Carry on Regardless

We'll have to bung the advert in

again, Miss Cooling.

I can't understand it, Mr Handy.

Not a single reply.

We're supposed to open today.

We'll just have to postpone.

With an enterprise like this,

you need people with know-how...

..who'll do anything for anybody -

that's the whole idea.

Never mind, Mr Handy,

I'm sure you'll get stuffed.

Eh? Oh, staffed.

Morning. Eh?

I'm saying good morning.

Morning.

Nothing interesting?

If there was, I'd be after it.

Are you after a job, Mr Twist?

Why not, Mr Infield-Hopping?

I'm not a fixture in this place.

It wasn't built around me.

A Ministry of Labour clerk

can get bored of his job.

Watcha. What have you got today?

Nothing, Mr Weston. It's not worth

my friend's petrol to bring me here.

A- ha! Bonjour. Guten tag.

Buongiorno. Shalom aleichem.

Just demonstrating four of

the 16 languages I speak fluently.

There must be a worthwhile

appointment for me today.

Please say there is.

Mr Courtenay...

Yes?

..there isn't.

Do you mind?

Do you mind?

Oh, charming.

You're in a nice mood.

Sorry, but I'm fed up.

So am I.

I need an interesting job.

Me, too.

There are no exciting jobs for women

You're right. It's a man's world.

Someone should do

something about it.

I agree. Come on.

No, we can't...

You can't come in 'ere.

Why not? I can do a man's job.

Me, too.

What have you got?

Nothing.

Hello, isn't it a lovely morning?

Anything on the cards?

Nothing.

I've never seen him move so fast.

He was reading the paper.

That can only mean...

A job. A fascinating job.

Just a moment...

Yeah, so fascinating

it's not been noted here.

Sam Twist is the name.

Francis Courtenay at your service.

Mike Weston. That's me.

Delia King, Miss.

Dimple. Gaby Dimple.

Lily Duveen, that's me.

Montgomery Infield-Hopping.

Seven - my lucky number.

You're all hired.

Come in. Good morning.

Who's responsibulb here?

Eh?

You're Mr Haydn?

How do you do?

Yes.

I own this grady far and hadn't had

the chance to do the first meeting.

Oh, yes.

No, you don't understand my meal.

Certainly, sir. What's the job?

There's no job. You don't seem

to understand the twenty fido.

Just give all the details

of the assignment to Miss Cooling.

There's no assignment

shall she attain the ten see.

I've come from this monthly grill

to meet you...

..and I take it you're he.

We do undertake anything, yes.

Tell Miss Cooling about it.

This is most provoc encouragemold.

I've come as the milk and the human

kindly and come to give it to you...

..flollop me off on your secretrial.

Charmish, but that's not the poil.

I don't think that's too tough,

do you, Miss Cooling?

No. No.

You've got a note of it, then?

No.

I should think not.

I didn't utter a worm.

The age of courtesy and couragemold

is finish, I feel.

If you want me to conveil

my solicitole, I'll serve a writ.

I can be as cold as the next.

And crystal cleal. Good morny.

Oh, sorry. Was that a job?

What did he want?

New set of teeth. This kind of

organisation gets swamped with nuts.

And customers, I hope.

But not, at the moment, for you.

Girls?

Dead right. How would you like

to try on a lady's wardrobe?

Would I?

Get cracking, then.

I suppose she won on points.

A lovely idea - an anniversary gift

for your wife. Feels so good.

Yes. Doesn't look bad, either.

A perfect fit. Thank you, Miss King.

Can't wait to try on the others.

Perfect! A perfect fit!

Thank you very much.

It's been a pleasure. What a

marvellous surprise for Mrs Belling.

Would you like a coffee?

Oh, thank you.

Perfect!

Are you dressed?

Does it look like it?

My wife's getting out of a taxi.

I thought she was away today.

So did I.

She'll get her surprise early.

She'll get one I didn't plan.

What's that?

You.

Oh, me!

Quick, hide. Not in there!

You haven't got time to get out.

I'm not dressed for the street.

Precisely.

Can we not explain?

Helen. What are you doing here?

I missed the train.

It's not worth going now.

What's this? I know I'm absent-minded,

but I'd remember ordering all this.

Did I?

No, I did. I wanted you to see them

and wear some on our anniversary.

Oh, darling!

It's the most staggering gift.

Supppose they don't fit?

I've seen to that.

How?

Does it matter?

Poor darling husband, all nervy

because I've spoilt his surprise.

Never mind. Stay here

and I'll make you a coffee.

It is... HELEN! What are you doing?

I'm putting my coat away.

You shouldn't have taken it off.

Why not?

Because... the heating's given out.

Darling, are you all right?

Yes, perfectly.

You need something stronger.

Give me that coat.

That's no way to treat clothes.

That old thing?

I bought it two months ago.

It's not worth hanging up.

Helen, please, don't open...

I'll let you have the

estimate for the new clothes rail.

Morning, ma'am.

He came to try on your clothes,

but there's nothing between us...

..because he's really

a very nice girl.

Sam, relax.

I'll relax when I get an assignment.

Everyone else is out and about.

They're on routine jobs.

I bet fate has got

something exciting in store for you.

It'll be the first time.

Helping Hands? Yes, with pleasure.

Immediately? Yes.

Right, got it. Thank you.

What did I tell you?

No? Something exciting?

Baby-sitting.

Good evening.

I'm from Helping... Hands.

Hello. Come in, do.

Is this the right place? I mean...

Yes, this is the right place.

Erm... P-P-Panting?

No, that's the way I always breathe.

And your name?

Twist, madam. Sam Twist.

Do sit down.

Yes, well, er... where's the baby?

Oh, look.

Oh, delightful.

And so like you, too.

Well, I don't wish to delay you...

..so just show me where the baby is.

Oh, come here and relax, Mr Twist.

Relax? No, thank you, madam,

not while I'm on duty.

Well, madam, where is the baby?

I haven't got a baby.

That's my niece.

Oh.

Sit down.

Er, no, no.

Mr Twist,

don't make it difficult for me.

You're making it difficult for me,

madam.

I'll explain, Mr Twist.

You see, I have deceived you.

I don't really need a baby-sitter.

In that case, I'll just be going...

But I do need a man.

Mrs Panting!

You will help me, won't you?

It depends what you want.

You.

Why me? Ahem. Why me?

It could be any man, but I want

to keep it on a professional basis.

I must have a man by eight o'clock.

Well, we only supply helping hands.

Why eight o'clock?

That's when he gets home.

Oh, I see, yes, does he?

Who?

Mr Panting.

My husband!

Oh, madam.

He neglects me.

I find that difficult to believe.

He ignores me.

It's impossible.

He takes me for granted.

Surely not.

I know he loves me,

but I want him to show it more.

Ask him to...

Have a little chat with him.

It's no good, I've tried.

No, he needs a lesson.

So do I. I mean, that he does, yes.

I've got to make him jealous.

That's the ticket.

He must find me with a man.

You're so right. At eight o'clock.

On the dot.

Now do you understand?

Yes, Mrs Panting, I... NO! No, no.

Please, it's nearly eight o'clock.

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