Bridegroom Page #9

to a person's memory.

They're not fighting against

gay marriage.

They're not fighting against

having a gay son.

What they're fighting against

is love,

And who fights against love?

- When we came back, we decided

To have our own memorial

to celebrate who tom was.

- # today, you left me

- Shane included

pictures of his family

Even though

they hadn't reciprocated.

- Shane had pictures there

With tom's mom and dad

and brother and sister.

He brought people from vassar,

brought people from culver,

And his friends in california.

Everybody was there.

even though a lot of us,

Maybe we weren't super close

and barely know each other,

Somehow that same guy

was all of our best friend.

- # young, beautiful boy

I wrote "beautiful boy"

And the line about tom making

his way up to the golden doors

As an answer

To the fundamentalist christians

out there

Who may believe that gay people

won't go to heaven.

And to that,

I would say, "really?

"tom, the choir-singing,

trophy-winning, all-american boy

"who listed god as his hero

on his myspace page,

Really in hell?"

I don't think so.

If tom didn't go to heaven,

then nobody's going to heaven.

# remembering...

- If you believe in angels,

Tom was as close to that as

would ever come in a human form.

He had no darkness in him

whatsoever.

He was the ueber-positive one.

- So, everybody

was really nervous

About how shane was gonna be,

You know, post this horrible,

traumatic loss.

- I stayed with shane after tom

passed away for a month.

I told shane, "I'll stay here

as long as you need me,"

But getting on that plane

Was the hardest thing

I've ever done in my life.

You know,

you don't want to leave him,

'cause he was fragile.

- # something always

brings me back to you #

- Hey, tom.

Um...

- # no matter what I say or do

- ... Is this happening?

- # I'll still feel you here...

is this really happening?

To all those people that, um,

say that gay people are...

# here I am

...Unable to love,

Can I ask

every single husband and wife...

- #... 'cause I'm fragile

- ... That is in love...

- # when I thought

that I was strong #

- ... To just...

...To just feel

what I'm feeling,

Even... even for 10 minutes.

And, um

But, really, I...

I don't wish this upon anybody.

I don't.

I finally bought you your ring.

- # I will be rising from

the ground like a skyscraper #

- I'm sorry that I didn't...

- # like a skyscraper

- ... I didn't get you one sooner.

I put "tap, tap, tap" inside.

Um...

- # skies are crying

# you can take everything

I have #

# you can break

everything I am #

- One thing

that I'm thinking about

Is, like, well, you know,

What would have

our relationship been like

If we wouldn't have had to have

hid it from the beginning,

And would I have been able

to just

Be more affectionate

and just give you more love?

If who we are

And how we, you know,

loved each other is a sin

In that we have to live,

You know, eternity

suffering because of this,

I don't think god

would purposely

Set us up to live a life

Of just constantly fighting

the urge to be who we are,

And I really don't want

to believe that.

- # happy birthday to you

- You know,

there's a part of me that thinks

Maybe I should I tell someone

or maybe I should show someone,

You know, how I'm really feeling

Instead of just telling everyone

I'm okay.

And I'm not okay.

# happy birthday to you

- It's sad that it took

losing you

To see what's really important

in life.

All that really counts

is just loving as much as we can

And not, you know,

being afraid to be loved.

before,

I was not eating enough,

And then now all I want to do

is eat everything...

Fat stuff, ice cream,

pancakes... Red vines.

Today I'm going on a plane

to see the taj mahal,

The great monument to love,

which was next on our list.

- # presents are covered

in ribbons and laces #

- Going to the taj mahal

on christmas, christmas day

Is a pretty cool thing, so...

Merry christmas.

- # togetherness lives

on this holiday night #

- I just wish

that all of us humans understood

That we're all the same.

Everyone in the world,

all different types of people,

All different religions.

We all just want to be happy.

We all just want to be loved.

So, thank you, tom.

Thank you for loving me.

Thank you for giving me

the last years of your life.

I feel like

that's my responsibility,

Like, my duty now,

to live life like you did.

a few months later,

I went back to indiana.

I felt like I just needed

To see tom's grave

one more time.

I still can't believe

How much has happened

since that first christmas.

When we were each getting

on a plane, heading home,

And we finally told each other

how we felt.

When I got to the cemetery,

I was surprised to see

That tom's parents

had bought him a monument

With a place for themselves,

not next to each other,

But on either side of their son,

As though they're still trying

To keep him from something

or someone.

It's just...

it's hard to believe

That even now

tom is still being denied

The promise of his own name.

It really does feel like

He's standing in

for all of us now.

I mean, like, for all gay people

Who dream of getting married

some day.

I guess I'll never understand

Why the ones who are supposed

to love him the most

Fight the hardest to keep him

from being who he was.

Maybe the greatest thing

about tom

Is how much

he loved them anyway.

I just remember standing there

and thinking

That if there's one thing

that I could say to his parents,

Here's what it would be...

"this is not

the monument to your son.

He was the monument to you. "

[ macklemore with ryan lewis,

featuring mary lambert's

"same love" plays ]

- # when I was

in the third grade #

# I thought that I was gay

# 'cause I could draw,

my uncle was #

# and I kept my room straight

# I told my mom,

tears rushing down my face #

# she's like "ben, you've loved

girls since before pre-k" #

# trippin'

# yeah, I guess she had a point,

didn't she? #

# bunch of stereotypes

all in my head #

# I remember

doing the math like #

# "yeah,

I'm good at little league" #

# a preconceived idea

of what it all meant #

# for those that liked

the same sex #

# had the characteristics

# the right-wing conservatives

think it's a decision #

# and you can be cured with some

treatment and religion #

# man-made rewiring

of a predisposition #

# playing god

# aw, naw, here we go

# america the brave still fears

what we don't know #

# and god loves all his children

is somehow forgotten #

# but we paraphrase a book

written 3,500 years ago #

# I don't know

- # and I can't change

# even if I tried

# even if I wanted to

# and I can't change

# even if I tried

# even if I wanted to

# my love, my love, my love

# she keeps me warm

# she keeps me warm

# she keeps me warm

# she keeps me warm

# if I was gay

# I would think

hip-hop hates me #

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