Cast a Deadly Spell Page #2

A LARGE PHOTOGRAPH ALBUM,

BOUND IN LEATHER,

FINISHED IN GOLD.

- AND I WANT I RETURNED QUICKLY.

- HOW QUICKLY?

I WANT IT IN MY HANDS

BY THURSDAY.

I'M ATTENDING

A CONFERENCE:

AND THIS VOLUME:

IS THE KEY TO MY

PRESENTATION.

- THAT'S THE DAY

AFTER TOMORROW.

- NO LATER THAN MIDNIGHT.

A CONFERENCE:

THAT STARTS:

AT MIDNIGHT?

LOOK, IF YOU DON'T THINK

YOU'RE THE RIGHT MAN

FOR THE JOB--

NOW WHAT DOES:

THIS WILLIS LOOK LIKE?

THIN, 5'10"- 5'11",

SANDY HAIR.

- HOW OLD?

- NOT OLD, 26.

- DID HE LIVE HERE?

- NO.

MEADOWS CAN GIVE YOU

HIS ADDRESS,

HIS LANDLORD SAYS

HE HASN'T BEEN THERE

FOR DAYS.

WELL, IT'S

A PLACE TO START.

WHAT ARE YOU:

GONNA COST ME,

LOVECRAFT?

$40 A DAY, PLUS GAS

AND REASONABLE EXPENSES.

YOU CAN GET CHEAPER,

BUT YOU CAN'T GET BETTER.

AND IF YOU'RE LOOKING

FOR SOMEONE WITH AN EDGE,

THE PHONE BOOK IS FULL

OF DETECTIVES THAT USE

MAGIC AND WITCHCRAFT.

NO, NO, YOU ARE

THE MAN FOR THE JOB.

A RETAINER IS CUSTOMARY.

$100 WILL DO.

YOU PROBABLY:

SPEND MORE THAN THA ON GOLDFISH FOR YOUR SQUID.

IT IS NOT A SQUID.

TAKE THE RES OF THE AFTERNOON,

"JEEVES,"

I CAN FIND:

MY OWN WAY OUT.

( glass clinking )

MAY I OFFER YOU A DRINK,

MR. LOVECRAFT?

I LOOKED:

AT THE REGISTRATION

ON THE STEERING COLUMN

OF YOUR CAR.

- BRANDY?

- NO, IT'S

TOO EARLY FOR ME.

- THAT'S QUITE A TIE.

- OH, THANKS.

PUT UP MUCH OF A FIGHT?

NO, I SNUCK UP BEHIND IT.

NOW, WHAT DOES

MY DRIED-UP OLD

WALNUT OF A FATHER

WANT WITH A PRIVATE

DETECTIVE?

IT DOESN'T SAY

DETECTIVE ON MY:

REGISTRATION.

IT DOES:

ON THE BUSINESS CARDS

IN YOUR GLOVE COMPARTMENT.

YOU DIDN'T ROTATE MY TIRES

WHILE YOU WERE AT IT,

DID YOU?

MAYBE LATER.

WHAT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY?

DECEMBER 5,

SAME AS WALT DISNEY

AND MARTIN VAN BUREN.

SAGITTARIUS,

WITH 16 LETTERS

TO YOUR NAME...

NOT BAD.

NOT PERFECT,

BUT NOT BAD.

WHAT SIGN:

WAS LARRY WILLIS

BORN UNDER?

- GEMINI.

- TWINS.

MAYBE I OUGHT TO CHARGE

YOUR OLD MAN DOUBLE FOR

TAKING CARE OF HIM.

IS THAT WHY:

MY FATHER HIRED YOU,

TO DEFEND MY HONOR?

THIS IS GONNA BE

THE EASIEST MONEY

YOU EVER MADE.

YEAH? HOW COME?

NO, I DON'T THINK SO.

YOU WOULDN'T WANT ME

TO MAKE IT TOO EASY

FOR YOU, WOULD YOU?

YOU DON'T LOOK

LIKE THE KIND.

IF YOU WANT SOMETHING,

I BET YOU'D BE WILLING

TO WORK FOR IT.

WORK HARD,

REALLY CRACK A SWEAT,

KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

YOU BETTER TAKE:

THAT BLOUSE OFF.

OH, WHY?

WE CAN'T GE BLOODSTAINS LIKE THA ON IT IF THEY SET.

AFTER THE HUNT, I USUALLY

TAKE ALL MY CLOTHES OFF

AND BURN THEM.

YOU HAVE TO BE NAKED

FOR THE CEREMONY.

OH YEAH?

WHAT CEREMONY IS THAT?

IT SHOULD BE TO DIANA,

GODDESS OF THE HUNT.

- AH.

- WOULD YOU LIKE

TO WATCH?

THANKS, BUT I'M SUPPOSED

TO GET MY TEETH CLEANED

THIS AFTERNOON.

WELL, YOU'RE DIFFERENT,

LOVECRAFT, I GIVE YOU THAT.

YOU'RE SORT OF SOMETHING

DIFFERENT YOURSELF.

- AM I?

- MM-HMM.

ALL THAT SMOKE:

AND NOT A LICK OF FLAME

TO BACK IT UP.

WHAT MAKES YOU SAY THAT?

WELL, ONLY VIRGINS

CAN CATCH UNICORNS,

ISN'T THAT RIGHT?

JUST WHAT I THOUGHT.

( thunder rumbling )

THE RADIO SAID IT WAS

GOING TO BE CLEAR ALL DAY.

( sighs )

( children yelling )

( children chanting )

( engine sputtering )

GOD DARN, HERE WE GO.

SOUNDS LIKE:

THE CHOKE'S STUCK.

AIN'T EITHER

NO GODDARN CHOKE.

BUT I KNOW WHAT IT IS.

LITTLE BASTARDS.

AFTER WORLD WAR I,

THE ONLY THING:

WE BROUGHT BACK:

FROM FRANCE WAS THE CLAP.

THIS WAR, THEY GO OFF

TO THE PACIFIC:

AND BRING BACK:

THESE DAMN GREMLINS.

( all squeaking

and laughing )

( crying )

LITTLE BASTARDS:

GET INTO EVERYTHING.

- ( slams )

- ( gremlin sneezes )

YOU LIVE HERE?

I OWN IT AND RUN IT.

I USED TO RUN I WITH MY WIFE.

SHE DIED EIGHT YEARS AGO,

RUN OVER BY A PIE WAGON.

SOMEBODY LIVE HERE

BY THE NAME OF:

LARRY WILLIS?

THAT'S THE PAR WHERE I ASK WHO WANTS

TO KNOW.

OH, I DON'T CARE MUCH

FOR DANCING,

I GOT VEINS:

IN MY LEGS--

- WOULDN'T BE NO KIND

OF REWARD, WOULD THERE?

- NO REWARD.

THEN HE AIN'T HERE.

MOVED OUT THREE DAYS AGO.

PACKED UP AND LEFT.

CAN I LOOK IN HIS ROOM?

THIS IS A ROOMING HOUSE,

AIN'T A MUSEUM.

HOW ABOU YOU RENT IT TO ME

FOR SAY-- FIVE MINUTES?

EVER HAVE ANY VISITORS?

- EVERYBODY I KNOW IS DEAD.

- I MEANT WILLIS.

OH, NOT THAT I EVER SAW.

SUPPOSE HE HAD ANY

WHEN YOU WERE OUT?

I DON'T GO OUT.

( engine running )

NO LADIES?

I'D HAVE HEARD.

( squeaking and tearing )

( groaning and grunting )

HA, SON OF A B*TCH.

- ( grunting )

- ( squeaking and groaning )

- ( grunting and screaming )

- THAT'S IT!

- ( laughing )

- THAT'S IT, RIGHT THERE.

ENOUGH'S ENOUGH.

I HAVE GONE ALONG

WITH IT...

- INVADING

THE SANCTITY OF MY HOME...

- ( gremlin laughing )

THIS IS MY HOME,

MY CASTLE...

( angry muttering )

ELIMINATE THEM WITH A--

- ( rumbling and grunting )

- ( slamming )

ONE BY ONE, I'M GONNA

EXTERMINATE 'EM ALL.

- ( grunting and laughing )

- ( gremlin laughing )

( mocking laugh )

( rifle c*cks )

- ( gremlin screaming )

- ( loud bang )

( mumbling )

( laughing )

- ( taunting )

- ( flatulence )

( loud bang )

( faint squeaking )

LITTLE VARMINT.

I'M GONNA GET YOU

NOW, YOU--

KNOW ANYBODY:

BY THE NAME OF MICKEY?

- Landlord:
MICKEY MOUSE.

- ( gunshot )

AND I DON'T THINK

YOU'RE GONNA BE

ANY HELP.

( pulsing beat )

( music playing )

TAKE IT!

( band playing )

COME AND PARTY:

IN FANCY DIVES:

WHERE HIGH LIFE THRIVES

A JAZZY,

CAREFREE PLAYGROUND...

BOURBON. SHOW IT SOME WATER

BUT BE DISCREET.

LIKE AN ORCHID:

IN THE MOONLIGHT.

HIP PEOPLE LIKE US

IT'S PEOPLE LIKE US

THAT GO TO TOWN:

GO TO TOWN,

GO TO TOWN.

( applause )

Crooner:

ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU,

THANK YOU.

LARRY WILLIS:

BEEN IN TONIGHT?

- WHO?

- LARRY WILLIS.

DON'T KNOW THE GENT.

I THOUGH I HEARD HIM SAY

HE'S MEETING MICKEY HERE.

DON'T KNOW ANY MICKEY.

MAYBE YOU'VE GO THE WRONG JOINT.

YOU'RE SURE

YOU DON'T KNOW

LARRY WILLIS?

YOU'RE BARKING UP

THE WRONG BARTENDER, PAL.

I DON'T KNOW THE GEN - LIKE YOU SAID.

- M.C.:
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

HARRY BORDEN'S

DUNWICH ROOM IS:

PLEASED TO PRESEN THE SINGULAR SONG STYLING

OF THE ONE AND ONLY

MISS CONNIE STONE.

( applauses )

I'M SO EASY TO PLEASE.

SOMEONE HANDSOME

LIKE YOU:

COULD SUPPLY:

ALL THAT I NEED:

TO SATISFY ME:

BUTTERED CANDIES

WITH CREAM:

AND A KISS:

THAT GETS LOS IN ITS STEAM

WILL SATISFY:

IF ALL YOU CAN DO

IS STAND BY:

WHILE THIS GIRL'S LIPS

ARE LONELY:

YOU'RE NOT THE MAN

I DREAMED:

CHAMPAGNE MAGNUM

WHEN CHILLED:

BY THOSE BIG THINGS

I'M THRILLED

IF THEY'RE TASTY

A DEEP HEARTY SIGH

THESE SATISFY:

- THESE...

- ( thunder rumbles )

SATISFY.

( grunts )

YOU STILL KNOW:

HOW TO WRAP YOURSELF

AROUND A SONG.

- ( saxophone playing )

- PHIL!

BUY YOU A DRINK?

WHY NOT?

I'M DRINKING

BOURBON AND WATER.

- THE LADY WILL HAVE

A SCOTCH SOUR.

- YES, SIR.

SUPPOSE SOMEWHERE ALONG

THE LINE I'D CHANGED

MY DRINKING HABITS.

I'D HAVE ORDERED YOU

A SOUR ANYWAY,

JUST TO WATCH YOU

EAT THE FRUIT.

SWEET OLD PHIL.

SUBTLE AS A FLAGPOLE.

YOU STILL CLEANING

OTHER PEOPLE'S

DIRTY LAUNDRY?

NO, I'M A PRIVATE EYE NOW.

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