Bye Bye Birdie Page #8

As I was saying, gentlemen...

Yeah!

Yeah!

No. Listen, fellas...

Watch out!

Rosie, baby.

Good morning, darling.

Way past noon. Sleep okay, honey?

Mm-hmm. I tried not to.

I wanted to keep reliving

that wonderful moment...

when my shining knight...

rushed into the sultan's cave...

and carried me oft.

Oh, that's just the beginning.

Pack. We're takin' the bus

to Niagara Falls.

Oh, yes, dear.

You never saw me

in pajamas betore.

You disappointed?

Mm-mm.

Are you?

Let's take a plane to Niagara Falls...

a jet!

Albert, we came here

to get your mother set financially...

and our marriage

wouldn't have a chance...

if we started off feeling guilty

about deserting her.

That's right. It may be a long time

betore I make any money.

Not if Birdie sang

your song tonight.

No chance. I pleaded.

They won't shorten the ballet...

not even ten seconds.

It's the slowest dance I ever saw.

They move like turtles.

- What?

- Randolph!

Boys, those are really showstoppers.

Frank, Dean and Sammy,

come on out here and take a bow.

Frank, Dean and Sammy McWilliams.

Thank you, boys.

Right now, here on our stage,

the magnificent orchestra...

of American composer-conductor

Ray Block.

Now, really. Let's hear it.

Well, that ought to do it.

Any questions?

- No, sir. Not at all.

- Okay. I'm going backstage.

Right.

Don't know why I let that Albert

drag us here.

Rosie said she might have

a big surprise for us.

Maybe they'll show us sitting here

on TV. I bet that's it.

- Where did you get all that money?

- I sold Mr. Peterson my chemical set.

- Two minutes, maestro.

- Borov will be there.

Have never been late

for performance in whole career.

- You say you from magazine?

- Uh, yes. American Ballet magazine.

We want a picture of the world's

greatest conductor, Maestro Borov.

You flatter me.

So, shoot me quick.

Uh, drinking this milk.

- Milk?

- Yes.

We drink vodka, little tlower.

Oh, well, no, thank you.

Please, maestro. This milk.

You see, our president

has asked us to drink more milk...

and it would be

a goodwill gesture.

- President?

- Yes.

Oh, won't you, please, maestro...

to improve our relations?

You are pretty enough

to be un-American.

All right. Here we go.

Drink up. That's it.

Now keep drinking until I frame you...

Uh, frame you pertectly. All right.

Bottoms up. That's it.

Very good.

You've got it. I mean, gotcha!

See you after, could be?

- I'll catch up with ya.

- And for you I do not go too fast.

We shall see.

Good-bye. Thank you.

Mission accomplished.

- He drank it?

- Yeah.

My formula works on chickens

and Randolph's turtle...

but I don't know about humans.

Well, it it doesn't,

we're no worse off...

but if it does, this will be

the shortest ballet in history.

And now, ready America and Canada?

Because here we go out

to Columbus, Ohio...

where the Moscow Ballet dances

"The Rose Adagio"...

from Tchaikovsky's

Sleeping Beauty...

conducted by Maestro Borov.

Take it away, CBS Columbus, Ohio.

We're on. Up on one.

Lights.

Camera two, can you move to your right

just a couple of feet?

Magniticent.

It's not gonna work.

This is crazy. That's not the way

it was rehearsed.

What is it, sabotage?

We'll have to fill some time.

Put the Birdie song back in.

Gotcha, Ed.

Take over.

Be prepared tor the Birdie spot.

Albert, "One Last Kiss" is back in.

Find Conrad. Rosie, get Kim.

- Right.

- Put the Birdie spot on stage. Let's go!

McAfee, hurry up! Come on.

Let's go. The song is back in!

- A miracle happened! Let's go!

- What? Come on!

Are you crazy, Borov?

I've never seen such speedin' dancers.

Thank you, Moscow Ballet...

for that brilliant

and unexpected bit of burlesque.

And now, another great treat...

Conrad Birdie.

On behalf of all the members...

ot the Sweet Apple chapter

of the Conrad Birdie Fan Club...

We wish to express to you...

our great pride in your brave deed.

- Hiya, Ed.

- Oh, no.

Oh, hi. How are ya?

I wish to convey our deep pride...

in your brave deed, namely...

As a citizen,

I'm proud to have Conrad...

defend my family

and the McAfee Fertilizer Company.

Conrad, sing!

Oh, one last kiss

Give me one last kiss

It never felt like this

Nah, baby, not like this

You know I need your love

Give me one last kiss

One last kiss

Oh, one more time

Mmm, baby, one more time

It really is sublime

Ah, honey, so sublime

You know I need your love

Give me one last kiss

One last kiss

Baby

Give me one last kiss

Baby

Give me one la...

Yoo-hoo! Albert!

I saw it all on TV.

"One Last Kiss" was a disaster.

Who wants to buy a record

of a guy with a glass jaw?

Now will you take Mama's advice

and get out of show business?

I am! My song may be dead, but

my chemical formula works... on people.

Shh. The Russians

may have this place bugged.

It was Albert's formula that made

the orchestra leader go that fast.

My genius!

You gotta work on my cleaning woman.

She gets a dollar an hour.

Yeah. Mama...

Rosie and I are going

to Niagara Falls.

Well...

it's about time.

Oh, Mae!

You have to come with us!

No. I'm one mother

doesn't mix in. Maude!

Don't fall in the pit, Maude.

- Albert?

- Yes.

I would like to do things proper.

So I would like the honor

of becoming your stepfather.

Is it all right, Albert?

Mama, with my blessing!

- I'm glad because we just got married.

- Yes.

- What a surprise!

- How exciting! It's beautitul!

- Congratulations!

- Thank you very much.

Let's go, Maudie!

We're leavin' for Akron.

Hubby has to open a new bar and he wants

me to throw out the first beer can.

- Yeah! Good-bye, son!

- The falls are wet. Take your rubbers!

- Bye!

- Yes, Mrs. Maude.

How about that?

Maude and Mrs. Peterson.

- Oh, ready here, Albert.

- Be right with you.

No hurry, partner.

I promise you one thing, snookums.

No matter how many millions I make

sellin' "Speed Up"...

I'll still be the same,

humble, lovable guy.

And it any of those hicks try

to push me around, I'll break 'em.

Everything is Rosie

Since I found my Rosie

Same old words.

With a girl like Rosie

How could I be blue

Same eight bars. Now what?

Hand in hand, we'll mosey

Me and little Rosie

We will be so cozy

By a fire built for two

Oh, Albert, you're too much.

Oh, I once heard a poem that goes

A rose is a rose is a rose

But I don't agree

Take it from me

There's one rose sweeter

than any that grows

And that's my Rosie

I'm so glad she chose me

Life is one sweet

Beautiful song to me

Everything is Hugo

I will go where you'll go

With a boy like Hugo

How could I be blue

We will be so cozy

Just like Al and Rosie

But we're gonna mosey

In a hot rod built for two

- And that's my Rosie

- Gee, how delighted we'll be

- I'm so glad she chose me

- When you are cozy with me

Life is one sweet beautiful song

When love is right

then what could be wrong

Life is one sweet

Beautiful song to me

Bye, bye

Birdie

The army's got you now

I'll try

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