Butterflies Are Free Page #5

Well, let me tell you something, big mouth.

I don't do anything for anybody

I don't want to.

And I'll be goddamned

if I'll feel sorry for any guy...

who's going to go to bed with me.

"I knew the day you met me"

"I could love you if you let me"

"Though you touched my cheek and said how"

"easy you'd forget me you said"

"Butterflies are free"

Jill!

- I'm in here.

- What are you doing?

I'm looking for something.

Oh, here it is.

Good morning.

What've you done to your hair?

I just combed it.

- Well, I'll fix it.

- What's wrong with it?

It doesn't go with your new clothes.

I have a present for you.

It's in here.

- Beautiful wood.

- And mother-of-pearl.

I take this with me everywhere.

Everything that's important to me

is in here.

This is a piece of the moon or a star.

I found it in the desert

and I showed it to this geologist.

He said he'd never seen

any mineral like it on earth.

It probably fell from the moon or a star.

- It feels like a rock.

- Well, it isn't.

And this is one of my baby teeth.

Thank you.

And this is my birth certificate.

And this is a picture of me

when I was in The Mikado in high school.

- Oh, it's not very good, anyway.

- No, let me see it.

- You were chubbier then.

- Yeah.

Can you feel that? Oh, I believed you.

I always believe you.

And this is my last will and testament.

Your last will and testament?

And the instructions to my funeral.

My entire estate is to be divided equally...

among whoever are

my four closest friends when I die.

Names will be filled in later.

- I thought you didn't like anything morbid.

- But it isn't morbid.

That's the point.

Funerals don't have to be morbid.

I know just how I want mine.

In a big church...

and I want all the pews removed...

and nothing but big cushions

for people to lie around on.

And I don't want anybody dressed in black.

They should all be in gay, bright colors

and far-out clothes.

They should all be drinking or smoking pot

or whatever they want.

And I want Salvador Dal to paint the

walls with lots of groovy pictures.

And I want flowers.

Tons of flowers.

Not funeral wreaths.

Just tons of wild flowers

strewn everywhere.

And butterflies.

Yes, lots of butterflies.

And other animals can come, too.

I want music playing all the time.

And I want Neil Diamond to write me

a special memoriam and sing it.

I want the Stones to sing...

and Simon and Garfunkel

and the Vienna Boys' Choir.

And me.

Definitely you.

- What is so morbid about that?

- Nothing.

It's like being buried at Disneyland.

Here it is. A present for you.

- What is it?

- What does it feel like?

It feels like a necklace.

They're love beads.

I wore them when I was a hippie.

And I want you to have them.

They look groovy on you,

especially when I fix your hair.

Come on.

Sit right here.

- I don't want to look too wild.

- You won't look wild at all.

You'll look beautiful and romantic

like Lord Byron.

- What did he look like?

- I don't know.

God, I'm hungry.

- There are a couple of apples in the fridge.

- Good.

There's an awful lot of lettuce,

which is not what I'm dreaming of.

- There's only one apple.

- It's yours. I'm not hungry.

Now, relax. It won't hurt a bit.

- When were you a hippie?

- Years ago, when I was a kid.

I guess it was right after my marriage.

I used to hang around the Sunset Strip,

smoke pot, spit at the cops, the whole bit.

I only did it

because everybody else was doing it.

And then I stopped doing it

because everybody else was doing it.

I was losing my individuality.

But the main thing, of course,

was to protest against my mother...

which didn't work.

I walked in one day with long, stringy hair,

dirty sandals and freaky clothes...

and she loved it.

Then she comes in with long, stringy hair,

dirty sandals...

and freaky clothes.

How do you protest against somebody

who's doing the same thing you are, right?

So, then I went the other way

and I joined the Young Republicans.

Another mistake.

There's no such thing

as a young republican.

There. You look terrific.

- It doesn't look too wild?

- No. It doesn't look wild.

- It gives you charisma.

- Charisma?

Pizzazz! Star quality!

I mean, you don't even need talent

if you have charisma.

They'll line up for blocks to see you.

Wow.

You're beautiful.

You're a beautiful person inside and out.

Well, I like you, too.

Yesterday when I took your hand

and put it on my breast...

were you shocked?

Sort of.

So was I.

I don't mean from the standpoint

of morals or anything.

I was surprised to be feeling a girl's breast

when I wasn't expecting to.

I'd hate for you to think that I go around

putting men's hands on my breast.

No, I don't think you go around doing that.

Well, I don't.

I mean, if I want to go to bed with a guy

usually I have this little smile...

that lets him know I'm interested.

Oh, yeah? Smile that smile.

I want to feel it.

- That's it?

- No.

I can't do it now. You're making me laugh.

I'll do it later.

But I did have to use a different approach

with you, didn't I?

Anyway, I didn't want you to think

I was terrible.

I didn't.

I don't.

Oh, I hate talking about sex.

But I did want you to know

that last night you were...

You were really...

Like the Fourth of July?

Yeah. Like the Fourth of July.

And like Christmas.

- Where are you going?

- I thought I'd make some coffee.

Great. We'll have breakfast in bed.

- Hello, Mother.

- I'm glad I found you in, Donnie.

Jill, this is my mother.

Your mother? Have I been here a month?

Mother, this is Mrs. Benson.

- How do you do?

- How do you do, Mrs. Benson?

Are you living here, too?

No, I live next door.

I just came in for a cup of coffee yesterday.

- I had trouble zipping up my blouse.

- So I see.

Where is your blouse?

Now let me see,

it must be around here somewhere.

Oh, here it is.

You see, I have this long zipper

and it's hard to do up alone.

Here, put your things on.

Mother, what're you doing here?

We had an agreement.

I was in the neighborhood.

You were at Saks,

which is halfway across town.

I bought you some shirts...

and I thought you'd have them sooner

if I brought them myself.

I don't need any shirts.

You bought them as an excuse

to come down here.

Would you mind?

Thank you.

- And this is what you left home for?

- This is it.

- It isn't Buckingham Palace, is it?

- No, it's the Taj Mahal.

Is this where you eat, on the floor?

That happens to be a beach.

Where did this furniture come from?

Some of it came with the apartment.

The rest from a junk shop.

Don't tell me which is which.

Let me guess.

What in God's name is this?

I don't know what you're looking at.

I can't describe it.

It's my apartment.

Have you ever thought of hiring a maid,

Mrs. Benson?

I can manage.

I might be sloppy, but not dirty. There's

a difference between "sloppy" and "dirty."

I'm so glad to hear that.

Has this door always been open?

No. It's always been locked.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes