Bridegroom

- It was a four-story fall...

From the top of the roof

to the concrete pavement below.

He had just passed

his 29th birthday.

-911. Can I help you?

- I need a paramedic. He fell.

- How far did he fall?

- He fell four stories,

which would be 40 feet.

Blood in his mouth,

and other than that,

I don't know

if there's any other injuries.

- We had been texting each other all day.

His name was tom.

And he was my life.

At the beginning

of our relationship,

Tom and I bonded over

the many similarities we had.

We both grew up listening

to country music.

Garth brooks is our favorite

country artist.

And, somehow, we both agreed

that "the dance"

Is our favorite country song.

If there was ever a person

To truly emulate the lyrics

of this song, it was tom.

- # holding you

- Holding you...

- # I held everything

- ... I held everything.

- # for a moment

- For a moment...

- # wasn't I the king?

- ... Wasn't I the king?

- # but if I'd only known

# how the king would fall

# hey, who's to say

# you know,

I might have changed it all #

# and I

# I'm glad I didn't know

# the way it all would end

# the way it all would go

# our lives

# are better left to chance

# I could have missed the pain

# but I'd have had to miss

# the dance

- Kalispell, montana, is probably

not the easiest place

To have a child grow up

who is gay.

Our community is...

You don't want to say

backwoodsy,

But, you know, they're rural,

And so they don't accept

people who are different.

The day shane was born,

I had to get a special leave

from the hospital

To go sign my divorce papers.

So I was the talk

of the hospital

'cause we're a small,

little town,

And that was kind of

a special moment in my life.

- I think that, you know,

They might have gotten married

too soon, possibly,

And they kind of

just grew apart.

My dad, he's a character.

He was a wrestler in college,

and he loves hunting.

I would go hunting with my dad,

And all of a sudden,

After he'd shoot a deer,

I would end up in tears,

'cause I kept

thinking "bambi"...

Like, "my dad just shot

bambi. "

After a while,

he stopped taking me hunting.

I made a deal with my dad,

growing up,

That I would try

all different sports.

- He tried baseball.

He tried basketball.

He tried them all.

I remember one loss they had,

And shane hardly played at all,

but, boy, he took it hard.

And that was pretty cute,

But he wasn't much

of a contributor.

- My first memory of shane

was at a school play,

And he was just singing,

dancing...

Whatever he could do

to entertain, he was doing it.

We had made a car.

We used red glitter.

And shane wanted that car

like none other.

- He was in fourth grade,

And I remember

him telling his teacher

That, when he graduated

from high school,

He was going to california.

And I just thought,

"why is that?"

You know,

that just seemed so strange.

- I particularly remember

him singing barbra streisand.

He was running

around the room in circles

And singing

right in everyone's face...

# you don't bring me flowers

Like, just so charismatic

and so unafraid.

- I was in elementary school,

And what I would do sometimes

is...

I didn't want to go to bed,

And my mom

would tell me to go to bed,

And then I would sneak out

And sit behind her recliner

and watch the tv,

'cause I wanted

to kind of be a little rebel.

One time, she was watching

the movie "philadelphia. "

Finally,

it got to the end of the movie,

And I knew

that this guy was gay,

And I knew that he was sick

And he was dying

because of being gay,

And that really...

it struck a chord with me

'cause I knew

that... I was like him.

That guy liked another guy,

and look what happened...

He kept getting thinner,

he kept getting pale,

And there was like sores

on his face and his body,

And I just remember thinking

that, "that's gonna be me.

That's gonna happen to me. "

- He got quieter,

And he wasn't as fun

to be around.

You could tell that something

was always on his mind,

Something was always

bothering him,

But you never knew

what it was.

- One night, I remember

shane coming into my room,

And he said,

"mom, I'm dying of a. I.D.S."

And I said, "honey,

why are you saying that?"

And he goes,

"well, because of that movie. "

And I said, "well, honey,

you don't have a. I.D.S."

And that's when I really noticed

Shane starting to have

panic attacks.

- He felt like

he couldn't breathe.

And we would have to say,

"you've got to put a sack

over your head. "

He didn't like doing it,

But when he was at my house,

we put a sack over his head.

- So as time went on,

I would sneak into one

of the bedrooms in our house

And I would dial 911

and tell them that I was dying.

- And all of a sudden,

I see these flashing lights

in the driveway,

And I thought,

"what is going on?"

And I go upstairs,

and here is the ambulance

Saying that somebody

is in distress in this home.

Somebody was choking.

Somebody was suffocating.

- It led to her being like,

you know, "shane, god damn it!

The cops are here again. "

- From sixth grade, till I got

that kid through high school,

I didn't know

if I was gonna survive.

I bet 10, 15 times

he called 911.

The money

That it, you know,

cost me through the years...

It was very stressful.

But it was real to him,

and I knew it was real to him,

And I wanted him to feel

he was safe.

- She finally decided

That this is maybe more serious

than she can handle,

So she set me up

with a therapist.

- When shane got done

with his session,

He asked me to come in,

and he said,

"your son just needs to admit

to himself that he's gay,

And everything will be fine. "

And I said,

"how can you say that?

He's not gay. "

And doctor hausser said,

"well, you know,

That's something you're gonna

have to come to peace with. "

- I always suspected...

I'm not gonna lie to you.

It took me a couple days

to process,

And the thing

it come down to is,

"I ain't making any more kids...

I better stay in good

with the ones I got. "

And I love him unconditionally,

so it just doesn't matter.

- It's kind of funny now that,

here I was a little boy,

On my knees, praying to god

that I wouldn't be gay,

And there was another little boy

1,500 miles away in indiana

doing the same thing.

- Knox, indiana,

is not the easiest place

For a gay kid to grow up.

It's very homogenous...

not much diversity there.

I knew tom

When both of our brothers

were in boy scouts together.

Everybody loved him.

And he was just the popular kid.

He had a lot of empathy.

I'll never forget,

the day my mom died,

Tom was the first person

to come over to my house.

He walked in the door,

and he was crying...

You know, almost like

he's sadder than I am.

Tom's mother and father

each had children

From previous marriages.

So, tom was the only child

between the two parents,

And he was the center

of attention in the family.

He was the center of attention

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