Burglar

1

[Telephone rings]

[Ring]

[Ring]

Bernice:
hello?

Ray:

did you do it?

Did you do it?

Not yet.

Do it now.

Go in now.

I'm not ready.

The guy runs 20 minutes

every morning.

What else

do you need to know?

Ray, I'm telling you,

this guy is dangerous--

[dial tone]

Hello?

I see

every move you make

there's nothing

you can do

to get by me

my, my profession

baby, I'm a thief

wanna shake your hand

it's true, you'll see

I look for silver

for China, maybe gold

makes lots of things

something I can hold

you've really

tried this time

I'll get my guilt

while it's on my mind

ah, baby

all this fun

can be no crime

[muttering]

you can't catch me

not the burglar

no way

try and catch me

each and every time,

I'll get away

hello?

Hello?

Is anybody home?

[Horn honks]

Got a package

for this address.

Can you sign for it?

Thanks a lot.

Have a nice day.

you can't catch me

not the burglar

no way

try and catch me

each and every time

I'll get away

when times get rough

I take a look inside

I always

found the things

you tried to hide

with each new day

your chances

will increase

who'll be

the next victim

of the thief?

you've really

tried this time

I'll get my guilt

while it's on my mind

ah, baby

all this fun

can be no crime

you can't catch me

not the burglar

no way

speak to me.

Speak to me.

Ha ha.

Mmm-hmm.

Ok, honey...

Let's see what you got

for me today.

Ohh...

Don't rush

to come out, now.

Everybody

gets a turn.

Very nice.

Come to mama.

Got you, you bastard.

[Door opens]

[Sniffs]

Aah!

I seen 'em!

I seen 'em!

I seen 'em!

I seen 'em!

I seen 'em

from the street!

They was runnin'

and duckin'!

Hey!

What's going on here?

What is she saying?

What's going on?

I've been robbed!

They come

through the hedge!

How many

were there?

I don't know!

2, 3 dozen.

Who were they?

Colored boys!

Maybe not!

Where did

they go?

Through the hedge!

Who are you?

I work for miss ornstein!

I don't know

what to do!

Let's go.

You, too.

No! no!

I got to go to work!

Wait here!

No, come on.

Let's go.

I think I see him.

This way.

I got to stop

doing this sh*t.

[Barking]

Carl:
get...

Please...

Get in...

Aah!

I mean, first the guy

with the packages comes.

Then Mr. I'm-a-jogger-

for-my-health,

he comes back.

Then his friend

shows up.

I've been

watching this place

for 3 weeks.

Nothing

ever changes.

It's always the same.

I got to open up.

It's close to noon.

I'll see you later.

Bye.

Are you from here

or from out of town?

Hi. may I speak

to Abel Crowe, please?

Oh, really?

No, no message.

Thank you.

May I speak

with Abel Crowe?

All right.

Would you tell him

the rare book

he ordered

has come in? Yes.

No, he'll know.

Thank you.

Bye-bye.

Hi. is this it?

Yep, that's it.

Hold on one sec.

Sure.

[Buzzer]

Uh...what's that

all about?

That? nothing.

Don't worry about it.

This is it, huh?

Yeah.

Ok, let's see.

With federal,

state,

and local tax,

it's 56.67.

What?

That's right, 56.67.

That's what it says.

These machines

don't lie.

What, are you

on drugs something?

I got a used paperback.

Drugs? is that what

you have in the bag?

No.

What's in the bag?

Look, what the hell

is this?

Open the goddamn door.

You going

to make me?

If I have to, yeah.

I got a Smith & Wesson

under the counter, man,

pointing at you,

and if you if

you don't hurry up,

I'm gonna shoot you

right in the dick.

You can't do that.

Are you kidding?

Of course I can do that.

In

this neighborhood,

I can shoot

a customer a week

and get away

with it.

I can't believe

this is happening.

You want

to hurry up?

You're holding up

my other customers.

I don't have $56,

all right?

It's gonna

cost you 60.

I didn't know

you had this one.

Hey, lady,

f*** you.

In that case, put the

books on the counter.

Yeah, sure. Sure.

And don't you ever,

ever try to steal

anything

from me again,

you understand that?

Yeah.

Ok. get the f***

out of here.

Yes. thank you.

You're welcome.

Have a nice day.

Babe.

That's about

the most bizarre thing

I've ever seen,

and I was a cop

for 25 years.

Usually, the customer

holds the proprietor up.

That's how it's

supposed to work, Bernie.

They come in here,

they hold you up.

How'd you

get in here?

You left

the back door unlocked.

I couldn't have

gotten in otherwise

because I don't know

how to pick a lock.

You got a permit

for that gun?

They giving ex-cons

permits these days?

Ray, I'm busy.

Yeah, yeah.

You look busy.

What do you want?

What do you

think I want?

I want $20,000

payable today right now.

And I want a mink coat

for my wife.

I'm getting tired

of asking for that, Bernie.

Ray, at the end

of the week,

everything's

gonna be very cool.

I give you my word.

I don't think so.

Why not?

Abel Crowe died last night

of a massive heart attack

at the St. Francis hotel.

Probably had a cholesterol

count of around 2,000.

So you better find another

receiver for that stamp

very, very fast,

my darling.

Who do you know

that takes stamps?

Not my problem.

My problem

is waiting around for you

to get the job done.

Ray, I'm not gonna do

something that's stupid,

and I won't hit somebody

who doesn't have it coming.

Please spare me your

ethical considerations.

You got a week.

A week?

Uh-huh.

Stamps.

Stamps are a New York business

for the most part.

See, I'm in a bit

of a fix.

You could fly

to New York.

I'm not sure

even then.

That's all right.

If you hear

of anybody, just...

I got

some other stuff.

This one I would

have trouble with.

It's very specific.

This one,

there's no problem.

1,000?

That's great.

I got this rolex

oyster perpetual.

The usual on that?

Yeah. thanks.

Always a pleasure.

Bernie,

i know you like

to find

your own things,

but you say

you're in a fix.

I know a long-time

customer.

I know the merchandise

involved.

It's very tempting.

IBM?

Sorry?

Italian businessman.

No, nothing like that,

nothing at all.

It's a dentist.

A dentist?

[Babies crying]

Maria dioso, por favor.

Bernard rho--

rhodenbarr?

Bernice, bernice.

Bernice rhodenbarr.

Yeah, it's nothing to

worry about, Mrs. Ramirez.

On your left.

[Door opens]

Buenos das. Como esta?

Bien.

Oh, an anglo.

Yeah, the epitome

of anglo.

Open up, please.

Uh, no.

Please open up.

No.

Open up.

No.

Please open up.

Where's the doctor?

Please open up.

Thank you.

Nice. nice choppers.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Ow! god damn.

I'm looking at your teeth.

Really?

Hi.

How we doing?

One cavity,

best as I can tell.

Cynthia:
thank you.

You can take a break now.

Don't forget

your nuts.

Lower left molar.

Great. thank you.

Shut the door.

Well, open wide.

Come on.

Thank you.

Good girl.

Mr. paggif is

a very nice man.

Yes, he is.

He said

i could trust you.

He can trust me.

I've bought a lot

of jewelry from him,

jewelry I don't

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