Burnt Page #4

to get your own star.

His cooking style is out of date.

This isn't Paris five years ago.

Tastes have changed.

The commis call

the frying pan drawer "the museum."

- Did you know that?

- Yeah.

F***.

This is equipment.

And this is a chef.

It's a sous vide, or water bath.

It's used for poaching food

at fixed low temperatures.

- It's a condom.

- She has an idea.

- Using condoms?

- We can finish the meat on the fire.

There's nothing wrong with that, but we

use this to seal in all the flavors:

vegetables, herbs, spices, marinades,

anything you want sealed in.

We adapt.

You good?

I am. You?

Yeah. Good.

Okay.

Okay.

Yeah.

Works with the bass. Chef?

- Chef? The menu.

- Hey. Right here.

Mm. Pigeon.

Perfect with the beef.

It's 5:
30.

Can I please see the menu?

The critic from the Times is coming.

All new?

Is it okay?

Yes, chef.

Aprons up!

- Two minutes to the mackerel.

- Yes, chef!

- Where's that turbot?

- Coming up, chef!

Turbot! Table three!

- One minute on that pork, Max.

- Yes, chef.

Good.

This is my private number.

Who gave you the number?

No, no, no, no.

There's no table.

And please don't call

this number again. Okay?

- Adam Jones at The Langham.

- Excuse me.

Excuse me.

The Times.

Emile.

Ay, Papa.

I have almost everything I own

invested in this restaurant.

You're worse than schoolgirls.

Read the review?

Yeah.

I don't know why you're so happy.

I'm thinking of firing you.

And everyone else.

- It's fantastic.

- Well, glad you're happy.

Well, you're not, obviously.

Cooking's an expression of what?

Tell me.

At it's best...

of sustaining someone, of love.

That's bullshit.

"Adam Jones at The Langham

is now one of the best

and most interesting places

in London to come and eat."

Which part of that don't you like:

"one of" or "interesting"?

I don't want my restaurant to be

a place where you come and eat.

I don't want my restaurant

to be a place where you f***ing...

I mean, we should be dealing

in culinary orgasms.

When's the last time you had an orgasm

that was... "interesting"?

Remind me never, ever

to discuss food with you in public.

People eat

because they're hungry.

I want to make food

that makes people stop eating.

You're being stupid.

Cooking is an expression

of who we are.

Right now we're two stars.

Both of us. It's a two-star review.

Now, we can keep on cooking

and be interesting,

but I want people to sit at that table

and be sick with longing.

And I need you in order to do that.

- Good night, chef.

- Good night, chef.

- Morning, chef.

- Morning, chef.

Mmm.

- Morning, chef.

- Morning, chef.

Quick, quick!

Mommy, I want some biscuits.

We're late.

We'll get something on the way.

And Granny'll bring you a surprise when

she picks you up from school, okay?

Sweetheart, please, come on.

Lily, we're late.

Lil? Please. Come on.

One, two, three.

Have a look at the new menu.

A few items will seem familiar.

Most are new.

And most of our guests will be

a bit uncomfortable at first.

Do you know about the Michelin men?

- It is a book.

- It is the book, Yana. The Bible.

Michelin sends its inspectors

to restaurants to eat and award stars.

- One. Two. Three.

- Or none.

No one knows who they are.

No one.

They come, they eat, they go.

But they have habits.

They have to stick to a routine

to give every restaurant

the same chance.

Michelin men eat in pairs.

Sometimes the Michelin man

could even be a woman.

They always book a table before 7:30.

The first of the pair arrives early

and has a drink at the bar.

His partner arrives

half an hour later.

One orders the tasting menu,

the other one a la carte. Always.

They order half a bottle of wine.

They ask for tap water.

They wear business suits.

They're polite. But attention.

They may place a fork on the floor,

under the table to see if you notice,

and they wouldn't drop it

because that could make

a noise and make it too easy.

Everything from now on

must be perfect.

Not good, not excellent...

perfect.

If they find one single thing wrong,

they will kill us.

And they will come for us soon.

- How long on the lamb?

- Give me two more minutes, chef.

Adam.

There are two men at the kitchen door

wanting to see you.

They're French.

Service!

Should I tell them

you left half an hour ago?

- Canapes!

- No. They'll just come back.

- Michel, to the pass.

- Yes, chef.

Bonesis?

Adam still

owes him all that drug money.

Why don't you lend it to him?

I offered, but he won't take it.

You all right?

Yeah. Fine.

Chef, just careful, it's hot.

What's wrong? What's wrong?

Let me see, let me see,

let me see.

Oh. You need a Band-Aid.

Michel.

Sorry, chef.

I was taking my break.

Stay.

I want you to try something.

I'm working on a, uh,

Ratte potato and truffle.

And I used a little bit

of your beef sauce.

That's good.

It's my daughter Lily's

birthday on Thursday.

Conti used to let me have the day off

so that I could throw her a party.

I was hoping I could maybe miss

the lunch service on Thursday.

The problem with being good

is you become indispensable.

I need you here all day Thursday.

Yes, chef.

- Max, truffles.

- Got them.

- David!

- Yes, chef?

- Fish!

- Yes, chef.

Chef.

It's not cooked.

- Sorry?

- Raw. It's not cooked.

It's f***ing raw, David!

It takes a real genius to f*** up

the sous vide, David, let me tell you.

One mackerel,

one scallop, two veal. Where's my fish?

- Coming.

- David!

- Yes, chef?

- Hurry up!

When are you gonna do something

about Medusa out there?

You're pushing her too hard.

If you're not careful,

she's gonna end up like you.

And we can't have a kitchen

with two of you in it.

It's the end of service.

She should be fine.

If not, we need to know that.

She wants to be like us.

In order to do that,

she's got to live the life.

I liked her better before.

Just wanted to tell you.

I had dinner with Tony last night.

He wasted his night off

with you, huh?

We talked a lot about you.

Isn't there a rule that analysts have

about discussing patients

with other patients?

I'm not your analyst.

Thank God.

You know he's in love

with you, don't you?

Yes.

He didn't relaunch the restaurant

to impress his father.

- He did it for you.

- Yeah.

He wants you to get your third star.

Even after all the pain

you've caused him.

He wants to see what you'd be like

without a knife in your hand,

fighting for your life.

You know, people pay prostitutes extra

to fake orgasms.

Maybe Tony pays you extra

to fake concern.

Tell me what frightens you.

Spiders. Death.

Well, or maybe

the imperfection of human relationships,

the imperfection of others,

of yourself.

What happens if you get

this third star?

- Oh, no, not "if," "when."

- All right, when you get it.

Celebration. Fireworks.

Sainthood, immortality.

Perfection.

Mm-hm, sure.

What happens if you fail?

Plague, pestilence.

Seas rise, locusts devour.

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