Burglar Page #2

have anymore.

Somebody stole it

from me,

my former husband.

I would like very much

to get that jewelry back.

Call the police.

Well...

Ok.

Aah!

It's on the house.

You need it.

Ok.

Most all of my business

is hispanic,

most of them

illegal,

so they pay cash,

unreported cash.

There. that'll be numb

in a minute.

Didn't feel a thing,

did you?

With this cash,

i bought jewelry.

When my husband

and I separated,

he went to

our safe deposit box

and cleaned it out.

There's nothing official

i can do about it

without the IRS

finding out.

Ok, open up

for Mr. thirsty.

He kees ha woolry

in tha houba?

What?

Does he keep the jewelry

in his house?

His apartment.

I don't know why.

Guess he likes to show it

to his girlfriends,

of which he has many.

Besides, he's not exactly

a rocket scientist.

I don't know about you,

but I've always been

a sucker

for a really nice

pair of buns.

[Turns on drill]

Aah!

Let's go.

Cynthia:

the apartment's simple.

There's no doorman

downstairs,

and I've even got a key.

Whellwy?

What?

Really?

Yes, really.

Christopher's

rarely there

because he's always

out in bars

screwing everything

he can get his hands on.

Bernice:
mutt is

uh wooey uhled at?

What?

What is the jewelry

valued at?

Oh, umm...

About 100,000.

Bullshit.

Ok, it's more.

I'm prepared

to give you

$10,000 for the job.

Wider, please.

Unnhy five.

What?

25,000,

that's what I need.

But, my god!

You got the key.

I'll tell you

where everything is.

What could be easier?

You do it, then.

Jesus! god!

$25,000!

Take it or leave it.

[Drilling]

Ow!

When will you go in?

At night?

No, in the daytime.

You'll do it, then?

Maybe.

[Alarm beeps]

That's right, b*tch.

Don't tell me

about the alarm.

[Alarm stops]

Hmm.

Gets around,

this Christopher.

[Telephone rings]

[Ring]

[Ring]

Hi. this is you-know-who.

I'm not you-know-where.

Leave a message when

you hear the you-know-what.

[Beep]

Woman's voice:

Hey, Christopher. It's Frankie.

I'll be hanging

at the mayday after 9:00.

I'd really like

to see you,

so come, ok?

Bye, baby.

Please!

[Rattles]

Oh, we got a definite

refrigerator man here.

Ah, yes.

Beautiful, beautiful.

[In Italian accent]

Very nice.

Is very, very nice.

Now, what's in the closet

for you?

Let's go and look.

This is very nice,

is so beautiful.

He's such

a good dresser.

And what's behind

door number 2?

Who knew this was there?

I didn't know.

Many beautiful things.

Great gatsby

would be very upset,

but what do I remember

from the other closet?

Let's go and see!

Oh, this is--

this won't do.

I would not watch

dogs f*** in this--

but this I would

watch dogs and cats--

[door opens]

Christopher:

apres vous.

[Woman laughs]

F***! f***! F***! F***!

[Voices]

Sh*t. sh*t.

Woman:

will you stop?

I got to stop

doing this sh*t.

Christopher:
ow!

[Woman

laughs]

Nobody's done that

to me in a long time.

Stereo:
I want to

feel your body

I shouldn't--

i don't know.

What?

you shouldn't what?

No, you got

to do it.

Woman:
aah!

[Groaning]

Oh! oh! Oh!

Oh! Ooh!

Aah!

Oh! oh! Uh! Aah!

Uhh! oh!

Oh! oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Who is this guy?

Why don't i

have his phone number?

[Tape turns off]

Aah! aah! Aah!

Oh! oh! Oh!

Uhh! uhh!

Oh!

[Bang]

I'm coming!

Ohh!

I guess so. Come on.

Ohh!

Oh, oh!

Aah!

Oh. oh.

Oh, oh...

Ah.

[Shower running]

[Turns off shower]

[Door opens]

Man:
Chris?

Christopher:

aw, sh*t.

What are you

doing here?

Why haven't you

returned my calls?

Look, forget about

returning your phone calls.

I haven't called you

in a week.

What the hell is going on?

There's nothing

going on, ok?

Don't walk away from me

when I'm talking to you.

Just relax.

I said don't walk

away from me!

Just get out--

what are you doing?

[Whimpering]

what is this?!

Ugh!

[Body falls to floor]

[Footsteps hurriedly

leaving]

[Door opens and closes]

[Telephone rings]

[Ring]

[Ring]

Excuse me.

[Ring]

Hi. this is you-know-who.

I'm not you-know-where,

so leave a message

when you hear

the you-know-what.

Ciao.

[Beep]

It's not like I've never

seen dead people before, ok?

I've seen

lots of dead people.

But this guy

was beyond dead.

I don't know what the f***

that was sticking in his chest.

He looked like

a wind-up toy.

You got to be crazy,

really crazy

to stab somebody

like that.

This was very bizarre.

I don't understand.

You get out of jail,

don't do anything wrong,

and now

all of a sudden,

you start

doing jobs again.

Carl...

Do you ever think that

i might worry about you?

I don't have oodles

and oodles of friends.

If I lose you,

I'll lose

my best friend.

Carl, you don't know

what's going on.

Let me tell you

what's happening.

You know ray,

the gimpy cop?

He comes and he says,

"i got something that I think

you'd be interested in.

"I got a pair of gloves from

a San Mateo job 5 years ago.

You know why I know

they're yours?"

I say, "no."

He says, "because inside

there are fingerprints

because there's powder

in the gloves."

I didn't know this.

I leave these gloves there.

He picks them up,

he puts them downtown,

and all he has to do

is call somebody and say,

"i know where

these gloves are."

So I say, "ray,

what is it that you want?"

He says, "i want $20,000

and a mink coat for my wife,

and I want you

to get it."

That means

I'm pulling jobs again.

Tomorrow they're going

to haul my black ass

back to jail,

probably for murder now.

You got

any suggestions, Carl?

I don't know.

Maybe you could

go, like,

on the $25,000

pyramid,

you know,

get the money.

Carl, I think maybe

a better idea

is that you find yourself

a new best friend.

Cynthia on TV:
I know good

dental care for your kids

is worth any price.

At the sheldrake clinic,

we make sure it's a price

you can afford.

In times like these,

you've got to ask yourself,

"why pay more?"

That's how we're used to

seeing Dr. Cynthia sheldrake,

but at 10:
45 this morning,

she was taken into custody

on charges

of murdering her former husband

Christopher Marshall.

Marshall lived in this

fashionable area near Nob Hill.

His body was found early--

well, my darling.

Lunchtime, ray.

Is that right?

Hold it right there,

pickaninny.

How about our stamp?

Y'all want the stamp,

massa ray?

I get it for you

right now.

I don't want the stamp.

Bernie,

listen to me.

I don't want

the goddamn stamp.

I want the money you're gonna

get when you sell the stamp.

Then you know what

y'all got to do.

You got to

find us a buyer.

Or maybe you can mail

yourself to sun city

or wherever the f***

retired policemans go.

Listen to me,

god damn it!

Get your hands

off me, ray.

Don't forget I was the state

prison boxing champ.

You're going

to get hurt.

Whoo!

boxing champion, huh?

As I recall, that was

a woman's prison.

I'm gonna slap

the sh*t--ow!

You don't listen,

that's your problem.

Bernie!

Oh, god!

Oh, god!

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