Bulletproof Page #3

is he gettin' out of this?

- Commuted sentence.

- How commuted?

- Still to be determined.

- Oh, bullshit! How commuted?

- Jack, take it easy.

- That a**hole shot me in my head!

- Now I got this a**hole tellin' me he's gettin' away with it!

- A**hole?

Jack, that's not how it happened.

Moses will do the time.

You know what? You and the DEA figure

that out. I want nothin' to do with it.

Hold on a minute, Jack.

The deal with Moses.

One condition.

What condition?

I don't know why he wants you to

bring him in, and I don't give a sh*t!

- With him, we finish what we started!

- No.

You don't have to be afraid.

We'll send in a team for backup.

You think

I'm afraid of Moses?

After the way you treated him, I wouldn't

be surprised if he put another bullet...

Jack, Jack! Hold on. Take it easy.

You're right, "Stench. "

I am afraid of Moses.

I'm afraid if I see him

again, I'll kill him.

Jack, come on.

- What do you want?

- Ohhh!

I mean, let someone else

bring Moses' stupid ass in.

Far as I'm concerned,

this sh*t is over for me.

You know, your cop buddies,

they all say the same thing.

They say you're not

the same man, Jack.

They say that when you got shot,

you lost a piece of yourself.

I didn't even know you then, but you

know what? I think they were right.

- What are you talking about? I'm happy.

- Come on, Jack.

You pretend you like your job, and it's

making you miserable eight hours a day.

And you pretend that

Archie Moses doesn't exist,

which is making you

miserable 24 hours a day!

If you don't finish

this thing with Archie Moses...

Come here.

You're right, as usual.

You're right.

Okay, little Keats, sit.

Good doggy.

Now beg for your life.

That's right, little Keats. Come on,

you can do it. Let me hear you cry.

No good. Bang!

Gotcha.

Poor little boy.

I'm surprised you showed up.

Why isn't this prisoner

in cuffs?

There he goes,

bein' a cop again.

Well, he wasn't going anywhere.

You cuff him.

Arms, legs, feet.

I want his a**hole

cuffed to his nuts,

and then put him

on the plane.

Before you do that,

see you later, buddy.

Man's best friend

right here.

Oh, you like that. Look, he's lickin' me

'cause he likes to lick me,

not 'cause he's tryin' to get

close to me and then f*** me over.

- Do I speak with an accent?

- No.

Then cuff the prisoner!

Don't you even want to know

why I asked for you, Keats?

I know why. You want

to finish what you started.

But I'm warning you, Archie Moses,

I'm lookin' for an excuse to kill you.

If you sneeze, if you fart,

if I even smell your breath,

I will shoot you dead.

How about if I chew loud?

Sometimes when I eat, I chew loud.

Yum-yum. You gonna shoot me?

I ain't gonna

try anything, Keats,

and you're so wrong

about that day.

You know what? I don't wanna

hear nothing you have to say...

about any subject

at any time.

And yes, I will shoot you

if you chew loud.

Man down! Sniper!

- Oh, sh*t, they're tryin' to kill me!

- Get your ass on that plane.

Hustle! Let's go!

What the hell

is goin' on up there?

- Sh*t! The pilot's dead.

- I got 1,000 hours.

- What?

- I got 1,000 hours flying a plane.

- Oh, bullshit.

- Mr. Colton's in the import/export business, remember?

Here, buddy.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

- Hey, come on, fly this baby.

- Not until you apologize.

- What?

- Apologize! You did some shitty sh*t!

You better hurry!

I swear to God if you don't

fly this damn plane,

you're gonna experience death,

then deja vu!

You're a bad person, man.

I can actually

taste my nuts.

You're killing me!

Mayday. Mayday.

Does anyone read?

Mayday? What is this,

a Kirk Douglas movie?

Is everything a joke?

You're wasting your time

anyway, man.

- Can we make L.A.?

- Not without gas.

They blew our gas tanks!

Oh, sh*t!

Okay, we're probably gonna

crash headfirst, right?

Okay, I'll be in the back

sittin' on the black box.

Here we go now!

Oh, God, no!

Stop, stop, stop!

I saved our f***in' life!

I have some advice for you,

Keats, right now.

Don't move.

Do not move.

I said don't move!

I didn't move, a**hole!

The damn plane is starting to slip!

Slow. Easy.

Don't yell!

The echo, the vibration, makes it move.

We have to whisper.

Whisper.

Aw, sh*t!

That ain't workin', either!

One... two... three!

Man, that was God's way

of tellin' you to let me go, I think.

Yeah? We must serve

different gods,

because mine is saying shoot you

and throw you over that cliff.

Well, I don't like your god.

Your god scares me.

I'm your god right now.

You're a piece of sh*t,

you know that, Keats?

Sometimes I wish that bullet

really did kill you.

You better watch

what you say to me.

That's pretty sick, man. You pretend

to be my friend for a full year,

and then you bust my ass.

That takes somebody really cold-blooded,

man, somebody not even human.

I was doin' my job.

When are you gonna understand that?

Yeah, well, now bringing me in

safe and sound is doin' your job!

And you're gonna do your job,

'cause that's the kind of cop you are.

Am I right,

Officer Keats?

You're right.

Now, in case you're wondering

why that hurt so much,

it's because I have a metal plate

in my head, compliments of you.

So from here on in, you better

watch what you say to me.

Seriously, Keats,

you blink, and I am out of here.

- Oh, really?

- Yeah.

You show up to L.A., you got nothin'

but your dingdong in your hands.

Which reminds me, I gotta

take a leak right now.

Piss in your pants.

We're not stopping.

Piss in my pants?

I haven't done that since I'm 24.

Seriously, man,

I gotta take a leak.

I gotta take a leak!

I gotta take a leak!

- You have 15 seconds.

- Fifteen seconds ain't gonna cut it.

I gotta unzip. I gotta shake.

That takes time.

You have ten seconds.

I know you ain't

gonna believe me, but...

- that day you got shot, man, that really was an accident!

- Time's up.

- I'm not finished!

- Yes, you are.

Come on. Wet pants.

- Get up!

- I got piss on me!

That was a big mistake, making me

piss my pants like that, man.

'Cause it's payback time.

I don't know when,

but I got a good feeling

it's when you're sleepin'.

'Cause I know you're

gonna sleep soon enough.

And then, guess what.

I'm gonna piss all over you.

See, that's worse.

It's my piss on me right now.

You can deal with it

when it's your own piss.

But you're gonna have my piss on you,

and that's gross.

I'm gettin' other people

to piss on you.

I'm gettin' animals

to piss on you, man.

Cows, pigs. I'll get

a whole farm to piss on you.

What kind of

weird place is this?

Hey, all right!

They got porno.

- Can I help you gentlemen?

- I need to use your phone.

- Charlie, is it?

- Charles.

I saw the sign, man.

You guys got a lot of porno here?

Yes, we have

an excellent selection.

Great.

I like the porn.

Well... good.

Hey, Cap, it's me. Yeah, someone

tipped Colton off about the pickup.

We got word. I heard about the attack.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes