Bringing Up Baby Page #7

Is that so? You're all right, though?

- I hope so. Have a drink.

- Thank you.

Conversation at dinner

may be a trifle difficult...

on account of this young man,

so I want you to draw him out.

I don't know what you mean.

Talk about something he understands.

Big-game hunting, for instance.

- He's a hunter like yourself.

- You don't say.

Then, Elizabeth,

you've come to the right man.

There. He's fed.

Now I'm sure he's going to be quiet.

Come on, let's go in to dinner.

Why are you just sitting there?

I'm just trying to figure out

how I ever got mixed up in all this.

"Mr. Bone." Isn't that amazing?

You told me not to tell Aunt Elizabeth

what your real name was.

I didn't tell you

to think up a name like Bone.

Stay there, George.

Come on, quickly! Get out of here!

- Shut the door.

- What's the matter?

Did you ever think what would happen

if Baby and George got together?

- They'd probably like each other.

- And if they didn't?

- Baby would eat George.

- That's what I mean.

There it was, straight before me,

crouching as tigers do before the kill.

But I was ready for him.

I drew a bead, leveled away

and caught him right between the eyes.

My, it certainly was

a thrilling experience...

as I'm sure you'll all agree...

or do you, Mr. Bone?

Have you ever been...

Pardon me. So sorry.

Have you ever been in Arabia, Mr. Bone?

I said, "Have you ever been in Arabia?"

No.

I suppose you've spent

most of your time in Africa?

- Tibet, perhaps?

- No.

- Malay Peninsula, perchance?

- Excuse me.

At least that got a rise out of him.

You see, you shouldn't have mentioned

the Malay Peninsula.

He was horribly clawed there by a tiger.

He doesn't like talking about it.

I had a gun bearer once

who was clawed by a tiger.

He... The poor...

I was just telling Major Applegate

that you were clawed by a tiger...

in the Malay Peninsula.

I've never been there.

You've never... Well, no matter.

What type of gun do you use

in hunting tigers, Mr. Bone?

I personally use a bolt-action Mauser

with a very large bore.

Excuse me.

Susan, imagine giving a dinner party

with your husband stalking...

like Hamlet's ghost all through the meal.

Give me patience.

No, this is too much. I can't stand it.

We were talking about the jungle

while you were away, Mr. Bone.

- My soup is gone.

- It was cold.

Digging trenches.

Blaming it on an innocent dog.

Nothing but a heap of nonsense.

Enough to drive a man crazy.

And then they say,

"Keep away from the bottle. Don't drink."

No, not even a wee drop

to steady a man's nerves.

If one more thing happens, I'll quit.

And where Aloysius Gogarty goes,

Mrs. Aloysius Gogarty goes, too.

A doctor chasing after a dog!

Just picture it.

A vast, mysterious silence

vibrant with life...

strange cries in the night.

- Good gracious, what was that?

- That was a loon, Elizabeth.

L-O-O-N, yes.

Once you've got the jungle in your blood,

I wouldn't be able to keep you out of it.

- Susan, did you hear that?

- I didn't hear a thing.

- You didn't?

- Are you quite sure that was a loon?

Yes, indeed. I've heard many a loon.

And if there ever was a loon,

that is a loon.

- Isn't it, Mr. Bone?

- No.

- Well, what do you say it was?

- A leopard.

Don't be ridiculous.

Major Applegate would know a leopard cry

if he heard it.

Thank you, Elizabeth.

I'm an authority on animal cries.

Now, you take the rogue elephant,

for instance.

Excuse me, Major. You're right.

It is a loon.

Thank you.

The leopard's cry is something that,

once heard, you can never forget.

Yes, I know.

You know. Thank you.

Of course, it varies at different seasons.

- Let me see now, what month is this?

- June.

June? It would go something like this.

I'll just prepare for it.

Now, let me see.

There we have it.

- Pardon me.

- It's still a loon.

Of course, I haven't practiced

the leopard cry in a long time.

I'm slightly out of voice.

- Try again.

- Yes, I shall.

Now, I didn't do that.

It was probably an echo.

It was a long time coming back, wasn't it?

- Try again.

- I shall.

There. That's better.

That's peculiar.

There aren't any leopards

in Connecticut, are there?

- Yes.

- No.

- Why do you say yes?

- You see... Pardon me.

Excuse me.

Susan! Finish your dinner

and stop this nonsense.

All right, but you'll be sorry.

I can't stand it.

I've got to get away from it.

Instead of sitting decently at the table

eating their dinners...

they're howling and roaring at one another

like a lot of banshees.

And then they say,

"Gogarty, you mustn't drink.

"Gogarty, you must keep away

from the bottle."

The bottle.

As if a man didn't need something

to listen to them.

I'm within my rights.

I'm perfectly within my...

If one more thing happens to upset me,

I'll be seeing things.

Hannah.

Hannah Gogarty!

Me gun!

- Now what's happened?

- This is no time for personalities.

What would you be wanting of a gun now?

Hand me my gun.

Be quiet, both of you!

Gogarty, what is all this?

- I saw it outside.

- Saw what?

A cat as big as a cow,

with eyes like balls of fire.

Clean up this mess.

And serve the next course.

Do you realize what's happened?

Baby's escaped!

- I don't care.

- We've got to catch him.

- I've got to watch George.

- You're not staying here.

If you stay here, I'll tell Aunty

that your name is Dr. David Huxley.

- Right now.

- Don't! All right, I'll go with you.

Major Applegate, keep an eye on George!

Thank you.

Baby! The door's open.

- Is he there?

- I don't know.

Nope, he's gone. Oh, dear.

Now Aunt Elizabeth...

Don't lose your head.

- My what?

- Your head.

- I've got my head. I've lost my leopard.

- Now, wait a minute.

Nothing's gained by uncontrolled hysteria.

- Compose yourself.

- What should we do?

I'll call the zoo, say we saw a leopard,

and they'll catch him. Come on.

Susan, I hope this time

you've come to stay.

Yes, I've come to stay, Aunty.

We've just been walking up and down.

Where's that young man going now?

He's just going in to take a rest.

He has to take frequent rests.

The doctor says...

Have you ever had jungle fever, Major?

You have. Then you realize

how important rest is.

Poor Mr. Bone.

In his case, it's rather difficult...

because he has two doctors.

One says rest, one says exercise.

Which do you prefer?

- I think that perhaps...

- Why, Susan, listen to this.

- What?

- This is a cable from Mark.

- Mark?

- Not a particle of sense in it.

What does it say?

"Are you pleased with Baby? Love, Mark."

- Mark?

- And not a word about my leopard.

Your leopard?

- I've always wanted a leopard.

- Excuse me.

You know, he promised...

Thank you very much.

Don't call the zoo.

- I just called. It's all fixed.

- Call back and unfix it.

- No questions, call back.

- I told them they could have the leopard.

You've given away Baby?

You have no right!

- It's your fault. You've ruined everything!

- I've had enough. I quit.

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