Burn Country Page #3

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Afghan-style.

Oh-ho!

Ho! Well, you got

in the right car, brother.

Right car.

Whoa!

Oh!

Stop it. Hey, stop.

Hey, man! What are you...

Come on, man. Drive.

Got the leg.

That's a goddamn tickle monster.

It has to be something dynamic.

Present tense,

as Gabe liked to say.

Something small that shows us

the bigger thing.

Like a crime in progress.

Exactly.

The moment after

something terrible has happened

is very strange, you know.

There has been a...

A break in the life,

a hole in the world.

Does that make sense?

I can say it like this?

Oh, yeah, man. Makes sense.

A hole in the world.

Yeah.

Sometimes you can see

inside of this hole.

Sometimes you can't.

All right, I got it.

How about you hide out in the...

In the apple orchard

behind the Snapple plant,

wait for the cops to drag out

some petty crook out there

and beat the crap out of him.

You write that sh*t up tight!

Tight!

This really happened?

Oh, yeah.

Happened to a f***ing friend

of mine from high school.

Just made a little speed

till they showed up one night

at his kitchen table,

jacked his sh*t,

brought him out there,

worked him over into the fujis.

Good, man.

That's good.

Uh... what else you got?

Well, there's

the Sokurov brothers

out in the Guerneville hills.

The cops think

they're a bunch of freaks

that are into

biodynamic gardening

and making their own jam,

but truth be told,

them's the dirtiest

f***ing family

since them Gotti dudes.

Except they're skinny

as little girls,

and they shoot their own meat.

Hey, hey, hey.

You got to quote that

"not for attribution," man.

"'Skinny as little girls, ' said

some unidentified local craftsman."

You said this is all about

getting to the source

of things, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, downtown

ain't the place to start.

Here we go.

Ah.

Uh, who lives here again?

Oh, just old friends of a sort.

And what does this

have to do with anything?

Oh, you know, man.

You got to...

You're the blotter dude.

You got to meet the locals.

You know, get lay of the

land, all that, right?

Plus, bro, she is going

to love you, man.

She's going to love you,

all right?

Just give me 10 minutes here

and we're done, all right?

Come on, bro.

You and me, right?

Right? Right?

Right?

Okay, okay, okay.

Hey.

Ha-ha!

Ha-ha! Ho!

All right, all right,

all right, all right, cool.

Karen!

Hey, I want you

to meet somebody.

Hey, Dougie fresh.

Karen here?

Lindsay!

Hey, Mario, man,

I got to talk to her, okay, bro?

Come on, man.

Yo, meet this guy.

This is Osman.

Hi. Hello.

Osman. I like that.

You hungry?

Uh, no, thank you.

Osman, meet my wife, Suzie.

Are you even supposed to be here?

Hey, chill, bro.

No, Doug, he most definitely

is not supposed to be here.

This is Doug. Doug's mad

because he's grounded.

Came home from school

drunk yesterday.

Hey, two true statements,

douche bag.

One, I was at school,

and two, I came home.

Hey, Mario worked

for your paper, man.

He does the local arts, right?

You work for the paper?

Police blotter.

Oh, right. You're him.

Afghanistan. Welcome.

What happened

to Frankie the finger?

The finger's gone, man.

O-man is in.

We're taking this

to another level, right?

Yo, we're partners now.

Right? Right?

Well, I think...

Hey, where's she at, man?

She upstairs?

She upstairs?

Karen!

Uh, well, I was planning on

expanding on the coverage...

Oh, that's great,

because Mario here

couldn't cover up a strip

of litmus paper with his dick.

Hey, Doug, that's just nonsense.

Two quarters in the jar.

Hey, Mario, can...

Can I go upstairs?

I wouldn't if I were you.

F***, man.

You look like a retarded

boy scout right now.

Doug, I happen to look

like your father.

Hey, Osman, what would

happen in Afghanistan

if a kid spoke to

his father this way?

Yeah, tell him.

Well, he would be in trouble.

He'd be in trouble.

- Hi. Karen, hi.

- What are you doing here?

What are you doing here,

Lindsay?

Well, I thought I'd come by

and say hi...

No, you can't just

come by and say hi anymore...

I know, I know.

What the hell, guys?

- No one said anything?

- I did.

Hi.

And who the f*** are you?

I'm Osman.

Osman.

Wonderful to be finally

meeting you, truly. Yeah.

Lindsay, he say the most

beautiful things about you.

Yeah.

Lindsay.

What?

Oh, my god.

- Wait, Karen.

- What? What?

- You have to go now.

- No, no.

Look, I wanted to introduce you.

This guy is legit, okay?

I'm working with him

and I thought, you know,

maybe you could put in a

little word for me, you know?

Right?

I'm sorry. I am.

Why?

But I called Gary

when I saw you pull up.

Oh, no. Why?

Why would you do that?

You should take the back door.

Gary's going to be mad.

- Lindsay?

- What?

- We should go right now.

- Oh, man!

Nice meeting you. What?

You sent some people?

What the hell, Karen?

Still put in a word.

You can still do that, right?

Hey, listen...

Whoo!

Lindsay!

Lindsay!

Lindsay.

Police blotter.

Notes for September 6th.

5:
15 P.M.

Two men in the woods,

in pursuit.

One wild man with glasses,

one skinny and mean.

One unstable family,

one pig butchered indoors.

Appears to be a local custom.

Must verify with the experts.

One woman, relationship unknown,

although I have my guesses.

Lindsay streaks ahead.

Gone, escaped,

eaten by the woods.

The wild man and the skinny one

in pursuit.

Seeking what?

Running from who?

The...

Unidentified...

Local craftsman.

What happened to you?

I went to work.

You were right, Gloria.

Yeah?

I don't need you to be here.

Hello? Lindsay?

It's the foreign

correspondent man.

We have to talk.

Get down! Down!

Jesus Christ.

Come on, Lindsay.

Everybody knew him.

Not me, man.

Not me, man.

I don't consort

with that kind of...

You saw him yesterday.

From a distance.

From a distance, man.

Yeah? You talk to him?

You talk to anybody else?

No, I didn't talk...

I wasn't there for anybody.

I was there

for a little face time

with my ex-old lady, man.

This is insane.

- F***ing bullshit! F***ing...

- Lindsay, wait.

Lindsay.

Oh, man.

Just get back, brother. You don't

want any of this sh*t on you!

Lindsay, what's going on?

Who was that man?

Just a f***ing Minion, man!

They get them to chase you

and then they're f***ing...

Who?

Who does?

Just... f***, man!

I take one little drop

out of their whole ocean

of f***ing dirty scratch,

and then the f***ing world ends.

God damn it!

You tell Gloria

he was chasing you?

You think I'm going

to f***ing tell the cops, man?

It's three grand.

Not even four grand.

F***ers will put you down

for nothing, man.

They put you under for nothing!

So, maybe I don't understand,

but I think your reaction

to this is a bit too strong.

Two... two... two hundred f***ing

yards from my house, man.

The f***ers are on me.

Lindsay, you're not making the

complete sense right now.

Look, man, even if that was

a f***ing accident,

they're going to think

I had something to do with it.

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