Bright

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Morning.

Ward.

Red sauce? Green sauce?

Babe, you up?

It's after noon, you gotta get up.

I made some coffee, come on.

There he is.

- Morning.

- Afternoon.

- Hi.

- Hi.

Hi.

- Coffee.

- I know.

What the hell's this in my...

- What's that sh*t in there?

- What?

- Whoops.

- Yeah.

Ran out of coffee filters,

had to use a napkin.

- It'll be fine.

- I'll just chew that up next time.

Oh, come on.

Why is the Fairy in the bird feeder again?

- I... I thought...

- You told me that you killed it.

All right, I'm gonna be honest with you.

All right?

- Please.

- I don't f*** with no Fairies.

You need to f*** with that one.

When I was little, my cousin DayDay

was throwing rocks at this Fairy.

- The Fairy sh*t in his own hand...

- Uh-huh.

...threw the sh*t,

and it went in DayDay's eye,

and it was like a f***ing cantaloupe.

- Bullshit story.

- No, he almost lost his eye.

- I'm telling you. Listen...

- That's not true.

$200. Pay the man.

Same man that does the bees.

No, I'm not paying $200.

I got this big, handsome, strapping man

standing right in front of me.

Go kill that Fairy, please.

Thank you so much.

I'll kill the Fairy.

Let me finish my coffee.

- I'mma kill the Fairy. All right?

- Okay.

That may kill you. You should do it

before you finish the coffee.

- How was work?

- Eh, work. Work is good, you know?

Just, a lot of stab wounds lately.

There's, uh...

We had this homeless guy come in,

throwing equipment everywhere.

It was wild.

A lot of traffic accidents,

- and this older guy, he coded out on me.

- What about that cop that's an Orc

that's now on the LAPD force?

- How does that work?

- He's not blooded.

He's not part of any blooded clan.

He's like a finger

that got cut off the hand.

He's dead to us.

This is shock trauma at its finest.

...and then you see the humans

and the Elves...

I don't want this guy in my car either.

Baby, I don't want you to get shot again.

Five years, I'm gonna retire.

But... I can't f*** up my pension.

All right? I mean,

that's my f***ing worst nightmare.

You know what my worst nightmare is?

It's them wheeling you in

when I'm at work.

That's my nightmare.

Come on. Come here.

Fairy. Now.

Hey, y'all, I want y'all to trip off

my police-ass neighbor. He's a trip.

- Good afternoon, Officer.

- Hey. What up, Mike?

Yo, that Fairy been all up in my crib,

eating up my dog food and sh*t.

I'm about to call the city, man.

I am the city.

All right? You save your dime.

Fairy lives don't matter today.

Check this out, y'all.

This is probably gonna be good.

It's on now!

Ring the bell, y'all.

Oh!

Damn. Look at this nigga, man.

Oh, that's it right there.

Oh, you got it now. Take the homie out

LAPD-style like you do.

Oh!

You ain't gotta do him like that. Damn!

That was nasty.

- Man.

- Come on, G.

- It's what I do.

- Oh, sh*t.

Oh, and, uh, you keep doing

all your gangsta stuff.

I'm just trying to sell my house.

Don't worry about that.

Thanks for the show, Officer.

He's a trip. That motherf***er's crazy.

Got a fine-ass wife, too.

Are you in trouble?

Am I in trouble?

What your mother say to you?

Mom said that Nick got you in trouble

because Orcs are dumb.

That's not true, all right?

Orcs are not dumb.

Just, uh... All of the races

are-are different. Okay?

And just 'cause they're different

doesn't mean anybody's smarter

or dumber, you know,

better or worse than anybody.

All right? It's just-just...

You know, everybody's just trying

to get along and-and...

have a good life.

What the hell?

Hey, baby, you gotta take some clothes.

Get some clothes.

Fine.

Hey, hey!

Hey, partner.

Ready to get back to work? All healed up?

What the hell are you doing at my house?

Why are you at my house?

Why are you on my lawn?

Your lawn's dead, Ward.

Exactly. Which is why I seeded it

and spread cow sh*t everywhere

so it grows back.

That's not really cow sh*t.

- What do you mean it's not cow sh*t?

- It's sewage, from toilets.

From the treatment plant, swear to God.

I paid $400 for this.

- That's bullshit.

- Human sh*t.

- Why do you think I compost?

- Whatever. Whatever. Whatever.

You don't ever come here in that

ever again.

I was at diversity training. Your house

is on the way to the bar. I thought...

- Hi, Nick.

- Hey, Sophia. What's up, rock star?

We're gonna go to Grandma's.

- Grandma's? Hop in, we'll give you a ride.

- Shut up.

- This ain't no Uber, man.

- Don't tell Nick to shut up.

He's a person, too.

Oh, thank you, sweetie.

That's an enlightened kid you got there,

Daryl.

Don't worry about me.

Just Crip-walk your asses

on back to the barbecue.

Be nice to give you a ride...

- Shut up.

- ...on your first day back.

Lovely song.

There's Grandma.

Hey. Uh, I'm...

Okay. Good to see you.

Uh...

All right, baby. What's up?

What's happening? What's up?

Why you sad?

What happened?

I don't want you to die.

I'm not gonna die. What are you...

- What you talking about?

- Mama said Nick's gonna get you killed.

I don't know why she said...

Nick is not gonna get me killed,

all right?

Why do you have to be a policeman?

Everybody hates policemen.

Hey...

Know what?

You smell like you haven't slept.

I have melatonin in my war bag.

You take one before bed,

- turn off the laptop, get...

- Maybe I'm having trouble sleeping

because of the nightmares I'm having

from being blasted across the street

with a shotgun

while your ass was getting a burrito.

But I was getting a burrito for you.

- Yeah...

- I don't eat cow flesh.

Do you think that you could get a burrito

and do your job?

You think you could get a burrito

and watch my back

- like every other cop manages to do?

- Yes.

Look, I know... you're disappointed in me.

I know that you think that I let you down.

- Yeah. You know what?

- But I...

You know what? It's a new day.

Back to work. We hitting the reset button.

Copy that. Copy that.

We're hitting the reset button.

Moving forward together.

As friends, together.

We will not be listening

to no Orkish music.

That is one of the greatest love songs

ever written.

That's a love song in prison.

I believe that you're lacking in love,

Ward.

- I'm what?

- By love, I mean...

like... physical love.

Yeah. Um...

Right?

I'm straight. I don't need

no physical love. Trust me, I'm good.

You can't hide it, Ward.

Humans have physical tells.

- Tells, huh?

- Yeah.

- It's called a face.

- I ain't making no face.

- Like the face you're making right now.

- I ain't making no face.

All right.

What face am I making?

"A human who needs a lot more

conjugal love" type face.

"Conjugal love" face.

So you know human face...

Show me another human face.

- What's another one we make?

- Oh, uh...

- What's that face?

- Human who doesn't get anymore pancakes.

- We do like our pancakes, for real.

- I got a lot of 'em.

- You got a lot?

- I got a lot of them.

Show me the face an Orc makes

when he just shut the f*** up,

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