Castle Keep Page #5

- Anything else, sir?

- Yes. Make it back.

We'll have a reception for the German

tanks. They're brave sons of b*tches...

...and we should not allow their

heroic actions to go unsung.

- They should all have a cocktail.

- Cocktail?

- Cognac bottles filled with gasoline.

- Who will the damage pay?

- I will the damage pay.

- But you will away go.

Fine. We'll blow the caf.

We'll put it in the street.

That'll stop the Germans for a while.

Okay. I'll help. Venez, venez, girl.

The corporal will come back with

gasoline. Fill each bottle, then cork it.

Tie a wick around the neck

just like this.

Then get made up so the Germans

can see how beautiful you are.

Go up to the balcony, light this.

Drop it.

When it hits the tank,

the war will end.

No, Monsieur Major Honey.

The war, it will begin.

And the woman was arrayed

in scarlet colours...

...and decked in gold!

And then across her forehead

was written, " Mystery...

...Babylon the Great,

the Mother of Harlots!"

- You need help.

- We've come to save.

Come back to the castle,

there's protection.

Germans will shoot you,

you'll make lousy prisoners.

It's too late for that.

Did you think about that

while you sinned?

- I've got a job for you.

- Sorry, major.

You don't have to be sorry.

You're gonna do it.

- You threatening me?

- I'll blow your brains out...

...if you don't follow orders.

- What orders?

Those people are in shock,

they'll follow something.

A group, a noise.

That tambourine, a drum.

Now, sing something, play something.

Lead them to the castle.

I'll do it under protest.

I don't care how you do it,

you just do it.

- "Shall We Gather at the River"?

- That's fine.

Louder!

Yes, you're going up

the gangplank to home.

Your castle, your ship, has arrived!

There stands all that hope rising up

to infinity and all the beauty...

...all that love and hope and surcease!

It's all in the book,

all writ in the book!

And the end too.

Remember the ending?

That terrible ending?

That's all in the book!

I'll see you gentlemen at the castle.

Gentlemen, what are you doing?

We'd like some bread.

Bread?

Elk and I have a plan to end the war.

- What's that?

- Win it.

It's been tried before.

Winning is for children,

generals and recruits. Get over that.

Settle for a meal, for a drink, a lay,

a house. A castle for a horse.

We thought we'd bring the major

a German tank on our shield.

What are we, in the Middle Ages?

Is Major Falconer some knight

with a flower in his ass?

Sorry, reverend.

Cut it out, sergeant.

He's a soldier.

He looks like a buffalo.

But we can't let him try it alone.

No man alone.

None of us a goddamn island.

I know the bit.

Who's gonna take care of the bakery?

You're entitled to one day off

for the war, Rossi.

Don't you wanna end the war,

sergeant?

I tried it. When I landed in North Africa,

I was gonna win the war that day.

In Normandy it was gonna be

the next day, the next week.

At the Siegfried Line I figured,

" Maybe it'll take me a year."

When I saw it becoming centuries,

I came here and started a family...

...and a reasonable business.

End the war.

Game, Rossi?

How you gonna take a tank away

from the Germans? It's theirs.

Bazooka.

Aim for hitting a track.

They bounce off the armour.

- You game, Rossi?

- Yes, but I'm not crazy.

Screw the castle.

I've got a better idea.

My idea is that we stay here

and pass out bread to both sides.

We can't do that, Rossi,

it would upset the whole war.

Furthermore...

Furthermore...

...we had our idea first.

Are you ordering me

into a German tank?

No. Just give us some more bread.

Bread, bread, bread!

Bread is for people that wanna live.

No bread?

Then we'll count you out.

- Did you hear a scream?

- No.

Like a woman. Or an eagle.

Or a world coming to an end.

Everything I've never heard.

Nothing.

- I don't wanna be alone.

- Then we'll count you in?

Yeah. We'll shove the castle

up their ass.

Tell the major, the cowboy, that

knight... Tell the buffalo to deal me in.

Let's get a bazooka.

It was so quiet around here.

And business was so good.

You think she'll throw the cocktails?

There's been a lot of sentimental junk

wrote about whores.

But they're just plain defeated women.

Those defeated women

are serving cocktails.

He leadeth me beside the still waters.

And though I walk in the valley

of the shadow of death...

...I shall fear no evil,

for thou art with me.

- Are you finished with it?

- And surely...

...goodness and mercy shall follow me

all the days of my life.

Fire at the son of a b*tch!

I'll be back, Suzanna, baby,

honey-screw.

While I win the war,

you make the bread.

Save the cat.

Punch David.

- Why did they send us to this castle?

- Because we're...

We're soldiers who would

defend a meaningless castle.

We ought to check out

that second panther.

It's in church.

- I'm gonna make a run for that cellar.

- Okay.

When they start firing at me,

you fire at them.

Yes, sergeant.

- Then follow me.

- Okay.

Thank God we got rid of him.

We'll run this tank right up

Major Falconer's drawbridge.

What's so hard about operating a tank?

I used to run a tractor for years.

Why don't we take him

one of our abandoned tanks?

Theirs are better.

If we don't get out of this church,

we'll be dead of carbon monoxide.

If we get caught, can they shoot us

for wearing a German tank?

This holding action is over!

Pull back to the castle!

Red Queen!

You're the only Red Queen

in the world!

You are with them now.

They planned this war...

...because there was something

they hadn't yet smashed.

The enemy's neither side.

To them, the enemy's

something in between.

They don't want to destroy each other,

they want to finish us.

Who are we, Henri?

We are the keepers.

Why, Captain Beckman?

Why?

To stop the tanks.

But I had counted on you.

They'll grow back in 50 years.

Captain Beckman, you are a traitor.

- What's wrong, Beckman?

- Everything. It'll all be destroyed, sir.

- Will it, Beckman?

- Europe is dying.

No, Beckman, she's dead.

That's why we're here.

Don't you read the newspapers?

- See anything, sir?

- Paths of glory.

We're fighting a war in a garden.

Cowboy?

Here.

When it's over, I'm gonna give up

punching cows and buy a gas station...

...and water the goddamn gas.

That's good, Corporal Clearboy.

Now, move on up into position.

- Sergeant De Vaca.

- Sir?

I think that mortar would be better off

up on the battlement.

Lieutenant Amberjack,

that's good enough.

Private Benjamin, put your book away.

Don't fire on the first rush.

Wait till they hit the wire.

- I'm gonna have a look.

- Check the duke.

- He's harmless.

- No. He's not gonna let this happen.

The duke will have

the Germans build a wooden horse.

We'll be so curious

we'll bring it in the castle.

At night the duke will let the Germans

out and they'll conquer the castle.

And the castle will not be destroyed

by the battle.

Private Benjamin, up here.

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