Burglar Page #3

Synopsis: Bernice "Bernie" Rhodenbarr is a burglar by trade, and she runs a bookstore as well. Her friend Carl Hefler is a dog groomer. After a successful burglary, it's discovered that a dead body was in the house she burgled. As she's the only one who can be placed at the scene of the crime, she has to use her criminal skills to clear her name of the murder AND avoid getting charged with the burglary.
Genre: Comedy, Crime
Director(s): Hugh Wilson
Production: Warner Home Video
 
IMDB:
5.0
Rotten Tomatoes:
27%
R
Year:
1987
103 min
376 Views


I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I told you.

Let's calm down

now, ok?

You b*tch!

Ray--

you lousy b*tch!

Ray!

That's it!

That's it!

I'm reopening the case!

You'll be the state prison

boxing champion again!

You hear me!

Look! give me

a break, ray.

A week!.

I'll get you

2 fur coats!

Damn it!

Damn it!

Hi.

Oh, god!

I'm sorry.

I was out of town.

Oh, Carson!

Look at me.

Don't.

Don't worry

about that.

This is like

a terrible nightmare.

You've got

to get me out of here.

Please, please,

get me out of here.

They fingerprinted me.

They undressed me.

I'm wearing

cotton underwear!

The kind that comes

up to here!

Sit down.

Come on, please.

Did my guy bates

do ok?

Well, he came. He just

said you were coming.

He didn't say anything.

Who is he?

A lawyer

in my firm.

He's a child.

He's 27.

And those pictures!

Those

dreadful pictures!

Who's going to see

those pictures?

Let me tell you what's

going on, all right?

They're going to keep you here

because they think

the murder weapon

came from your office.

It's some kind

of a dental tool.

I know all that.

Probable cause.

What is that?

It means the police think

that maybe--

no, how long?

They can only keep you

for 72 hours.

Well,

how long is that?

What?

How many days?

That's, uh...

It's, uh...

Oh, Christ.

3 days.

3 days.

Jesus Christ!

I'm going to

die in here!

I'll choke

on my underwear!

Have you smelled

this place?

It's like a goddamn

clorox factory!

Cynthia,

listen to me, please.

You are not going

to die in here.

You didn't kill

Christopher, right?

Of course I didn't

kill him.

Then I'll get you out,

so don't worry, ok?

Huh!

Now, you told them

nothing, right?

No.

Good.

I mean no.

I did tell them

something.

What?

I told them

the other day

I was talking

to a patient of mine,

and I was telling her

how Christopher

just leaves

all this jewelry

all over the apartment

for anybody to steal.

A black woman, ok?

What are you saying?

That Christopher caught her

in the act, and she--

the police said

there was a burglary.

They did?

Mm-hmm. closet door

was broken into.

The alarm system

was tampered with.

I didn't know that.

Well, hell!

You're always

out of town!

What did the guy

call this?

An elevator.

Jeez.

You use this

to pull teeth out?

No wonder

they put you to sleep.

Hell of a murder weapon.

Just punch the guy.

What did you say

the address was again?

What's this?

It says here, "residence."

What do you think?

You want to go in?

What is this?

It says here,

"place of business."

What do you think?

You want to go in?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

I'm gonna call

the department of corrections.

Maybe our friend

has a record.

...swept part

of the bay area today.

Bernice:
ok, Mrs. kirschman,

if ray comes in,

would you ask him

to call me, please?

I got to apologize

for something.

All right, then.

Thanks. bye-bye.

[Telephone rings]

Carl?

Miss rhodenbarr,

my name is Carson verrill.

I'm Dr. sheldrake's lawyer,

and I think we should talk.

Really?

Why is that?

Uh, yeah.

I got to tell you,

Mr. verrill,

it doesn't look real

good for me tonight.

Uh-huh.

Yeah, I understand.

Look, I'll, uh,

I'll call you.

Ok? yeah, bye.

[Humming]

Open up!

Police!

[Banging]

Police!

let us in!

We have

an arrest warrant!

What do you

want to do?

She was on the phone

2 minutes ago.

Eiaighh!

[Bang]

Oh!

Oh!

Look out!

Oh!

[Crash]

Come on through!

You sure you got

a warrant on this?

Yes! I am sure!

Wrong address.

Those are

the wrong addresses.

This is

the right address.

Ok, ok.

This is amazing.

[Siren]

What are you

doing here?

I'm just looking.

Get out of here.

What's going on

up there?

It's nothing

to you. Go!

I don't have to go.

This is a free country,

and I pay taxes.

Aah!

That's hot!

Watch out!

It's hot!

[Alarm rings]

[Alarm continues]

[Alarm stops]

Thank god.

I've never seen

anything like this.

Ok, search

the entire place.

What are we

looking for?

Jewelry, burglary tools,

dope, what else?

A black woman.

A black woman.

Christ, I hope we got

the right address.

Hi.

And I just

did the floors.

Ain't this

a b*tch.

P.A.:
welcome

to the roundabout,

an extraordinary

aquarium experience

presented to you

by the California

academy of sciences.

Enter this lifelike

simulated realm

of the vast ocean's

swimming species,

a silent, watery world

known only to marine dwellers

and the occasional

deep-sea diver.

The fish swim within

an endless circular channel...

Do you mind?

Here you are surrounded

by a ring of bright sea water.

Bernie?

Nod or something.

Am I...

Am I talking

to the correct party?

Well, this

is ridiculous.

Sit down, counselor.

Let's go someplace

we can be alone.

No.

It's your ass,

you know.

Let me explain

something to you.

The police, even

if they were idiots,

would know that the last person

to use a dental instrument

in the commission of a murder

would be a dentist.

You, on the other hand, were

in Dr. sheldrake's office

and could have very easily

picked up such an item.

Are you listening?

You're in a lot of trouble.

What do you want?

I want to know if you killed

Christopher Marshall.

All right, were you

in the apartment

when he was killed?

Did you see

or hear who did it?

Tell me. I would

really like to know.

You tell the doctor

to keep her mouth shut.

I'm afraid it's

a little late for that.

Then you tell her

if they pop me for this murder,

she's a felony accessory.

You're a lawyer.

You know that.

Are you saying

she set this up?

Come on.

Don't f*** with me, man.

Ok?

Then it's her word

against yours,

which is very bad

for you,

unless, of course,

there was

someone else

who knew about

this arrangement.

There was.

I just don't

want to involve him.

Then take a boat,

take a plane,

see Argentina.

Or find out

who really did it.

Right! conduct

an investigation

while the entire

San Francisco

police department

is looking for you.

Take my advice.

It's free.

Disappear.

P.A.:
we hope you enjoy

your visit and come back again.

Thank you.

You know...

Ray!

Telephone, ray!

Ok! all right!

Give me a break.

Goddamn phone.

Whole world's got to stop

for the goddamn phone.

Ray kirschman.

Ray, this is Bernie.

I need your help.

Just tell me exactly

why I should help you.

Listen to me.

Huh?

Ray, just listen.

You got a fur coat

for me yet?

What about that?

Huh? Huh?

I'm in serious

f***in' trouble here.

I don't want to hear

about this other sh*t.

You understand?

Huh? huh? Huh?

Sh*t!

[Hangs up]

Hello?

Hello?

Carl:
so, like, we're just going

to one bar after another?

Bernice:

that's the plan.

Looking for what?

People who knew

the dead man.

I can't

go in there.

It looks like

yuppies from hell.

Then I'll go alone.

No, wait.

Come in here.

Let's go.

One minute,

please?

Excuse me.

One minute.

If you coat your stomach

with olive oil,

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Jeph Loeb

Joseph "Jeph" Loeb III () is an American film and television writer, producer and comic book writer. Loeb was a producer/writer on the TV series Smallville and Lost, writer for the films Commando and Teen Wolf, and a writer and co-executive producer on the NBC TV show Heroes from its premiere in 2006 to November 2008. In 2010, Loeb became Executive Vice President of Marvel Television.A four-time Eisner Award winner and five-time Wizard Fan Awards winner, Loeb's comic book work, which has appeared on the New York Times Best Seller list, includes work on many major characters, including Spider-Man, Batman, Superman, Hulk, Captain America, Cable, Iron Man, Daredevil, Supergirl, the Avengers, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer, much of which he has produced in collaboration with artist Tim Sale. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Burglar" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 25 Jul 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/burglar_4833>.

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