Carnage Page #2

WALTER (O.S. - TEL)

So what do we do? Do we respond right

away?

ALAN:

No, my problem is the A.S.M. You

have an Annual Stockholders

Meeting in two weeks. Did you

schedule a contingency for

litigation?

WALTER (O.S. - TEL)

I’m not sure, I’ll have to check.

ALAN:

OK. And Walter, Walter. Talk to PR

and find out if it was picked up

anywhere else.

WALTER (O.S. - TEL)

Right, right.

7.

ALAN:

And call me back.

(hangs up:
)

Sorry.

MICHAEL:

So you're like a...

ALAN:

An attorney.

NANCY:

And yourself?

MICHAEL:

Houseware supply. Penelope is a

writer and she works part time in a

bookstore, mostly art books and

history books.

NANCY:

A writer?

PENELOPE:

I co-wrote a volume about Sabean

civilization, working from artifacts

recovered when they resumed digs

after the Ethiopia-Eritrea conflict.

And now I have a book coming out in

January about the Darfur tragedy.

NANCY:

So you specialize in Africa.

PENELOPE:

I'm interested in that part of the

world.

NANCY:

Do you have any other children?

PENELOPE:

One daughter. Courtney is nine.

She's very angry at her father right

now. He got rid of the hamster last

night.

NANCY:

You got rid of the hamster?

MICHAEL:

Yeah. Made such a racket at night.

Those things sleep during the day.

Ethan was going crazy. He couldn’t

stand the racket that hamster made.

Now, I don't mind telling you, I been

wanting to get rid of the thing for

the longest time.

(MORE)

8.

MICHAEL (CONT'D)

So I thought, that's it. I took it

out and left it in the street.

NANCY:

You left it in the street?

MICHAEL:

I figured it was a gutter-sewer kind

of animal, but no. It was scared out

of its wits, out there, on that

sidewalk. Truth is, they're not pets

and they're not wild. I don't know

where they belong. Drop them in aclearing in the woods, they're still

not happy. I mean where are you

supposed to put them?

NANCY:

You just left him outside?

PENELOPE:

He did, and then he tried to convince

Courtney that the hamster ran away.

Which, of course, she wasn't buying.

ALAN:

And this morning the hamster was

gone?

MICHAEL:

Gone.

PENELOPE:

And you? What kind of work do you do?

NANCY:

I'm an investment broker.

PENELOPE:

Would it be possible -- and I’m just

going to come out and ask you

directly -- could Zachary apologize

to Ethan?

ALAN:

It would be good if they talked.

NANCY:

He's got to apologize, Alan. He has

to actually say he's sorry.

ALAN:

Yeah, I mean sure, probably.

PENELOPE:

Well is he sorry?

9.

ALAN:

He knows what he did. He didn't

realize how serious it was. He's

eleven years old.

PENELOPE:

Eleven is not a baby.

MICHAEL:

It's not an adult either. We didn't

ask you, you want some coffee or tea?

Is there any cobbler left, Penny? She

makes a mean cobbler!

ALAN:

You got espresso?

MICHAEL:

Yeah.

ALAN:

(checking his watch)

I wouldn’t mind a cup.

NANCY:

A glass of water.

MICHAEL:

(to PENELOPE:
)

Espresso for me too, babe. And bring

the cobbler.

PENELOPE leaves the room. After a short beat:

MICHAEL (CONT'D)

You got to taste this cobbler.

MICHAEL suddenly rises, follows PENELOPE out.

4 INT. KITCHEN - DAY 4

In the LONGSTREET kitchen, PENELOPE is busy at the espresso

machine. MICHAEL enters.

MICHAEL:

Where’s the cobbler?

They look around the room. Then PENELOPE opens the

refrigerator and takes a cake dish out.

PENELOPE:

She put the cobbler in the fridge

again! I don’t know what language I

should speak to her in.

MICHAEL takes out some plates and spoons.

10.

MICHAEL:

They’re nice, right?

PENELOPE:

Do you need to tell everyone I’m a

writer?

MICHAEL sets out a tray, including the cobbler.

MICHAEL:

You are a writer. You wrote a book.

5 INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY 5

In the living room, the COWAN’s have changed positions:

NANCY is sitting in another seat, as if she had gotten up to

look at something in the meantime. ALAN is now seated as

well.

NANCY:

A very nice couple, admit it.

ALAN:

Very.

MICHAEL comes back with the tray.

MICHAEL:

A good cobbler isn’t easy to make.

NANCY:

True.

MICHAEL sets the tray on the coffee table. During the

following dialog, he carves out portions on the plates and

hands them to his guests.

ALAN:

What do you sell?

MICHAEL:

Decorative hardware. Door locks,

handles, copper fittings. And kitchen

equipment, pots and pans...

ALAN:

That a good living?

MICHAEL:

You know, it's not like we had any

banner years or anything. It was

tough starting out. But long as I'm

out there every morning, with my

catalog and my sample case, it's a

living. Although the cast iron

roasting pans do pick up around the

holidays!

11.

ALAN:

Yeah.

Beat.

NANCY:

When you saw the hamster was

terrified, why didn't you bring it

home?

MICHAEL:

Cause I don't touch them.

NANCY:

You put it on the sidewalk.

PENELOPE returns with the coffee.

MICHAEL:

It was in the cage. I flipped it

over. No way I'm touching those

things.

PENELOPE:

(to ALAN:
)

Sugar?

ALAN:

No, no sugar. What kind of cobbler

you make?

PENELOPE:

Apple and pear.

NANCY:

Apple and pear?

PENELOPE:

Yeah, it’s my own little recipe.

(giggles:
)

It's too cold. Shame.

NANCY:

Apple and pear, that's new to me.

PENELOPE:

Apple and pear is a classic. But

there’s a trick to it.

NANCY:

Really?

PENELOPE:

You have to cut the pear thicker than

the apple, because the pear cooks

faster.

12.

NANCY:

Oh, right.

MICHAEL:

She's not telling you the real

secret.

PENELOPE:

Let them taste it.

ALAN:

Very good. Very good.

NANCY:

Delicious.

PENELOPE:

Gingerbread crumbs!

NANCY:

Oh my God.

PENELOPE:

It's sort of a souped-up Betty

Crocker recipe. To be honest, I got

the idea from his mother.

ALAN:

Gingerbread, fantastic. At least we

get a new recipe out of this, huh?

PENELOPE:

I wish my son didn't have to lose two

teeth in the process.

ALAN:

Yeah, of course, that's what I meant.

NANCY:

You have a novel way of expressing

it.

ALAN:

No, hey. I....

His cell vibrates - he checks the display.

ALAN (CONT'D)

I have to take this...

(on phone:
)

Yes, Walter.

WALTER (O.S. - TEL)

Here’s my question: Can we do a

letter-to-the-editor?

13.

ALAN:

No. No letters to the editor.

You'll just fan the flames.

WALTER (O.S. - TEL)

We can't just turn a blind eye to

this!

ALAN:

Was it scheduled?

WALTER (O.S. - TEL)

Well, no.

ALAN:

Uh-huh.

WALTER (O.S. - TEL)

We decided to let it go.

ALAN:

What are these disorders anyway?

What's ataxia?

WALTER (O.S. - TEL)

Lack of balance, unsteady or jerky

gait. But that’s if you take the

whole bottle!

ALAN:

And in normal doses?

WALTER (O.S. - TEL)

Normal doses? Rarely.

ALAN:

How long have you known this?

WALTER (O.S. - TEL)

Two years. Two and a half years.

ALAN:

And in all that time you haven't

recalled it?

WALTER (O.S. - TEL)

You’re joking, right? Might as well

file for Chapter 13.

ALAN:

What are we talking about in

revenues?

WALTER (O.S. - TEL)

Somewhere around half a billion

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