Cake Page #3

---

- Hey, Silvana.

- Mr. Bennett.

Good to see you.

You look so skinny. You know?

- Okay. We're okay.

- It's good to see you.

We're okay. You can leave now.

You're not gonna...

I don't get a thank you?

Oh, yes.

Thank you for abusing your position

within the federal government.

- To save your ass.

- For some stupid laundry detergent.

And whatever you put in that statue

that they didn't find.

Good-bye.

- Good-bye.

- Good-bye, Silvana.

Okay. Good-bye, Jason.

Maybe I should...

get the rest of my stuff while I'm here.

Not tonight. Wouldn't be prudent.

You know, you never called my assistant.

I know. I will call her tomorrow.

- You're lying.

- Boy, nothing gets past you?

That doesn't say "I'm leaving."

I'd love to know how you're doing.

All right.

I've been better.

I'm sorry.

This is gonna sound weird...

and full of all kinds

of inappropriate intentions.

I can handle.

And I don't want to

have sex or anything.

But would you just...

stay in my room with me

until I fall asleep?

Of course.

That was easy.

There you go.

Thank you.

Do you want me to lie down next to you?

No. The chair.

Okay.

You want me to tell you a bedtime story?

Yeah.

Y-Yeah.

Tell me a story...

where everything works out in the end

for the evil witch.

I can do that.

Thank you.

Once upon a time...

there was a queen...

who decided to travel to

a magical distant land called...

Tijuana.

Jason?

I need a ride.

I'm just running an errand.

I don't mind.

Thanks for not asking me

why I sit like this.

Or why you keep turning up at my house?

Look, I'm not a stalker.

I mean, not in the traditional sense.

I don't care.

It doesn't bother me either way.

I like your attitude.

Did a nice job. They were fast.

That granite?

Do you know where they got it?

I'm thinking of putting a kitchen

island in my backyard.

Oh, some Greek guy.

- I'll get you his card.

- That'd be great.

That'd be great.

She was 31.

Yeah.

I never would have thought that.

- Why is that?

- Just seemed younger.

- Can you...

- Oh, yeah.

- All right.

- Oh, sorry.

I think that's illegal.

I don't give a sh*t.

Oh, great. Thanks.

- Enjoy.

- I was just in Tijuana.

Yeah? What for?

This guy I was dating...

wanted to go down there

and get drunk on cheap booze...

and then watch women

have sex with donkeys.

I'm kidding.

I know.

- I was just down there for work.

- Yeah? What kind of work?

Nothing. Nothing interesting.

Right.

You know how my wife killed herself?

Yes.

Did she leave a note?

No.

Wow.

We did this exercise

in the suicide support group...

where the... your partner...

pretends to be the one who died.

Would you like to know

what I said to my beautiful wife?

Yeah.

Thank you for ruining my life.

Thank you for ruining Casey's life.

Thank you for leaving me

in this f***ing mess.

I hate you so much I can barely breathe.

I hope you burn in hell.

'Cause that's where

you left me and Casey.

Think I might have scared my partner.

They might have thought

I was gonna bash their face in.

Do I scare you?

That's not a bad thing.

Cheers... mate.

- Cheers, mate.

- Yeah.

Careful.

Okay. I got...

Oh, that was a challenge.

Okay, I gotta get...

I gotta make something clear.

Oh. He said,

changing the mood of the room.

- Yeah.

- Seriously.

- Yes?

- I don't want to have sex.

- I know.

- Well, I just want to make that clear.

I know. I get it.

I don't like to sleep by myself either.

Very, very clear.

Oh!

Sh*t.

All right. That's enough.

All right,

enough with the f***ing honesty.

Sh*t.

What's going on?

I took a f***ing cab.

Why?

It dawned on me you are

more than a little depressed.

I didn't have your phone number.

You thought I was going to kill myself?

Not that that's actually

any of my business.

Well, I didn't.

I'm... alive.

- I see.

- Ta-da

Good. You're not dead.

I don't have to break in, call the police.

That's a relief.

You know, you just could've said

you wanted to come over.

Yeah, but what's the fun in that?

Oh, good girl.

Good girl. Good girl.

You know, there are

primitive people who think...

you steal a person's soul

when you take their picture.

- Hi, slut.

- Oh, hey.

Thanks for the Percocets.

What are you doing here?

He doesn't even like you.

I mean, he's in mourning for me.

He's not thinking clearly.

Would you give me a f***ing break?

You just use people.

I know.

F*** you.

Your language has really

degraded since group.

You know, I could hear him

yell, "Don't jump."

Don't jump!

Oh, sh*t! Sh*t!

What's going on?

I forgot my mom's dropping off Casey.

- Just stay here.

- Okay.

What happened to your face?

Would you mind letting me finish peeing?

Oh, God.

It's my birthday.

Happy birthday.

Can you give me a kite?

It's not your birthday.

Your birthday is next week.

Oh, right.

I want a big one. I want a shark kite.

I like any animal that bites.

You okay?

Yeah.

I'm good.

I'm absolutely fine, thank you.

Hear it? Yeah.

Water.

Like a family of them?

What do you think of that?

Everything's blue. That's silly.

Well, Picasso did it.

And that turned out pretty good for him.

- Now do this one.

- I wanna do that one.

All right.

I'll be right back.

I oughta smack that grin

right off of your f***ing face.

- What?

- Oh, you heard me.

Leave me the f*** alone!

Yes?

I'm a friend of Claire's. I think

you drove her to my house one day.

Yes. Yes. She is sleeping now.

Very tired, you know?

- She... left this at breakfast.

- Yeah.

Thank you.

I might just wait here.

Excuse me?

I'm a bit worried about her.

Do you want to come in?

Claire.

- Claire.

- Oh, Jesus!

Sorry. Sorry.

Oh.

Is that you, or am I hallucinating?

No, it's me.

Prove it.

You're gonna have to trust me.

I lied about Nina not leaving a note.

It's not very original.

Silvana told me about your accident.

And your little boy.

Well, Silvana needs

to keep her fat mouth shut.

She cares about you.

I pay her to care about me.

It's not my fault she gets sentimental.

And don't you get sentimental either.

I can't save you.

I can barely save myself and my kid.

I'm not asking you to.

Silvana?

Yes?

Silvana, you have this habit...

of letting everyone into the house.

But he is a friend, no?

And I think you get angry, but...

Why? What?

I invite him and his boy...

for lunch the day after tomorrow.

- What?

- I make tamales.

- You love my tamales, no?

- I don't care.

I don't give a sh*t.

That's not the point.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Oh.

Well, what... what did he say?

He say yes.

Good.

Good.

Maybe you could make some

of those mango tamales too?

Yes.

- Anything more?

- Yes.

The next time someone

comes to the front door,

you have to ask me

before you let them in.

- Yes. Yes. Yes.

- Even if it's Jesus f***ing Christ himself.

You don't have to say Jesus...

You gotta start making tamales,

and I gotta go shopping.

So let's do this.

Hi.

I really didn't think I'd see you again.

I have to get something off my chest.

Rate this script:3.0 / 2 votes