Breakfast on Pluto Page #8

it's from a different department.

Why don't you just phone up, then,

and ask the questions?

Because there's nothing

like the personal touch, now, is there?

Why don't--

Young man,

I get the feeling you don't like me.

You're wrong. I think you're nice.

Well, I think you're nice, too.

-Why are you crying?

-It's conjunctivitis.

I gave your address to Father Liam,

and I hope you don't mind.

He's been very kind to me, Kitten,

and I need all the kindness I can get.

The Special Branch lifted me

on a dope charge, you see.

And they used that to get to Irwin.

They lifted Charlie on the dope charge.

They said she'd be having the baby

in prison, if I didn't--

If you didn't what, Irwin?

If I didn't inform them about operations.

-You do it.

-No, you do it.

I can't. I went to school with his brother.

Hey, lads, did you hear the one

about the Cavan man?

-What Cavan man?

-Cavan man in--

What will I call you?

Father.

You call me "Father." Come in.

I can't.

I prayed, you know.

I prayed you'd come back.

Did you find her?

Yes. No. Kind of.

Where's Charlie?

She's upstairs. Come on.

After the drugs charge,

there were problems at home...

so I took her in.

She hardly eats a thing, you know.

She's wasting away.

Maybe you could....

-Where do you sleep, Father?

-Don't worry about me.

Charlie.

Is that you, Kitten?

Charlie. Take it easy now.

Swann's Cross.

-They put a rubbish bag over his head.

-Hush, Charlie.

My parents told me

to go back where I came from.

Don't think about it, Charlie.

Your baby, that's all that matters now.

And I'm here to help you.

Robins, Father. Would you believe it?

Pecking at the cream.

I'm sure the poor things must be starved.

Ta.

You have your mother's eyes,

do you know that, Patrick?

Color of the ocean beyond Rosses Point.

You took her there?

Many times.

Things could have been so different.

Don't say anything.

Because, you know, the strangest thing...

I went looking for her...

but I found you.

No, in the end it was a blessed release.

She was a lovely woman.

She never missed a day at Mass.

When they opened her up,

they found a lump as big as a melon.

A melon? That big?

Maybe it was a grapefruit.

I get them mixed up.

So, we're not exactly blessed with choice,

Father, dear.

And is there any rule

that says that when you're pregnant...

you need to dress like a lollipop lady?

-I know of no such rule, Patrick.

-No, so I thought.

This little hippy number

might give her the lift she needs.

Very nice.

Velvet, Father.

Like crushed grass.

Look, Father.

Oh, can we try the silver fur, missus?

Is it for yourself?

Twenty-five different colored Babygros.

Four teddy bears, I can understand...

-but I don't need a pram yet, Kitten.

-You will.

-Where did you get the money?

-Oh, singing.

How much is that doggy in the window?

The one with the

-Is it waggedy or waggly, Charlie?

-Waggly.

No, wait a minute.

-Oh, Father?

-Yes.

You know the doggy with the tail?

Is it waggly or waggedy?

The song?

Waggedy, I seem to remember.

Your mother never stopped singing it.

Aye, waggedy tail.

Waggedy.

How much is that doggy in the window?

The one with the waggedy tail

How much is that doggy in the window?

Oh, Jesus Christ and his holy mother.

-Why doesn't the Bishop do something?

-The Bishop!

The Bishop we have isn't worth a damn.

-What did she say...?

-The Bishop isn't worth a damn!

Now mind your language missus

Do you know something, Thomas?

There are times

when I wish I was a bus conductor.

...the welfare state and all.

Can't stay here, anyways.

But you'll come and see us, Father?

After the baby's--

Well, the only parish I've been offered

is in Kilburn, so you might see a lot of me.

You saved my life, Father.

And mine.

Great, big, fireproof man.

Come on, Charlie, push! Push!

I am pushing, Kitten, f*** you!

-I am pushing!

-Breathe.

-Jesus!

-Come on.

It's tearing me apart!

Hey, you're the telephone lady.

If it isn't the young boy

from the multi-phone household.

What are you doing here?

Mum's with the doctor.

She's, you know, got a bun in the fireplace.

-I think you mean the oven, young man.

-Okay, then, the oven.

What's your name?

Phantom Lady.

-That's a funny name.

-I know that. I'm a funny lady.

-Is that your baby?

-No, it's hers.

She's having her fireplace checked.

Isn't she? Yes, she is.

-Charlie, darling, this is--

-Patrick.

This is my young friend Patrick.

So, how's your fireplace?

And your little bun is just fine, too,

aren't you? Yes, you are.

Patrick, there's your mum. You'd better run.

Okay.

Patrick, will you tell her that...

the telephone lady says

that she hopes it's a girl this time.

-Okay.

-Okay.

-She looks nothing like Mitzi Gaynor

-What do you know about Mitzi Gaynor?

Nothing. But as Oscar Wilde said...

I love talking about nothing. It's the

only thing I know anything about

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