Bring It on Again

Like, wow. Like, crap. Last|year I was a high school brat.

But now I'm here. Hope I'm|the one you pick to cheer!

- Fantastic!|- I'm sorry. What?

Oh, nothing. Don't let me slow you down.|It's just... Well, you're a surprise.

- How do you mean?|- You have great spirit.

But just a tad more|volume, if you would.

- I apologize.|- Continue.

Like, whoo. Like, whee.|I'm at the university.

I'm psyched. I'm here. Hope|I'm the one you choose to cheer.

I yell real loud and make|the Stingers super proud.!

Brilliant.!

My dear, you are wonderful...|cheer genius personified.

A real individual.

I'm joking, you spaz!

- Pardon me?|- That was a cheer?

That was the most boring, unoriginal,|biggest piece of crap I've ever seen!

You suck!

Mom, where are we?|Where are you, dear?

You finally made it.|You're in college.

Oh, man!

Hi. Can you guys tell me|how to get to Bancroft Hall?

Hi. Can you tell me|how to get to...

Hi, girls. Can you guys tell me|how to get to Bancroft...

Excuse me!

Hi. It's where some|of the cheerleaders are staying.

Um, I'm trying out|for the team.

You girls don't cheer,|do you?

First of all,|it's women, not girls.

Oh. Second, um, we|do neo-modern ballet.

We don't wave pom-poms.

And third, we can't direct|you to Bancroft Hall,

because Nathaniel Bancroft was|a slave owner and an imperialist!

Okay. Thanks.

Appreciate it.

You're not giving up|already, are you? Monica!

First day of college,|I'm already saving my roommate.

You did not have to save|me. I have been saving...

your butt ever since|cheerleader camp. Have not!

Really?|I remember a time...

a spotter was out of position|and one of our cheerleaders...

was gonna do|a face-plant.

Who was that cheerleader|again? Okay. Okay. I get it.

I think the score|is Monica, two. Whittier, zero.

And... Bancroft Hall|is this way.

Did you know that Nathaniel|Bancroft was a slave owner...

and an imperialist? Our|room has a ceiling fan.

As well as paint balloons,|panty trees,

super-gluing faculty doors,|releasing lab animals...

and most important,|I'd like to remind you...

that if you must...

urinate,

please...|do it in a toilet.

Do not... I repeat...|Do not urinate...

on an original manuscript|of The Canterbury Tales...

located|in the school library.

You writing this down? You'd|think I wouldn't have to say that.

The Nutcracker|is a patriarchal ballet.

Okay? The only good thing in The|Nutcracker are the rats, and they die.

Shakespeare. Hamlet?

"Euripidie..."|Euri... Eur...

Euripides.

Lastly, we hope you take advantage|of the many extracurriculars...

here at the university.

Although I must report|we've had to cut funding...

to some of the more|non-essential programs...

on campus such as|the martial arts club,

- the ballet society...|Wha...

and the entire|musical theater department.

That's a worthwhile program.!|Fortunately,

we haven't had to cut any money|from our two prized programs...

the football team...|That's right!

- Yeah!|- And... your seven-time...

defending collegiate champion|Stinger cheerleading squad!

- Yea!|- Let's hear it for our heroes.!

Tina.! Tina.! Tina.! Tina.!

Tina! Tina!|Tina! Tina!

Tina! Tina! Tina! Tina!

Hey, everybody!|I'm Tina Hammersmith!

Y'all ready|to rock the body electric?

- Ahhh!|- Let's get this party started!

Five, six,|seven, eight!

Whoo.!

Yeah.! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo.!|You go, girl.!

Two, three, four...

Stingers in the house!|We're on the attack!

- That's right!|- Got no extra fat!

We don't eat Big Macs!|It's gross!

- Step to us.! You might get smacked.!|- Whacked.!

We got more game|than the man they call Shaq!

The moonwalk! The twist!|The shake and bake! The what?

We can do it all|right here at State!

Strap yourself in|so your mind won't blow!

Sit back, relax|and enjoy the show!

What's wrong with you people? Stop it!

Yeah! Stingers!

This is terrible. What|do you mean "terrible"?

- They're perfect.|- I know. That's what's terrible.

They are perfect.

Speaking of perfect. You|ever checked out your own ass?

Whoa!|Gross!

Just pay him no mind. No. No.|I think we should pay him mind.

I mean, this... this man|has a lot to say. I do.

- I have a lot to say.|- He's a unique individual.

- Very unique individual.|- With his own thoughts and ideas.

My own thoughts.|My own ideas.

- Who would never make a fool of himself.|- Never ever...

make a fool of myself. Even if he|was blindly mimicking whatever I said.

Even if I was blindly...

Hey, punk.|Be watchin' you.

Smart guy.

Thank you.|No problem.

Belly ring?|No belly ring?

It's a cheerleading tryout. They're|going to be looking at your moves,

not your body jewelry.|Oh, I know.

But here's my theory:|If they concentrate on my belly,

they won't recognize if I|mess up on my back handsprings.

Whit, you're not gonna mess up.|I've seen your cheer skills.

They're for real.

Maybe for high school,|but this is college.

And in college|you have to be the poo.

Well, that shaggy boy at orientation|sure thought you were the poo.

He was all on you|like ugly on an Osbourne.

Him?

You think?

He did smile at me.

Mm-hmm.

But I can't lose my concentration.|I've really got to focus on tomorrow.

I got to work on my|cheer moves. Hit it, girl.

Before we begin, I want you to|know that just by trying out today,

you're already a winner.

Unless, of course,|you get cut. In which case,

technically|you're a loser.

So, go for it.

Okay, I'll start with|a simple aerial. No,

I was thinking more|of a front handspring,

back handspring,|front handspring,

back handspring,|back handspring,

front handspring,|back handspring...

Okay! Give me an "S- S."|Give me a "T- R." Err!

That was awesome. So, do|you got any good cheers?

- I got something for ya. I got a little shout out.|- You got a what?

I got to give a shout out to|all my people, baby! Whoo!

I'm flossin'!|You can't see me. I got the ice.

It's just blindin' ya!|Peace, and I'm out!

Back handspring, front handspring,|cartwheel, back handspring, cartwheel...

Give me an "S- S".|Give me a "T- R".

I just screwed up again!|Dang it! I can't believe it! No!

Just kill me right now!|Bam! Haha! Please?

Front handspring, cartwheel,|back handspring, back handspring,

cartwheel...|Ooh.

Ohh, yeah!|Oh, my God.

Thanks for coming.

And lastly,|Smith, comma, Whittier.

- Okay. So...|- Wait.

- What is it?|- That thing.

That shiny offensive|thing... midsection.

- Oh, that's my belly ring.|- Lose it immediately.

Okay. Sorry.

Okay.

Um.

- Okay. Are you ready?|- How about, are you ready?

I think so.

Here I go.! Hit it.!

- How's that?|- Thank you.

Sheila.|Too fat.

Kenny.|Too dorky.

Brenda.|Psycho!

Cindy.|Snaggletooth.

Carol-Ann. It's called lotion. Eczema.

Theo.|Too gay!

- Patrick?|- Not gay enough.

And finally, Whittier.

- She's okay.|- Okay? Marni, she's future head cheerleader material.

Memo, pink ink, we already have|our future head cheerleader. Hi.

The only difference being,|she's cute.

Yeah, she's cute the way|a smushed-up bug is cute.

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