California Split Page #8

It's going to be all right.

I just need the typewriter.

What have I got?

Packing it all up

and moving to Europe to paint?

Yeah. I'm going to Reno.

I think they've changed the rule,

you can't bet your typewriter.

Cash, you know.

Well, a guy told me they got

40-80 low-ball stud game...

and a man can win a lot of money.

Sounds interesting. But why Reno?

Vegas figures to have

the same kind of game and it's closer.

Fine. You go to Vegas, I'll go to Reno.

Reno. Sounds like you might have

a nice shot in a game like that...

- if you have enough money behind you.

- I'm going to win.

- I don't know, William.

- I do.

Reno, that game. Sounds like a tough game,

tough action, William...

with a lot of these lumberjacks

going up there. Cowboys, rich guys.

- Tough action, William. It's a tough game.

- Nobody's asking you to play, pal.

What's with you?

I don't like you coming in here

with all your pessimistic sh*t.

- I don't know what's bugging you...

- I know how I feel. Let's see...

Yeah, how do you feel?

- Pal, I'm going to win!

- Yeah? So win!

Who the f*** is stopping you?

Go ahead and win.

- Stop interfering. I don't interfere with you.

- Who's interfering with you?

I ain't interfering with you.

Look, I know how I feel.

I don't want to talk about it anymore.

Is that clear? Because I know how I feel.

Baby, I'm gonna win.

I believe you.

William, did I ever show you

my one-armed piccolo player?

The man is a classic.

The man is world-renowned.

William, you got to check this out.

William, for me.

You got to check this out, William.

The man is known all over the world.

Now listen. Just watch me.

When I reach my crescendo, for me,

you got to give me a little hand.

A little applause, William. Okay? Right?

Ladies and gentlemen, your beloved,

world-renowned, one-armed piccolo player.

The hand, now. A little applause. Come on.

Thank you very much.

- You need a partner?

- What?

- A partner?

- Yeah. I think so.

- You going to take it away now?

- I'm going to stab myself, William.

Get on him.

Good shot.

Fourteen all.

Come on, they're killing us.

- Too quick for the old people.

- I got him.

- Fourteen all.

- He doesn't know what he's doing.

- Way off.

- Free throws.

Free throws. Get it up.

Sh*t.

Rebound.

Yours, yours.

- You got a lot of merchandise.

- Yeah, and I want a lot of money.

Here you go.

Are you selling it or making a loan?

- Which is going to give me more money?

- lf you sell it.

I'm selling it.

Move faster.

Here we go.

- That's game.

- Nice shot.

You jerk.

- Way to work on the old man.

- Come on, careful, old man.

The man beat you by 20 points.

I'll tell you what. Do I need a handicap?

I'll play one on one

for whatever you got in your pockets.

- For real money?

- Real money, right.

- For real dollars.

- For real dollars?

I don't see no Walt Frazier

or Jerry West here.

You're going to lose your money.

That's what I'm here to do is to lose.

You choose. Get your money together.

Don't go anywhere, man. Stay right there.

- I'm standing right under the hoop.

- Fine.

You got some money?

- I got $10.

- I got it.

What have you got?

- You got the money?

- I got it.

You know, this is stupid.

I can't believe this sucker.

I got $10.

- What've you got?

- Got $30.

- I got $10.

- That's $40.

- I've got $5.

- $49.

- That's $49.

- Look at him pulling up his socks.

You got some money, old man?

- What you guys get together?

- We got $49.

- You been returning your deposits?

- That's right.

$49? You got $1? I got $50 here.

Okay, here's the game.

You're holding, right?

- Who am I playing?

- You got me, buddy.

- I got the shooter?

- Yeah.

Okay. Hit or miss for the ball.

- I got the ball. What is it, 11 hoops?

- That's all right.

Eleven hoops?

- Don't worry about it.

- Come on.

Come on, Russ.

- Now beat him.

- Good.

What's that? Five?

Come on, man.

What do you think you are doing?

The Blue Book gives $2,400.

- But I can't give you $2,400.

- What do you mean?

With this gas shortage, more people

are buying little motorcycles...

and bicycles than they are cars.

I'm afraid I just can't find a buyer.

The result is official.

No, man, I got to sell it today.

I tell you, I just can't do it today.

I'll give you $2,200.

- $2,200? That's the best you can do?

- Final offer.

- Let's go.

- Follow me.

My man! What's happening?

Any big winners?

You like anything in the sixth?

I'm getting buried here. How you doing?

Nothing?

Yeah, okay. You just save your winnings.

I'll see you later.

Let me see your driver's license, kid.

Sports Tie, next time put some booze in it.

Trainer Ralph Cripes,

please report to the jockey's room.

You know that guy with the mustache?

The big guy who was just standing here?

- The guy talking about watery drinks?

- Yeah, you know him?

- He's a creep.

- Yeah? Get me a beer, will you?

Ladies and gentlemen,

in the ninth race, a jockey change.

Number Three, Fearless Fred,

will be ridden by jockey Rick Carey.

Light Touch, where's my drink?

I left a drink here. Where is it?

All right, forget it.

Give me straight Scotch. Straight.

You can't fool around with that.

Take them home again, mama.

Thank you, sir.

That'll be $1, sir.

And you got it. There's $1 for you, my man.

Thank you.

- A friend of yours?

- My cousin.

Watch where you're going,

you little bastard.

Stupid little bum.

Handsome, I must talk to you.

Oh, my God!

What a punch.

Stupid clown.

It's the greatest punch

I've ever been hit with.

You busted it clean, right?

Oh, beautiful, man.

You blow my mind. Kick me in the nuts...

you break my nose, rob my money.

You gotta be kidding.

Get out of my way or I'm gonna kill you.

Where're you going?

I mean, I wouldn't lie to you, that is...

Get the hell out of here!

It wasn't as good as yours,

but I'll live with it.

Enough, man. That's enough.

No. You're a man

who knows that ain't enough.

Do you wanna level your own goods?

Nose, ribs, cash.

I ain't such a funny man.

Looks like I hit me a round robin.

You creep...

you stick a little toilet paper in your nose,

it stops the bleeding.

You better call an ambulance.

The man lost the last race.

He tried to kill himself. Lunatic.

$1,800.

$1,123.

You have $1,800. Okay, here's $1,100,

you put in $1,100 and then we're partners.

We're definitely partners.

I mean, we're total partners.

I'm putting in $1,800, you're putting in 1,100

'cause I'm not going to lose.

I'm gonna win. That's the last time

you've heard the word "lose."

Exactly. The door opened the other way

and hit me right on the nose.

It's an omen.

The snow is an omen

and the toilet door is an omen.

Absolutely.

Hello, Reno. Sun's coming out.

This rain could have been snow, William.

Very good vibes.

- Good sign.

- Yeah. Feels good.

Red carpets on the street, right?

Men in orange suits.

Where else but in the USA, right?

But we got to stop off here

and play a little slot machines.

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