Breaking Up Page #4

just going around asking people...

...what is it that we can do

to make it last?

- What keeps you together?

- Honesty.

- Friendship.

- Love.

- Trust.

- Good sex.

- You have a body...

- Good sex.

- What do you really need in a marriage?

- You need to love your partner.

And good sex.

You can't make a recipe.

It doesn't work.

A very treacherous institution.

The word "love" itself is a myth.

That's why we're asking.

It's too confusing.

The secret is patience

and understanding.

Now, if you want to go the other way...

What would immediately

break up a relationship?

Not communicating.

- Jealousy.

- Lying.

- You married?

- No, not yet.

- You shave yet?

- No.

One person can't possibly give you

everything that you need and want.

- How long have you been engaged?

- Two years.

I'm not waiting that long.

Two spirits meet...

Starts off heavy in love.

I don't say that you grow...

And grow and grow and grow.

That's what I say.

My wife left me for one of my

best friends, who she used to hate.

He used to repulse her.

And one day, he's the love of her life.

We want to get married and have babies.

You think that's a good idea?

Why?

Do you think I should dump him?

- Dump him in the garbage.

- Dump me in the garbage?!

Einstein.

Theory of relativity.

Do you understand it?

Nobody does.

Nobody did. Especially then...

...beginning of the century.

It was scary.

All people could think was, no more

straight lines or right angles.

No more absolute time.

Motion was curved.

What does that mean?

- I don't know.

- Right.

Something happened to the world,

and nobody understood it.

It was confusing, and people started

jumping to conclusions.

There are no more absolutes.

Time. Space. Good. Evil.

Things we know...

...things we believe in,

things we see.

We thought we understood these things,

but maybe we don't.

Maybe they're all relative.

Do you follow that?

- You got the Real Estate section?

- Einstein was going crazy.

This is not what he meant, but that's

the way most people understood it.

Moving day.

You think you have freewill.

You make decisions,

you make things happen.

According to Marx, these are

just behavior, superficial behavior.

Underneath this behavior, there are

patterns determining our destiny.

And here's the killer:

We have no control over them.

It doesn't matter what we do...

...it makes no difference

to the path of history.

Want a beach house this summer?

- Can we afford it?

- No.

But after the wedding,

if we don't take a honeymoon.

No honeymoon?

Okay. Are you planning on doing

anything today?

At the same time

that everybody's reeling...

...who comes along? Sigmund Freud.

Things weren't bad enough, right?

Suddenly, we were repressed.

On top of everything else, guilty.

Whenever we did anything,

it was for the wrong reasons.

And what we're really doing,

we're not responsible for.

- Aren't you oversimplifying?

- Of course I'm oversimplifying.

Because I don't understand it.

You can't understand it.

They didn't give us anything

to understand. Except...

Now, before those guys,

we used to understand the world.

And now we don't,

because they proved to us...

...that we don't understand the world.

- Want to give me a hand with this?

- I'm doing the fridge.

Twentieth-century man.

Doubt.

- What are you talking about now?

- You, me, everybody.

It's right there

in the Arts and Leisure section.

This is why

we aren't sure of anything.

This is why we feel cut off. Drifting.

This is why we can't

make a commitment.

This is why people lie, cheat and

steal, and they never think it's wrong.

Nothing means anything to us!

You see what I mean?

Are you saying you don't want

to get married?

- No, I'm saying what I'm saying.

- That's what I thought.

Okay, ready? Let's go.

You're driving.

- Do you think we should have children?

- What?

Do you think we should have children

if we get married?

What do you mean "if"?

- Do you take this man?

- Do you take this woman?

- For better or for worse.

- In sickness or in health.

With the full knowledge that we really

don't know what we are doing.

And that we might exchange

this permanent internal unhappiness...

...for a remolding of reality.

To live free of guilt

and free of personal responsibility.

And all that that doesn't entail.

- To love.

- Honor.

- And obey.

- Obey?

Powerless to alter

or change in any way.

So that it really doesn't matter

what we do.

With a final and conclusive knowledge

that the world is not what it seems.

That you cannot measure

time or space.

- Or right or wrong.

- Or good or evil.

Or the value of anything except

the dollar, the yen, the deutsche mark.

Until death, divorce

or desertion do us part.

I do.

Hello?

I do.

I do.

I do!

I do, I do, I do, I do...

- I do what?

- Take this woman, et cetera, et cetera.

I do.

I do.

Monica.

Yes, Steve?

- This is not a dream.

- No, Steve, this is not a dream.

Now say, "I do," so we can get

the hell out of here.

Okay.

I...

I...

I'll miss you.

I'm sorry you're going.

- I love you.

- Did I give you the keys?

Yes.

I left the number where I'll be

until I get an apartment.

What else?

I don't know.

My mother's sending back

the wedding gifts.

I told her whatever it cost,

we'll split it. The catering, the food.

Okay, sure. I'll call her.

- I wouldn't call her if I were you.

- Why not?

Okay, call her. Just don't be

surprised if she isn't very nice.

She thinks it's your fault.

- Why would she think that?

- Because that's what I told her.

Right.

- I couldn't tell her the truth.

- Why not?

Because I don't know

what the truth is.

- She's disappointed?

- Putting it mildly.

She was already

counting grandchildren.

I'm sorry.

- Don't keep saying that, please.

- But I am.

Yeah, so am I.

I'm sorry I ever laid eyes on you.

I'm sorry you exist.

I have a long list of sorries.

But I won't get into them now,

because none of them really matter...

...except for one major, stupid,

unbelievable mistake...

...and that is

that I gave up my apartment...

...to come and live with you.

For that, I am truly, truly sorry.

- Look, you could just stay here.

- Sure.

You could.

Sure, I could.

- But where would you stay?

- Here. Come on, we're both adults.

No, we're not. Are you crazy?

You call this behavior adult?

Besides, I can't stand the sight

of you right now.

Do you understand that?

Look, I told you.

I was confused.

Scared.

I kept looking around, thinking, "Why

are they here? What's so important?"

Before, I thought it would

be a big party.

Everybody will dance

and have a good time.

And then we'd go home, take aspirin,

go to bed, and that's that.

- Till death do us part.

- Right.

- It was your idea, Steve.

- I know, but something happened.

I think it was the rice.

We never even got to the rice.

We never got to "Here Comes the Bride."

But I saw them passing it out.

Bags that people would throw

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