Calvary Page #6

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(CONTINUED)

32.

CONTINUED:

42 42

FIONA:

I suppose I should.

A further silence between them.

LEARY (O.S.)

Enjoying yourselves?!

*

LAVELLE and FIONA look up to see FATHER LEARY looking down

on them from the nearby bridge, smoking a cigarette.

*

LAVELLE:

We are indeed!

Lovely day!

LEARY *

LAVELLE:

It is indeed!

LEARY:

(esoterically)

Stamps!

*

He looks at them a moment longer, then disappears over the

bridge.

FIONA:

That’s the future of the priesthood. *

LAVELLE looks at her. They laugh.

43

INT. CHURCH - DAY 43

LAVELLE is distributing hymnals to all the pews. Suddenly

he senses something, looks round -MILO

HERLIHY is standing there, having materialised

seemingly out of nowhere.

Milo.

LAVELLE:

HERLIHY:

I need to speak to you, Father.

LAVELLE:

Take a pew. Literally.

HIGH-ANGLE SHOT -- They sit in separate pews. A large

wooden cross looms above them.

HERLIHY:

Why do people kill themselves,

Father?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

LAVELLE:

Why do people kill themselves.

That’s jumping in at the deep

end. Lots of reasons, I suppose.

Why do you think yourself?

HERLIHY:

I dunno. The drink. Depression.

Lack of sex, maybe.

LAVELLE:

You’re a presentable young man.

I wouldn’t have thought you’d have

too much trouble in that area.

HERLIHY:

I don’t have the gift of the gab.

Never had it.

LAVELLE:

And it’s making you feel suicidal?

HERLIHY:

More bored than anything else.

It’s either committing suicide or

joining the Army.

LAVELLE:

Those are pretty drastic choices,

either way.

HERLIHY:

You can learn a trade if you join

the Army.

LAVELLE:

You can learn a trade if you don’t

join the Army.

HERLIHY:

You can experience more of life.

LAVELLE:

You think you can become a more

authentic person by fighting in a

war? By killing people?

HERLIHY:

You’re against me joining the Army,

is what I’m sensing.

LAVELLE:

Let’s put it this way, I’ve always

felt there was something inherently

psychopathic about someone who joins

the Army in peacetime. As far as

I’m concerned, people join the Army

because they want to find out what

(MORE)

33.

(CONTINUED)

34.

43 CONTINUED:
43

it’s like to kill someone. I don’t

think that is an inclination that

should be encouraged in modern

society, do you?

LAVELLE (CONT'D)

HERLIHY shrugs, non-committal.

LAVELLE:

Jesus Christ didn’t think so either.

And the commandment “Thou Shalt Not

Kill” does not have an asterisk beside

it, referring you to the bottom of

the page, where there’s a list of

instances where it is okay to kill

people.

*

*

*

*

HERLIHY:

What about self-defence?

LAVELLE:

(after a pause)

Well that’s a tricky one, alright.

But we’re hardly being invaded, now,

are we?

HERLIHY:

The War on Terror has no borders.

LAVELLE:

I don’t think Sligo is too high on

al-Qaida’s agenda, Milo, do you?

HERLIHY:

Who knows what goes on in the Muslim

mind?

(pause)

I have had murderous feelings, though,

I have to admit. Not getting laid.

It’s starting to make me feel really

angry towards women. And so I thought,

well, if I joined the Army, those

inclinations as you call them would

be seen as a plus. On your application,

like. I mean, they don’t come right

out and say that’s what they’re

looking for, in the advertisements,

it’s all about seeing the world and

all that shite, but I would assume

that wanting to murder someone would

be like having a degree in engineering

or something, y’know? It would outweigh

my lack of qualifications.

LAVELLE:

Right.

(pause)

Do you use pornography at all?

I’m assuming-(

CONTINUED)

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43 CONTINUED:
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HERLIHY:

Ah, I feel I’ve exhausted all the

possibilities of pornography.

All of them?

LAVELLE:

HERLIHY:

Well nearly all of them. I’m onto

transsexual pornography at the

moment.

LAVELLE looks blankly at him.

HERLIHY:

Chicks with d*cks, y’know?

LAVELLE looks blankly at him.

44

EXT. CHURCH - DAY 44

CLOSE on HERLIHY and LAVELLE. HERLIHY putting on goggles.

LAVELLE:

Maybe there’s a simpler solution.

Leave home and go somewhere your

chances of meeting available young

women with loose morals are

increased proportionately.

*

HERLIHY:

Sligo Town, you mean?

LAVELLE:

No. I was thinking more Dublin,

London, New York--

HERLIHY:

New York? I’d only end up getting

the Aids. Knowing my luck.

PULL BACK to reveal HERLIHY is astride a motorbike.

HERLIHY:

Thanks for taking the time to talk

to me, Father. I can’t say it’s

been of much help, but it’s good

to get these things out in the open,

I suppose.

He zooms off down the hill.

45

OMITTED 45

*

(CONTINUED)

36.

CONTINUED:

45 45

*

EXT. MANSION - DAY

46

46

A bright blue sky.

FITZGERALD (O.S.)

Pull!

Two fluorescent orange targets appear in the sky and are

summarily shot to pieces -

FITZGERALD, in a corduroy three-piece suit and a red cap,

standing next to a voice-activated clay pigeon trap,

ejects the shells from his shotgun and quickly reloads.

FITZGERALD:

Pull!

Two more targets are launched --

FITZGERALD hits both. Ejects the shells. Pauses in the act

of reloading -

(CONTINUED)

37.

46 CONTINUED:
46

FITZGERALD’s POV -- LAVELLE is standing on the crest of

the path leading up to the mansion.

FITZGERALD clicks shut the shotgun.

47

INT. MANSION - DAY 47

FITZGERALD fixes himself a large whiskey.

FITZGERALD:

They’ve all left me, you know.

That’s why the place is so empty.

Like a tomb.

LAVELLE is wandering about the opulently furnished and

decorated room, examining various objets d’art, a glass of

sparkling water in his hand.

LAVELLE:

Who’s left you?

FITZGERALD:

The wife. The kids. Even Consuela,

and she’s from Ecuador. You’d think

she wouldn’t have a lot of options,

but apparently not.

LAVELLE:

Well I’m sorry to hear that.

FITZGERALD shrugs, takes a swallow of his drink.

LAVELLE:

You mentioned a financial proposition?

FITZGERALD:

I want to make amends. Do penance

for past sins. Although I suppose

all sins are past, aren’t they, or

they wouldn’t be sins, they’d just

be evil thoughts floating around

in your mind. Why do you wear the

auld soutane, by the way? Trying

to make a statement or something?

LAVELLE looks blankly at him. Sips his water.

FITZGERALD smirks. Shoots back a cuff to reveal a gold Tag

Heuer watch at his wrist.

FITZGERALD:

This watch, now. This watch is

making a statement. It’s a Tag Heuer.

Really expensive.

(CONTINUED)

38.

47 CONTINUED:
47

LAVELLE:

Are you going to get to the point,

Mr Fitzgerald, or are you just going

to ramble on-

FITZGERALD:

Let me ask you something. What do

you see when you look at me?

LAVELLE looks blankly at him.

FITZGERALD:

I’ll tell you what you see. You see

a handsome, sophisticated, eminent

man in the prime of his life.

A Colossus, let’s say. A Colossus

who once bestrode the world of

high finance and became profoundly

influential in certain spheres,

not to say inordinately wealthy,

not to say sickeningly wealthy,

let’s face it.

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