Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie Page #2

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is no longer with us.

He's dead?

What? No. Not like that.

He wanted to spend Saturday

with his family.

So I fired him.

I'll find a replacement

next week.

Ahem! Anyway.'-

on to Melvin Sneedly

with the first of his 16...

Actually, it's 17.

17 inventions.

Take it away, Melvin.

I will now demonstrate

a prototype which I call...

the Robotic Sock Matcher.

Never waste time matching

your own socks again.

The Electromagnetic

Lint Collector.

Digital Paper Sorter.

It's the homework...

Automatic cushion.

Make it end!

And the personal favorite,

the binder binder.

Having trouble

organizing your binders?

Well, look no further

than this giant binder...

for binders.

Three-hole punch...

This is the stuff of nightmares.

We have to do

something about this.

I don't know. Krupp looks

serious this time, George.

Maybe we should

just lay low for a while.

Lay low?

Look at our fellow children.

Look upon their sad,

miserable, pathetic faces.

Come on, Harold.

If you won't do it for me

and you won't do it for you...

do it for future generations.

Save the first graders...

the kindygarteners,

the unborn...

from a life of eternal boredom!

Okay, let's do this.

Feast your eyes on this.

The Turbo Toilet 20001.!

Check it out, people.

It's already programmed with

my persona! potty playlist.

Screwdriver.

Oh, samba!

Once you're done

using the facilities...

hit the button

and let my toilet wash itself.

Now included, automatic

toilet paper wiping claw.

Trademark.

Um...

I said no!

Huh? Oh...

Melvin, turn that thing off.

I'm trying to,

but it's not cooperating.

Best.

Prank.

Ever.

Well, that brings our story

to its happy conclusion.

I hope you've all

enjoyed the film.

It was certainly shorter

than we expected.

What more is there to say?

Our fellow students got

to enjoy their weekend.

Which, by the way,

they are legally entitled to.

And good triumphed over evil

once and for...

Oh, boys! A moment, please.

What's happening to his face?

I think he's smiling.

I'm so cold.

So, so cold.

I'll let myself in,

receptionist lady.

Melvin.

What's he doing here?

You see, Melvin

is yet to demonstrate...

his most impressive invention

from today.

It was a little

extracurricular project

I asked him

to come up with myself.

I call him

the Tattle Turtle 200.

On the outside,

it resembles a turtle.

But on the inside,

oh, look at this.

It's a nanny cam!

Oh, Melvin. How fun.

Let's see what it recorded.

Yeah, you gotta change

the input to video.

I think I got this.

You're on AUX.

Change it to video.

It's not my TV.

It's your turtle.

You're doing it wrong.

I know.

I think I know

how to do my office.

Screwdriver.

Is this two-ply or one-WI?

We're so guilty.

Quiet fives. Quiet fives.

Wow, that nanny cam

really has good picture quality.

Was that hi-def?

'Cause you could

really tell that's us.

I can't believe it.

I gotcha.

I finally gotcha!

We've finally got them, sir.

Yes, yes. Well done, Melvin.

Extra credit granted.

Put that in my pocket.

Extra credit, it feels so good!

I go! extra credit

I told you

I would get you one day.

And that day I was talking about

is this day.

Today. This is the day.

Are you going to tell

our parents?

No. Your parents are obviously

total failures.

I have a much more effective

punishment in mind.

Because I'm going to have

you two placed in separate...

classes.

I'm going to annihilate

your friendship.

What? No!

You see?

You won't be together.

You won't be able to enjoy

each other's company

and ruin my life.

Mr. Krupp, no.

You can't do this. Please.

This is too much.

I mean, even for you.

Enjoy the rest

of your weekend, boys.

Because come Monday...

Separate classes.

Our friendship's over.

I'll never see you again

in my life!

Hey, hey. Calm down.

It's not the end of the world.

We'll still be best friends.

Just way down the hall

from each other.

What am I talking about?

This is bad.

Long distance relationships

never work!

This is just the beginning.

Imagine the future.

Friends separated...

promising each other

they'll remain besties.

But within months,

we'll be awkwardly bumping

into each other at the mall.

Hey, George.

Hey. Do I know you?

You'll have a weird haircut.

I'll be wearing

a suit for some reason.

And before we know it,

separate classes

will lead to separate lives...

which inevitably

leads to robots.

What? Why are there robots

at the mall?

Because this is the future!

The future always has robots.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Why are the robots

shooting other robots?

Aren't they

supposed to be friends?

I don't know!

I'm the artist,

you're the writer.

That's why we need each other.

Help! Fire!

Okay, you're right.

No, you are right.

I mean, if we get put

in separate classes,

it's the end of the world

as we know it.

What are we gonna do?

Oh, I'll tell you

what we're gonna do.

First thing Monday morning,

we're getting that turtle.

Edith!

Oh, is this a bad time?

I did not mean to interrupt

the copying process.

I'll go.

Yes, go! Please go.

No, no. I'm just finishing up.

What brings you around here?

I just made

this tuna casserole...

and I noticed

it had your name on it...

In jalapeo peppers.

Mmm...

It smells spicy.

Yep. Mmm-hmm.

That's 'cause it's been

dry-aged for a week.

I don't know what that means,

but it sounds

very time-consuming.

It took a week.

Eww. They like each other.

Oh, no, George.

I think it's much worse.

They like-like each other.

What are you talking about?

Adults don't

like-like other adults.

Well, you probably haven't

seen it at your home

since your parents are married.

In my studies, like-liking

seems to end with marriage.

Well, I should probably gel

back to running the school.

You know,

it's not gonna run itself.

But...

Oh, Edith. Get your head

out of the clouds.

Wait, Edith! You never gave me

the tuna casserole.

I think he forgot the turtle.

Go, go, go-

That's important.

Great. What now?

Hello.

If you would like the chance

to win one billion dollars...

Ooh.

Please hold for

one of our representatives.

It's gotta be in here somewhere.

Ugh.

Whoa!

What?

Everything Krupp

ever confiscated from us.

Look at all that stuff.

Oh, dear old whoopee cushion.

You will sing once again.

Oh, my

Super Duper Soaking Machine!

MY hypno-ring!

I never even got to take it

out of the wrapper.

Wow.

Look at this.

He's got every issue

of Captain Underpants

we've ever created.

You think he reads them?

I was kinda hoping

that we appealed

to a slightly

cooler demographic.

Well, if it isn't George Beard

and Harold Hutchins.

To what do I owe the pleasure?

Is it perhaps this?

Oh, no.

Nice try.

Turtle and I have grown

quite attached.

We're inseparable, actually.

I carry him wherever I go.

Including the shower!

Oh.

Poor 'name.

Oh, what's this?

Why, it's the paperwork

to separate you two.

It's really incredible.

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