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Bridegroom
- It was a four-story fall...
From the top of the roof
to the concrete pavement below.
He had just passed
his 29th birthday.
-911. Can I help you?
- I need a paramedic. He fell.
- How far did he fall?
- He fell four stories,
which would be 40 feet.
Blood in his mouth,
and other than that,
I don't know
if there's any other injuries.
- We had been texting each other all day.
His name was tom.
And he was my life.
At the beginning
of our relationship,
Tom and I bonded over
the many similarities we had.
We both grew up listening
to country music.
Garth brooks is our favorite
country artist.
And, somehow, we both agreed
that "the dance"
If there was ever a person
of this song, it was tom.
- # holding you
- Holding you...
- # I held everything
- ... I held everything.
- # for a moment
- For a moment...
- # wasn't I the king?
- ... Wasn't I the king?
- # but if I'd only known
# how the king would fall
# hey, who's to say
# you know,
# and I
# I'm glad I didn't know
# the way it all would end
# the way it all would go
# our lives
# are better left to chance
# I could have missed the pain
# but I'd have had to miss
# the dance
- Kalispell, montana, is probably
not the easiest place
To have a child grow up
who is gay.
Our community is...
You don't want to say
backwoodsy,
But, you know, they're rural,
And so they don't accept
people who are different.
The day shane was born,
I had to get a special leave
from the hospital
To go sign my divorce papers.
So I was the talk
of the hospital
'cause we're a small,
little town,
And that was kind of
- I think that, you know,
They might have gotten married
too soon, possibly,
And they kind of
just grew apart.
My dad, he's a character.
He was a wrestler in college,
and he loves hunting.
I would go hunting with my dad,
And all of a sudden,
After he'd shoot a deer,
I would end up in tears,
'cause I kept
thinking "bambi"...
Like, "my dad just shot
bambi. "
After a while,
I made a deal with my dad,
growing up,
That I would try
all different sports.
- He tried baseball.
He tried basketball.
He tried them all.
I remember one loss they had,
And shane hardly played at all,
but, boy, he took it hard.
And that was pretty cute,
But he wasn't much
of a contributor.
was at a school play,
And he was just singing,
dancing...
Whatever he could do
to entertain, he was doing it.
We had made a car.
We used red glitter.
like none other.
- He was in fourth grade,
And I remember
him telling his teacher
That, when he graduated
from high school,
He was going to california.
And I just thought,
"why is that?"
You know,
that just seemed so strange.
- I particularly remember
He was running
around the room in circles
And singing
right in everyone's face...
# you don't bring me flowers
Like, just so charismatic
and so unafraid.
- I was in elementary school,
And what I would do sometimes
is...
I didn't want to go to bed,
And my mom
would tell me to go to bed,
And sit behind her recliner
and watch the tv,
'cause I wanted
to kind of be a little rebel.
One time, she was watching
the movie "philadelphia. "
Finally,
it got to the end of the movie,
And I knew
that this guy was gay,
And I knew that he was sick
And he was dying
because of being gay,
And that really...
'cause I knew
that... I was like him.
and look what happened...
He kept getting thinner,
he kept getting pale,
And there was like sores
on his face and his body,
And I just remember thinking
that, "that's gonna be me.
- He got quieter,
And he wasn't as fun
to be around.
You could tell that something
was always on his mind,
Something was always
bothering him,
But you never knew
what it was.
- One night, I remember
shane coming into my room,
And he said,
"mom, I'm dying of a. I.D.S."
And I said, "honey,
why are you saying that?"
And he goes,
"well, because of that movie. "
And I said, "well, honey,
you don't have a. I.D.S."
And that's when I really noticed
Shane starting to have
panic attacks.
- He felt like
he couldn't breathe.
And we would have to say,
"you've got to put a sack
over your head. "
He didn't like doing it,
But when he was at my house,
we put a sack over his head.
- So as time went on,
of the bedrooms in our house
And I would dial 911
and tell them that I was dying.
- And all of a sudden,
in the driveway,
And I thought,
"what is going on?"
And I go upstairs,
and here is the ambulance
Saying that somebody
is in distress in this home.
Somebody was choking.
Somebody was suffocating.
- It led to her being like,
you know, "shane, god damn it!
The cops are here again. "
- From sixth grade, till I got
that kid through high school,
I didn't know
if I was gonna survive.
I bet 10, 15 times
he called 911.
The money
That it, you know,
cost me through the years...
It was very stressful.
But it was real to him,
and I knew it was real to him,
And I wanted him to feel
he was safe.
- She finally decided
That this is maybe more serious
than she can handle,
So she set me up
with a therapist.
- When shane got done
with his session,
He asked me to come in,
and he said,
"your son just needs to admit
to himself that he's gay,
And everything will be fine. "
And I said,
"how can you say that?
He's not gay. "
"well, you know,
That's something you're gonna
have to come to peace with. "
- I always suspected...
I'm not gonna lie to you.
It took me a couple days
to process,
And the thing
it come down to is,
"I ain't making any more kids...
I better stay in good
with the ones I got. "
And I love him unconditionally,
so it just doesn't matter.
- It's kind of funny now that,
here I was a little boy,
On my knees, praying to god
that I wouldn't be gay,
And there was another little boy
1,500 miles away in indiana
doing the same thing.
- Knox, indiana,
is not the easiest place
For a gay kid to grow up.
It's very homogenous...
not much diversity there.
I knew tom
When both of our brothers
were in boy scouts together.
Everybody loved him.
And he was just the popular kid.
He had a lot of empathy.
I'll never forget,
the day my mom died,
Tom was the first person
to come over to my house.
He walked in the door,
and he was crying...
You know, almost like
he's sadder than I am.
Tom's mother and father
each had children
From previous marriages.
So, tom was the only child
between the two parents,
And he was the center
of attention in the family.
He was the center of attention
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"Bridegroom" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 8 Sep. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/bridegroom_4677>.
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