Buck Privates Come Home Page #7

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Let go of my coat.

Let go of my coat.

I ain't wearin' no blue sleeve.

Bill. Bill.

Bill.

Harry, get ahold of these two guys.

Bill. So, I finally caught up with you guys.

On account of you I was

suspended from the force.

You're not a cop anymore? I'll get my

badge back as soon as I turn you in.

If you ain't a policeman, you can't

arrest us. But the captain can.

I'm phoning him now. Why phone the...

...captain when you got

two plainclothesmen?

They ain't plainclothesmen.

What are we waitin' for?

Hey, Bill.

Fore.

A ringer..

Come here.

What's up, doc?

Where are you?

Where are you.

Where are you.

Where are you.

Come here.

Let me brush you off.

Oh, thanks.

You're welcome.

Oh, you.

Where did he go?

Where did he go? That's

what I wanna know.

You.

Where are you? C'mon,

get out. Take it easy.

One.

Two.

Hey, hey, hey.

Get 'em.

All right.

Ed. It's you.

What are you doing in here?

Come here..

Hey, Herbie, Slicker.

Hey, Bill.

Bill.

Ed, follow me when you can.

Follow me when you can.

Stop that car in the name of the law.

Ladies and gentlemen, the next

event is the final qualifying heat...

...for the $20,000 Gold Cup race.

The entries are being

towed for the warm-up.

In minutes, six of the fastest

midget cars in the country...

...will compete for starting

positions in the big race.

Here they come into the turn.

I think they might get the flag.

They're off.

Attaboy.

Come on, Bill.

That's it.

Attaboy, Bill.

Just once more around.

Ah-ha. We win. We win.

We win.

Boy, oh, boy.

We're in. Fellows, it's in

the bag. We're in the chips.

The winner of the final

qualifying heat is Bill Gregory,

in his new Gregory special,

car number 17.

You were wonderful.

Nice work, Bill.

Thanks, fellas. Any

signs of the enemy? No.

If they was,

we wouldn't be here.

I was afraid 15 was gonna catch up, really...

The race is gonna start in a few

minutes. Will ya pull her to the line?

I'll go see if the girls are all right. Okay, Bill.

Turn the wheel left.

Left?

Right. Which way do

you want me to turn it?

To the left... that's right. To the left?

How can the left be right? If I

turn left, that's left. That's right.

You want me to turn to the

left? To the left, right.

How can I turn left if you want me

to go right? The right's that way.

I don't want you to turn right. Turn left.

You want me to turn left? Right.

C'mon. Which way do you want me to turn?

To the left... right. To the left.

That's the same trouble I have

with my feet in the army. C'mon.

Attention,

attention, please.

Will all drivers in the Gold Cup

please return to their cars?

That's my cue.

That's for luck.

Good luck, darling.

How about one from you?

Will you kiss Uncle Herbie

for me? Not if I can avoid it.

Collins, if this is another

wild goose chase, you're through.

Take my word for it. Those

two guys are with Gregory.

Where they are, the kid

is. Uh-oh, there's Gregory.

Will cars 15 and 30,

the Appleby entry, line up?

Attention, Bill Gregory,

please report to your car.

You're holding up the start.

Hey, that's funny, he only went

over to see Sylvia and Evey.

I can't imagine what's

keepin' him. Neither can I.

You wait here. I'll go and

get him. This is serious.

I'm sorry, Sylvia.

All right, Captain.

Let's go.

You better prove it.

Smith.

Smith.

This is one of'em.

Sarge, be reasonable, will ya? Never mind.

Ladies and gentlemen,

we're ready for the main event,

the 100-lap Gold Cup race.

Competing for the grand prize will

be the best drivers in the country.

Wait, wait, will ya?

Not me. Hey.

Hey, you. Hey. I'm not

Bill Gregory. Hey, not me.

There's that car goin' out now, number 17.

Seventeen. Hey, Slicker,

who's drivin' my car?

I don't know.

I'll ask Herbie.

Herbie.

Herbie can't drive.

He'll be killed.

What's the matter? Has Gregory

gone nuts? That's Herbie.

How do you stop it?

Hey. This, this car don't belong to me.

Clear the infield.

I gotta get...

Get out of the way.

Do it.

Herbie.

Herbie.

Herbie. He's trying to make a getaway.

You wait right here. I'll go

get him. Oh, no, you don't.

We'll all go get him. To your

cars, everybody. You too, watch him.

He ain't gonna get away with killin'

himself. I want that man alive.

Captain, you've no right

to commandeer my car.

I'm William Appleby. I've got

two cars entered in the Gold Cup.

I wanted to see that race.

You're seein' one, aren't ya?

Give me that loudspeaker. Herbie.

Stop showing off.

Get back to the track.

Horses.

Wrong track.

Head him off, Max. He's

gotta catch him first.

If anything happens to Uncle Herbie, I'll die.

Herbie.

Don't he realize he can get a ticket for that.

Herbie?

In there.

Herbie, Herbie, are you

all right? Are you hurt?

How's your head? You're crazy,

you know that, don't you?

Uncle Herbie, are you all

right? I'm all right, honey.

But on account of me

I lost the race and you too.

Young man, the only thing

you lost was the prize money.

This is Mr. Appleby. Of Appleby Motors.

And he's ordered 20 cars and 200 engines.

And that's only a starter.

It's an amazing car.

That's swell.

But what about Evey?

I've seldom seen such affection as

you and this child have for each other.

You mean, I can adopt

Evey? Well, not quite.

But with Mr. And Mrs. Gregory

supplying a home life...

Then I can adopt you and Uncle Slicker.

Yeah. There's one stipulation.

Here it comes. I insist that you get a

job that will keep you away from racing.

Collins.

Yes, sir.

Oh... no.

No.

Aunt Sylvia,

here they come.

I can't see Uncle Herbie. Oh?

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