Cashback Page #2

of dealing with

the trade of their time.

look. look.

theirs is an art to finding anything to do that isn't work.

a few days later,

barry and matt were reported

for what they called

"helping the ladies. "

it was these shampoo bottles

that sent them on their quest.

barry and matt knew

what they looked like.

and they knew that the women in the supermarket knew what they looked like.

their theory was that even

though it was a sex toy

masquerading as

a bottle of shampoo,

women would like

to try it as a sex toy

but were embarrassed to buy it because they knew what it looked like.

the decision to buy it would be an easier one if they were already at the checkout.

if they didn't object,

then barry and matt knew

they'd helped a bottle

find a happy home.

barry had challenged matt

to a scooter race

in which they would sprint

down one aisle and up the next.

they would do all 14 aisles, and then back to the starting line.

they had been waiting for the day the manager called in sick.

the art of doing something else other than the work you're supposed to do, is addictive.

the excitement of doing something that you shouldn't be doing,

along with the consequences

if you're caught doing it,

are so strong that it often pulls others away from their own art.

on your marks,

get set, go!

we got winded!

i hadn't slept in two weeks.

my breakup with suzy had left me with a sense that time had become unhinged.

i drifted between

imagination and reality,

between past and present

with increasing ease.

i feel like a real man.

you like men.

you like real men,

don't you?

when i'm out there

in the kit,

on the pitch

with the boys,

i look like a god,

i'm an adonis.

i keep myself

in good shape.

i see the looks.

i ignore them.

i feel the bolts of time slowly

coming away from the breakup.

time manipulation

is not a precise science.

like any art,

it's personal to the individual.

so what is the art in making

my shift go so fast?

i imagine the opposite.

that time is frozen.

i imagine the remote control

for life has been paused.

within this frozen world, i'm able to walk freely and unnoticed.

nobody would even know

that time had stopped.

and when it started

back up again,

the invisible join would be seamless except for a slight shudder.

not unlike the feeling of somebody walking over your grave.

that moment when you see someone

walking down the street

who is so beautiful

you just can't help but stare...

well, imagine as i do,

that with the world on pause

it becomes very easy to understand the concept of beauty.

to have it frozen

in front of you.

captured.

unaware.

for me, this fascination with beauty started at a very young age.

i was six or seven, and my mom and dad had taken on a foreign student.

she was in her late teens,

and was studying english

at a nearby school.

being swedish, the walk from the shower to her room didn't need to be a modest one.

it was at that moment that something very profound happened to me.

i was exposed to the female form in a way i had never experienced.

i felt fascination and wonder

at the beauty of her nakedness.

and i wanted to freeze the world so that i could live in that moment for a week.

i have never had a feeling

of such completeness.

to this day i still think it was one of the most beautiful things i have ever seen.

you dropped these.

and would it be wrong?

would they hate me

for seeing them?

i mean, really seeing them?

i read once about a woman whose secret fantasy was to have an affair with an artist.

she thought that he

would really see her.

he would see every curve,

every line,

every indentation,

and love them because they were part of the beauty that made her unique.

and when i'm ready, all i have to do to start time again

is crack my fingers.

you look like sh*t.

cheers.

- still not sleeping?

- no.

- feeling any better about suzy? - no.

- wanna talk about it?

- no.

no? why?

because every morning

you come by,

and every morning i talk

about the same thing.

and i'm bored of saying the same thing, and i'm bored of feeling sh*t about it.

and most of all i'm bored of

being awake 24 hours a day.

eew! look who didn't get out of bed on the wrong side this morning.

very funny.

but seriously, you're gonna feel like sh*t. it's gonna take time.

for instance, how long ago

did you think about her

before we started having

this conversation?

about ten minutes before

you knocked on the door.

oh, yeah.

and what was the thought?

i thought about the dust.

the dust?

god, you're weird!

anyway, whatever. my point is, every day you think about her

and the things that you associate with her less and less.

before long, you'll go a whole day without thinking about her.

you know what might help

speed up the process?

what?

me and sean had been friends

since we were five.

we lived across the street from one another, and grew up together.

for his 12th birthday,

sean's mom and dad

had bought him

a state-of the-art computer.

oh, mom!

come on, boys, it's a nice day.

why don't you play in the park?

no. we're okay

playing this.

okay, i'm off shopping. you be all right by yourselves?

yes, mom. bye, mom.

bye, mrs. higgins.

i won't be long.

- wanna see something?

- what?

- what are they?

- girls with no clothes on.

sean had found the magazines under his mom and dad's bed.

the swedish student was one thing, but this was something completely different.

the smiles on the girls' faces

and the total lack of shyness

about what they were showing the camera was so confusing for me.

i had never seen the female part

up close and in so much detail.

i guess i imagined

something neater,

like a smooth hole

drilled into a piece of wood.

the sort of hole where

you might place a wooden peg.

but the reality was much more

sexually aggressive.

it was hard to imagine

that my teacher, mrs. booth,

had one under her skirt

that looked just like it.

- mom!

forgot my purse.

hey, what have

you two been up to?

after that, sean's mom

always thought we were gay.

what will help speed up

the process?

you need to distract yourself

with a couple of natalies.

a natalie was a term that sean had coined for any sexual encounter

that happened with a girl you

weren't in a relationship with.

the term had come from a girl called natalie who lived across the street from sean.

- hello. is natalie in?

- yeah. natalie!

- yeah?

- it's for you.

you see, sean had

worked out the connection

between the smiling faces

of the girls in the magazines

and the fact that

they were naked.

fifty p.

that's it.

natalie became one of the most popular girls on the street.

croissants on special offer.

she had

massive tits.

very funny.

we were only

having a laugh.

who's that?

that's a new kid.

apparently he's

a martial arts expert.

hey, mate!

come here.

what's your name?

brian.

ben says you know

kung fu.

yeah.

- so you reckon you can have me?

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