of a nervous disposition...

should now close their eyes.

Oh, dear.

Are you all right, Kitten?

No, I'm actually quite heartbroken.

I think I see the problem.

Gee, thanks, Cupid.

And the other thing

about the Phantom Lady was, Bertie...

she realized, in the city that never sleeps....

What did she realize, Kitten?

That all the songs that she'd listened to,

all the love songs...

well, they were only songs.

-What's wrong with that?

-Nothing, if you don't believe in them.

But she did, you see.

She believed in enchanted evenings...

and she believed that a small cloud

passed overhead...

and cried down on her flowerbed.

And she even believed

there was breakfast to be had.

Where?

On Pluto.

The mysterious, icy wastes of Pluto.

You know, Kitten,

I made a decision a long time ago.

What decision was that?

That I wasn't destined

for the sentimental side of things.

But....

But if I did let myself ever fall for someone...

I think it would be a girl like you.

Bertie, please, I have to stop you.

There's something you should know.

Or maybe what I should say is...

it would be a girl...

-not a million miles away from...

-No, please don't.

...where I'm standing.

No.

What's the matter, princess?

Well, you see, the thing is, Bertie...

I'm not....

Yes?

I'm not a girl.

Oh, I knew that, princess.

-You did?

-Of course.

What I said was...

it would be a girl like you.

I do believe I see Mummy over there.

Mammy!

Actually, she's just walked in. There.

Mammy! Mammy.

Bastards!

Think you can make fun of her?

You're coming with me.

Wait!

Please don't leave me.

What about the Prince of Magic?

-Please don't go.

-Some f***ing Prince of Magic.

No, maybe I should....

He doesn't mean bad, Charlie.

For Christ's sake, Paddy,

what is happening to you?

Kitten!

Excuse me.

John Joe. John Joe!

John Joe!

Not a Womble anymore.

Don't talk to me about f***ing Wombles!

I'm in the Tower of London now.

Thirty smackers in the paw, boy,

no questions asked.

Hey, they're looking

for a Mary Queen of Scots.

-Would you be up for it?

-They'd chop my head off, surely.

And here's the man to do it for you.

Smiley, huh?

Where's Irwin gone?

Him and his f***ing revolution.

-How'd you carry it?

-Bottom of my sleeping bag.

There won't be much sleeping

with this baby.

So you haven't seen her, then?

She's here, though, somewhere.

I know it. I just know it, Charlie.

Big f***ing city.

I'm losing Irwin, you know.

How?

He's up to something. I know it.

He's got these secrets.

So why did you come over, Charlie?

Wasn't just to see me.

Was it something to do with Irwin?

You might say that.

I'm pregnant.

Oh, Jesus, Charlie.

Does he know?

You know all he knows about.

Or cares.

But you didn't come here to have the baby?

I came here to get rid of it.

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