Bullets Over Broadway

[ Applause ]

##

Toot-Toot-Tootsie good-bye

Toot-Toot-Tootsie don't cry

The little choo-choo train

that takes me

Away from you, You don't know

just how sad it makes me

Kiss me Tootsie and then

Do it over again

Watch for the mail I'll never fail

If you don't get a letter then

you know I'm in jail Hey, hey

Don't cry, Tootsie Don't cry

Kiss me, Tootsie Good-bye

#[ Whistling ]

Get hot Don't cry, Tootsie Don't cry

Good-bye, Tootsie Oh, good-bye#

I'm an artist, and I won't change

a word of my play...

to pander to some commercial

Broadway audience!

I'm not arguing with you!

Do you see me arguing?

Your play is great as is. It's real.

It makes a point. It's confrontational.

- Then why won't you produce it?

- Because I cannot afford

another failure.

- David, the play's too heavy.

- But not everybody writes to distract.

- [ Groans ]

- It's the theater's duty

not just to entertain...

- but to transform men's souls.

- Oh, come on.

You're not at one of your sidewalk cafes

in Greenwich Village. This is Broadway.

- You said you believed in my play!

- What do you want me to say?

I'm tapped out. Maybe if we got some

big-time director interested...

- I could scare up backers--

- No, no, no. I'm directing this play.

Ohh, will you listen to this guy?

Where's your track record?

I won't see my work mangled again.

I've been through this twice before.

Two powerful scripts,

could have been tremendous successes...

and I had to watch actors change

my dialogue and directors

misinterpret everything!

I know. I know.

You're an artist.

Let me tell you, kid, that's the

real world out there, and it's

a lot rougher than you think.

Ma

He's makin' eyes at me

Ma

He's awful nice to me

Ma, he's almost

breakin' my heart

What are you waitin' for?

Kill them!

Come on. Let's go

get somethin' to eat.

- I feel like eatin' ribs.

- That's a good idea.

I gotta go shoot crap at Tommy's. He's

got a game at the Ansonia. I gotta go.

Somebody's got to let

Mr. Valenti know what's going on.

He's at the Three Deuces.

- Why don't you go tell him?

- I promised Bobby Doyle.

I can't do nothin'.

- I gotta shoot a game.

- What's a matter, Cheech? Don't

you wanna baby-sit his girl?

His girlfriend's

a pain in my ass.

You gotta see Mama

every night

Or you can't see Mama

at all

You gotta kiss Mama

Treat her right

Or she won't be home

when you call

Now if you want

my company

- Here, doll, take care of this hat.

- You can't fifty-fifty me

- Mr. V. here?

- Yeah, right this way.

-Nice crowd.

-Yeah, we're packin' 'em in every night.

- Right here.

- Monday night I sat alone

Tuesday night

you didn't phone

Wednesday night

you didn't call

- Done.

- Now that's a load

off my mind. How many?

- Four.

- This means we ain't heard the last.

You know Kustabeck's gonna have a fit,

but he'll run scared.

- Maybe.

- Listen, a deal's a deal.

- We got midtown. I mean, eh...

Mr. Valenti does.

- [ Whistling ]

I don't want that kind

of a sheik

Who does his sheiking

once a week

You gotta see Mama

every night

Or you can't see

You can't see Mama

at all

Not at all.

[ Applause ]

I'm fed up!

I'm fed up, do you hear me?

You can push your torpedoes around all

you want, but I've had it up to here!

- What is it now?

- I am not sharing a dressing room.

I am tired of getting

bumped into and stepped on.

None of these bimbos knows how to dance.

- Bimbos!

- They're the best line in New York.

- Bullshit! Bullshit!

- Oh, knock it off.

- Hey, clam up over there.

Olive, come on.

- What?

- Olive, it's our anniversary.

- It's not our anniversary.

-You're getting senile.

-It's September 28. Six months to today.

- So?

- I remember it like it was yesterday...

'cause that's the morning

we broke Joey Benjamin's legs.

- Six months? Six months!

- Yeah. Six months.

- And I'm still stuck

in this crummy rat trap!

- Olive. I brought you somethin'.

- What is it?

- Open it.

- No, you open it.

Can't you see I'm dressing?

- I'll open it. Here. Hey.

- What is it?

- Pearls! What the hell

do you think they are?

- Pearls are white.

- These are black pearls.

Don't give me that!

I never heard of black pearls.

Just 'cause you never heard of somethin'

don't mean it don't exist.

What do you think I am? Some kind

of chump? They're black, for God's sake.

- They probably came

from defective oysters.

- The pearls ain't sick.

Black pearls, they're supposed--

What? They're supposed to be black!

- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Don't be that way.

You know I'm nuts about you.

If you're nuts about me, Nickie,

why don't you get me out

of this lousy chorus line?

I came to New York to be an actress.

That's where my gifts are.

You will, baby. You'll be a great

actress. A promise is a promise.

- Yeah, I--

- Come on. Get yourself dressed.

I'm takin' you to Harlem.

- The Cotton Club?

- Yeah, baby. [ Chuckles ]

[ David ] I'm telling you,

they read my play, they love it.

But they're afraid of it.

- [ Man ] It's irrelevant.

- It's not irrelevant!

The point

I'm making is that...

no truly great artist has ever

been appreciated in his lifetime.

- Not one?

- No, no.

- Flender.

- Take, uh, uh... Van Gogh

or Edgar Allen Poe.

Poe died poor and freezing

with his cat curled on his feet.

David, don't give up on it.

Maybe it'll be produced posthumously.

You know, I-I-I have never

had a play produced-- That's right.

- And I've written one play every

year for the past 20 years.

- That's because you're a genius.

The proof is that both common

people and intellectuals find

your work completely incoherent.

- It means you're a genius.

- We all have our moments of doubt.

I paint a canvas every week, take one

look at it and slash it with a razor.

- Well, in your case that's a good idea.

- I have faith in your plays.

- She has faith in my plays

because she loves me.

- Also because you're a genius.

Ten years ago, I-I-I kidnapped

this woman from a very beautiful...

middle-class life in Pittsburgh, and

I made her life miserable ever since.

Hey, Ellen, as long

as he's a good man, keep him.

You know, I think the mistake

we women make is we fall

in love with the artist--

- Hey, you guys, are you listening?

- Yes, yes.

- We fall in love with

the artist, not the man.

- I don't think that's a mistake.

- How is that a mistake?

- [ Woman ] The artist makes the man.

She's right. You can't

separate 'em. No, look. Say

there was a burning building...

and you could rush in, and

you could save only one thing:

either the last known copy

of Shakespeare's plays or

some anonymous human being.

- You cannot--

- What would you do?

- You cannot deprive the world

of those plays.

- Correct.

- Phone call, David.

- [ Girl ] It's an inanimate object.

It's not an inanimate object!

It's art! Art is life! It lives!

We got the money.

We can do the play.

What? When? How?

A single backer

goin' for the whole show.

An old acquaintance. I'm up

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