Cat Ballou

Well, now friends just lend an ear For you're now about to hear The ballad of Cat Ballou It's a song that's newly made And professor Samuel Shade And the Sunrise Kid Are singing it for you Cat Ballou Cat Ballou Cat Ballou It's a hanging day In Wolf City, Wyoming Wolf City, Wyoming 1894 They're gonna drop Cat Ballou Through the gallows's floor She killed a man In Wolf City, Wyoming Wolf City, Wyoming Killed a man, it's true And that is why they're hanging Hanging Cat Ballou She has the smile of an angel Fights like the devil The eyes of an angel Bites like the devil - The face of an angel - I say she's the devil She's mean and evil Through and through Cat Ballou Cat Ballou She's mean and evil Through and through Pray, Jezebel, pray Pray, Jezebel, pray If ye would seek salvation Pray, Jezebel, pray Cat Ballou Pray, Jezebel, pray If ye would seek salvation Pray, Jezebel, pray Cat, your time has come As you stand on the brink It's sure making you think About your life... ...of sin How come they're now Gonna hang you? And how did you begin? Sumpqua! All out for Sumpqua. All aboard. Catherine, you are on the threshold of life! You have graduated from my academy with a first-rate education. Equipped to deal with the unhappiness... ...and stupidity on every hand. Remember: Teach as I taught you! Oh, that man looks clean, at least. This man is in my custody, and I don't want nobody near him. Don't look at him, Catherine! Oh, a man of God. Sir, would you look after her? All aboard! All aboard! Oh, Catherine! You were a good student. I know you'll be a good teacher. I have to go. Oh, Mrs. Parker! Goodbye, darling. Be a good girl. She didn't introduce us. I'm Catherine Ballou. I'm drunk as a skunk. I apologize for being in this disgusting condition. I assure you, I'll not inflict myself on you further. It's the first time in my life I ever drank. I took the pledge at the big temperance meeting... ...in Gratzburg, Montana. You remember that? It was a great outpouring of the spirit... ...and I'll not inflict myself on you any further. Thank you. Tennyson. Spins a good yarn, does he, Tennyson? He's a great poet! Poet? May I? "I stepped out of the dark barroom... ...into the street, where the sun beat down unmerciful... ...and Bent stood a-hollerin', 'Come on out, Kid Shelleen... ...I'm gonna blow you clear out of Tombstone and into hell!"' Tennyson is a good poet. "Kid Shelleen and the Massacre at Whiskey Slide." Ma'am, I apologize for my disgusting condition. I assure you, I will not inflict myself on you any further. I wish I could do something. You're very kind... ...but I got here all the help he'll need. That's very true. There's good in the Bible for these times. Ain't there! This berth next. If you'll just step in the aisle. - Excuse me, ma'am. - Sorry! I reckon I'll never see you no more. It's been a pleasure knowing you. Goodbye. Hallelujah, brother! I am here to comfort the sinner and return the stray lamb to the fold. - Let him who's troubled-- - Got a match? Go on. Hallelujah, brother! I am here to comfort the sinner and return the stray lamb to the fold. - Let him who's troubled, let him-- - Thanks. You're welcome. You was saying? Hallelujah, brother! I am here to comfort the sinner and.... And all like that. Now just a minute, pilgrim. All right. Come on in. My poor fellow, are there any particular verses you'd like to hear? I told you. He's about as religious as a hog. There's bound to be something in here to help him. Keep every sheriff easy, move! Hands over your head! - Sure glad to see you, Uncle Jed. - Likewise. Keep him covered now. Open wide! All right. Come on now! Handcuff him to the pipe. Hit him! Hit him! Hit him! Hold him! I'll hit him! I'll cuff him to the pipe. Come on! Let me have a gun! - Didn't you take his? - Didn't you? He's gonna blast himself free. Go ahead, jump! Jump?! What happened? - He freed my prisoner. - Who did? That Bible-thumper that was with the girl. - That young lady in lower five? - Yeah, that's her! Please! Right here. Hey, you in there. Hey, girl! Come on, miss, wake up! The sheriff wants to talk to you. Where'd the parson go? Did you see him? And my prisoner? Maybe he's in the next car. Come on! I shouldn't have done that! Oh, sure you should, honey. No question about it in my mind at all. It was morally wrong. But it happened so fast, I didn't know what to think. I was afraid he'd hurt you. That's right! You know, he'd have blowed my head off! What are you doing? I got a catarrhal condition. Well, you're too close. Scoot back. Don't think I was offering unwelcome advances! I put women on a pedestal, I do. Further. I'm up against the side. It's gonna get mighty uncomfortable! You won't be here long enough for that. Get out of here the moment it's safe! That's what I'm anxious to do! You think I care to stay any longer than needed? There are still people out there. Darn! I guess I'll just have to stay put then. Even though it goes against my very grain. You take your arm away this second! I am supposed to be a schoolteacher! I'll scream! I was only gonna see if the coast is clear! There's gents out there with shotguns. What are we going to do? - You can't stay here! - I hate shotguns, don't you? I mean, they leave such an oozy corpse. But there's one chance in 100 I can make it. I'll take that chance for your sake! You a schoolteacher and all. No, wait! I'd rather get cut down in the prime of my young manhood... ...than risk compromising a nice girl like you. If they get me, though... ...I want you should have my watch and chain. Oh, this is awful! Ain't it though? You get away! I just gotta watch what's going on, don't I? I'll do the watching. You get away! I thought you were lying. You mean I wasn't? All right, let's get this one. They're searching the berths. What's your name so I can vote for you? Catherine Ballou. Mine's Clay Boone. Goodbye, Miss Ballou. Cat Ballou, she lived In Wolf City, Wyoming And folks here in Wyoming Live high off the hog That brand-new firm Sears and Roebuck Send them their catalogue - It's an upright town - Yeah! - With kind, wonderful people - Oh? - Reliable people - Sure - Friendly as can be - So they say - When they say, "Howdy," they mean it - Ha! - Yep, they're neighborly - Yep, yep, yep! If only Cat had behaved These folks would befriend her If Cat had behaved Their hearts they would lend her But Cat was depraved To hell now they'll send her She could have lived like others do Cat Ballou Wicked through and through They'll now be hanging Cat Ballou Papa, what happened? - That corral used to be full of horses. - I got tired of them. I sold them all off to the Army at Fort Huckaby. You raised those horses as much as you raised me. You haven't painted the house since I left! I like it that way... ...gray, weathered and full of splinters! Papa! Come on, honey. This is my new bronco buster. This is my daughter. - Shalom Aleichem, Jackson Two-Bears. - Why'd you say Shalom Aleichem? I'm full Sioux Indian! I'm not of the Chosen People. Be stubborn if you want to. - I ain't stubborn. - Not much you ain't! An ex-congressman of these United States... ...said at the Chautauqua this winter... ...Indians is the Lost Tribe. - But he won't admit it. - Just ain't true! He was an ex-congressman of these United States! - Papa, maybe he was mistaken. - Why no, he was not! Jackson's just got a mean, stubborn streak in him, is all. I brought Mr. Bernstein, the telegraph operator, out here last month. And he stood right here... ...and spoke Hebrew at Jackson for 10 minutes. And Jackson pretended he didn't understand a word. Now I call that stubborn! I didn't understand a word! You see what I mean? Now you get that trunk out. I'll get the satchel. Jackson, what's happening? Your old man's got some roughshod ways. He's rubbed people the wrong way. He's a sweet old bear who's harmless! Don't you think I know? Nobody in this county would give me a job. As if I was responsible for what happened to General Custer. I swear, I was a little baby at the time! But your daddy... ...he gave me a job right off. Full wages too. I guess I respect and admire him more than anybody. Then why? This used to be the best spread. A big outfit's moving in... ...building factories... ...to make a real city of Wolf City. They want your daddy's water rights. He won't sell them. I'll build us lunch once the trunk's inside. I'm gonna do the cooking now that I'm home. I'm gonna take care of you. Frankie Ballou? Beat it, you. I didn't mean to scream, but he came outta nowhere! And that nose! Who is he, papa? Give me a hand! - Papa, who is he? - Tim Strawn, I'll bet you. You don't know nothing when I say Shalom, but now you're a know-it-all! Jackson, who is he? He's a hired killer. His nose was bit off in a fight. If I was gonna be scared, I'd be scared of the one who bit it off! I can take care of myself. Don't let it bother you. - It don't bother me. - You've gotta do something. What we're gonna do is go on living! We're going to eat, sleep and work... ...and tomorrow we're going to go celebrate the Fall Harvest Day. Take care of the horses, Jackson. Mabel! Well! Now, there's a game for a sheriff. Liar's poker! Our unemployed are off the streets, and the town's safe, all in one stroke. They made Ed Cardigan sheriff. - He's too lazy to steal and too dumb-- - Ballou! Show respect for these ladies-- Take off your hat. You're meeting my daughter, Catherine. Damn, if it ain't little-- Talk to me any way you please... ...but this is my daughter, so watch your language! Nice to see you back in Wolf City... ...Miss Ballou. You got any idea who forked a ton of manure down my well? Well, no. "Well, no." You're some sheriff! Come on, Catherine! Are you really a sheriff? Why is it hard to believe? Why don't you help him? I think someone's poisoned that water to drive him away. Yesterday, a man named Strawn came, threatening-- There are ramifications to peace officing you wouldn't understand. Now, please believe me. I'm taking care of it my way. What ramifications? Don't worry your pretty little head. Go and have a good time. Jackson, am I mad! I know. I saw you talking to Sheriff Cardigan. Just like Papa, he pats me on the head and tells me to run along. What am I gonna do? They got a gunfighter. You get a gunfighter. Jackson, there's a funny, inscrutable look on your face. I can't tell if you're making fun of me. Nobody would bother your daddy with Wild Bill or Bat Masterson around. Come on, Jackson. Come on. Forward up and back you go Forward again with a do-si-do All join hands and form a ring And circle to the left With the dear old thing - Who could I get? - Kid Shelleen. There really is a Kid Shelleen? He's real and one of the best, to my way of thinking. What can I do? Write him a letter. I'll mail it. - No call to dance with him. - No call not to. He's an Indian! Scream! I like Jackson. You'll make trouble for him. Look who's talking about trouble. - Why are you here? - Looking for you! - But you're an outlaw. - Got a price on my head! Twenty-five dollars for Jed, $35 for me. I want to thank you for all your help to my nephew and I. Where you staying? On the run ma'am. Hiding out in the crowd. Won't inflict myself on you any further. - Have you got a gun? - Sure do! Come home with me. - Say please! - Please! Swing your gal if She ain't too tall With her head in the kitchen And her feet in the hall Watch your partner Watch her grin Muss up her hair And kick her in the shins You dance so well. Simple, to what we learn on the reservation. Buffalo dance... ...rain dance... ...war dance. - Is a square dance like a war dance? - This one is. I wanna talk to you, Lo. My name isn't Lo. Wait a minute. Isn't it? I thought it was "Lo... ...the Poor Indian." It's Custer's Last Stand all over... ...with me in the middle. Jackson, you all right?! Shalom! Attagirl, Mabel! One, two and a right! Mabel, my 6-foot dove! Yes, some of them A very few Stay pickled till They're 92 Yes, some of them A very few Stay pickled till They're 92 My little schoolteacher. I guess we showed them, huh, kitten? I got north. You take south. - Where to? - Straight ahead, on the sofa. You think those freeloaders are gonna stop Strawn? They're gunmen. They got a price on their head. They told me. What a fine place, ma'am. Nice living room. Kitchen. Back of the house. Bedroom. You sleep in the barn. Thank you ma'am. Always deeper in your debt. What a good time I had today. You always pucker before retiring? Get out of here! How did you get in here? Why? If my father saw you, he'd kill you. You couldn't wake your father with a 21 -gun salute! Let's play spoon. You are absolutely the most.... Well, I guess I figured wrong. Where you going? To the barn. The horse snores, but I've slept through worse. Oh no, don't go. No! Clay, I gotta talk to you. We'll talk first. I can't talk with you sitting on the bed. Try. My father's a wonderful man. Do you realize that? I sure do. They hate him! They're trying to drive him out. They put manure in his well, made him talk to lawyers... ...and they sent a gunman to drive him off. You're dreaming. No, he's real. I saw him! I'll help you pack. I suppose, to a man like you, this little farm is just dirt. To him, it's his whole life! Let him dig in and fight like a man. I'll help you pack. You are absolutely useless. You are absolutely right. Look, why don't you hire a gunfighter? They got one. You always make that little... in the mirror? Where you going? The barn? Don't go! What now? Clay, I don't believe it when you say you're useless and cynical. Everybody has good in him... ...no matter how depraved and cowardly he thinks he is. You know... ...you are a sugarplum. You better watch out. There are lots who are as depraved and cowardly as they think they are. And one of them, one of these days... ...is gonna eat you right up. Evening, ma'am. Air and moonlight sets the bulls to talking for sure. What do you want? I wondered if we was staying the night. I'd take off my boots before going to sleep. I helped you before. Will you help me? Certainly ma'am, anything. Stay here with us. Somebody's trying to kill my father. Jed.... We'll stay, ma'am, to do what we can. We don't need him then. I think you do. My uncle never shot at a man. It's against his principles. Is that true? Yes, ma'am, that's true. Neither has he. But we'll stay and do what we can. As long as there ain't no trouble. Then there came to town A gun deadly and frightening A gun quicker than lightening Fastest gun you've seen It was the gun in the hand of Steel-Eyed Kid Shelleen Just one look at him Had folks starting to booger Wild, wild as a cougar Proud and fierce and mean There was no man who was tougher Tough as Kid Shelleen He had the eyes of a killer Cold as the devil The look of a killer The look of a devil The face of a killer That man was the devil Just wild and ornery and mean Kid Shelleen Kid Shelleen The fastest gun you've ever seen Kid Shelleen. You've had time to sleep it off. Let me see what Cat laid out 50 bucks for. What's holding you up? No gun. All right. Go get it! I hocked it, I think. In St. Louis? You drank up the whole Fifty bucks! Look what you did to him! You could've killed him with How was I to know he was a drunk? Go on and shoot, kid. Bang away, old fellow. You'd like a drink more than a sharp stob in your eye. He did it! He missed the barn. Sir, if I could just have a nip to steady my hands. I had the typhoid real bad. I had a rough trip down here. I didn't get no sleep. If I had a little nip, you know.... Please! You got the bottle you carry to make the sheriff mad? Give him some. You're an Indian, ain't you? It's all right. I got nothing against Indians. They was a breed of men in the Old West! But it's over for them, like it is for the gunfighter. Except we didn't get no reservation or get taught how to weave rugs. See you later, son. It's all over in Dodge. Tombstone too. Cheyenne, Deadwood, all gone. All dead and gone. Last time I come through Tombstone... ...big excitement there was the roller rink they laid out over the OK Corral. I used to work the Buffalo Bill Show and the Congress of Rough Riders. I've rescued stagecoach riders from road agents and drunk Indians... ...in the nick of time. Twice a day. Three times on Saturday. Where'd it go? You see a man with his eyes set... ...and his head on a bias and his teeth like a mule's. He'd as soon hang your guts on a fence as say, "Good morning." He's a gunfighter. Proud and feared of nothing... ...because there ain't nothing he gotta bow down to. Every man tips his hat. Every boy knows his name. Ain't no place he ain't welcome. When a gunfighter's around, trouble naturally stays away. Folks saying, "Hiya, Kid!" "How you doing, Kid?" "Come in for a pitcher of milk and gingerbread!" Or, "Come up here and cool your heels. It's hot outside." Because nobody don't make no fun... ...of a friend of Kid Shelleen. Miss Ballou! I am here! I never seen a man get through a day so fast. You leave him alone. I ain't running no dude ranch for misfits and unemployables. You keep him away from me. Where you going now, Kid? Why, Miss Ballou, you paid me $50. I aim to stay and earn it. He can sleep in the barn, Jackson. It's my gun. Mr. Shelleen? Okay if I carry your valise? Why, sure, kid. I ain't got no cash. No need to tip me, sir. It'll be a pleasure to see you at work. - How many in the opposition? - Just one. Tim Strawn. Well, waste not want not. Where's that jug of yours? Strawn. You sure? Silver nose and all. Let Shelleen do it. Let Shelleen do it. Shelleen's in no condition-- He sure isn't. Look, I'm counting on all three of you. Papa's gonna take chances, and I can't let him. - You gotta stick with him. - Yes, ma'am. No matter where he goes! All right, you unemployables, let's get the work done. For the love of Mike! A drunk in the bunkhouse, and a circus following me! Don't let him out of your sight. Does Shelleen have tobacco? - He'd set fire to the barn. - He's sleeping it off. Do you mind? What do you boys think you're doing? Cat said stick with you, and stick it is! She's crazy, I tell you! Always has been. She sees things. Her mother was like that. In the dead of night, she seen moon men... ...creeping down the walls. Get away! I could trip on you and get trampled in the crowd. Why was I cursed in my old age... ...with a nutty daughter and slack-twisted idiots? Who's here to threaten me? You see anyone over there? Or there? Or over that way? You see anybody anywhere? Now stand back and let me breathe! Drop the gun belts. You're a murderer! You're gonna hang! What is it? What's wrong? You killed my father! That can't be. He's been here all morning. No, I saw him. - He was in that rocker all morning. - It's a fact. Why do you say that? Just telling the truth. So that's the way it's gonna be. Better get outta here. Get her off of him. Get her outta here! Just a minute. Don't you do that! Put that gun away! You stop it! You won't make me cry. You'll never make me cry. There are teardrops in her heart But they can't make her cry There are teardrops in her heart But they can't make her cry She's lost all the kin That she's known And the tears will turn into stone All the teardrops in her heart 'Cause they can't make her cry It's not very hard to grieve When you're a little girl It's not very hard to grieve When you're a little girl But they made a little girl feel Like a woman made of steel Makes no difference how they try They'll never... ...make her... ...cry - You're on private property. - Get out of my way! What have you done to him? - Why is he smiling like that? - That was hard, little lady. My father never smiled like that. He'll smile on now, forever, just as you see him. Free from Wolf City's Development Corporation. You rat! Get out! Have respect for the dead! We dug a grave behind the barn. We'll stay to make sure you leave before morning. All right, you take the ranch. I don't want it, now that he's gone. But you tell Wolf City... ...I'll make Sherman's March look like a bird walk. Ma'am? She ain't got no place to go, Clay. We'll take her with us. Are you tetched? We can't take her there. - Where? - Hole in the Wall. Hole in the Wall. It's no place for school teaching. Besides, we don't even know if they'll take us in. Of course they'll take us. It's for outlaws, isn't it? You just need a price on your head, and you've got that! We sure do. It's all settled. I'm coming with you. I'm loaded for bear. Let them come. Anybody wanna try on Frankie Ballou, gotta take Kid Shelleen. Mr. Shelleen, don't you see what's going on? Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you Happy birthday, dear Frankie Happy birthday to you So that mournful day Became part of a legend The real start of a legend Known as Cat Ballou They'll never make her cry The day the law filled her heart With a hate that grew Makes no difference how they try They'll never make her cry When you have no tears Then you've gotta have something Hate really is something Blood is what you need They'll never make her cry And Cat Ballou made her mind up To make this country bleed Makes no difference how they try They'll never make her cry I smell a water hole! Hi, honey! How about a little bubbly? Later, sister. Bartender! Hello in there! I want a drink! What's all the-- Shelleen! Think of that, Hedda! It's Shelleen! Cassidy! What happened to you? Calvary, Pinkertons.... The West has changed. For us, business is lousy. If we didn't have a price on our heads, we'd get out of this hole. Why don't we have a drink for old time's sake? "Old time's sake" means you got no cash. Nothing doing. Hold these for me till I get some money. Please, Cassidy! A matched brace of pistols with carved pearl handles. Sentimental value alone, they're worth 5 or $600 each. Them ain't pearl-handled. And they ain't your guns. Anyways, no good no more, Kid. Nobody cares. Well, uncle... ...I guess we'll go back into business. Remember the Herefords in Yatrona County? Anybody for buying a round? You'll need more than just two of us. What about you, Jackson? You being an Indian and all. You just gonna go back to living off the land? You fooling? You try living in the mountains with only a stone ax. We'll all amble over to Yatrona County and help ourselves to... ...50 head. Fifty head! That's big! - I'll drink to that! - Then it's all settled. Wait a minute! You got something to say about our plan? I'm against it. I understand your objection to rustling, a girl with your upbringing. - It's the only way to raise money. - No, it's not! What do you think we ought to do that's fitting and proper? Rob a train. That butcher, Eggers, he'll take 35 head... ...and butcher them himself. What about what I said? Look, this is the Wolf City Tribune of two days ago. "200 workingmen stand ready for work on Monday... ...on the largest slaughterhouse outside Chicago." What's that got to do with a train? Workingmen gotta be paid, right? There's gonna be a payroll coming. - That's maybe 1000, $2000? - I will drink to that! - Can't hold up no train. - Why not? - Lots of reasons. - Name them. We're not robbers. If you didn't try new things, there'd be no progress. Look, you're outta your mind! Squeeze blood outta them in your dreams! Build your life anew. This studying on revenge is turning your back on the future... ...and letting the past eat at your heart. They can't get us in Hole in the Wall. We can use Shelleen's own plan for train robbery. My plan? "Chapter Seven." "The Whiskey Slide and Tuskegon railroad had a car... ...that was bandit-proof. That was a challenge and a matter of pride... ...to see that it was robbed." And so on and so on. That plan! All right! You all say you love me and are beholden to me. "Take it easy. We'll take care of you!" The first time I ask you to do one thing for me, like rob a train.... Listen, Miss Ballou! Some gang! A horse-ranch Indian, a drunken gunfighter, a sex maniac... ...and an uncle! Now look here.... Clay Boone's gang of chicken rustlers. I'm gonna do it alone! Hey, did we say no? Quit your crying. We'll do it! You will? This is the last thing. Crazy dame! That plan? What in the blue-eyed world? I'm taking a bath. What's so odd about that? I'm looking for the baggage car. Well, it's the other way, man! - Pull those drapes! I'm freezing! - Yes, sir. Much obliged! More water, more water. Here she comes! Come on, we got a job to do. Do we! My word! Hey, let me outta here! He's alive! We gotta let him out! What happened? Put up your hands! Keep them up! Let me in! - Who's in charge? - I am. What's the delay? It's a train robbery. Get along with it. I'm trying to take my bath. Here's the safe. Okay, you, open up! Nope. Come on now! Open it! I got a gun. You'll just have to use it. - What are we gonna do? - I told you this could happen. What's wrong? He won't open the safe. That right, mister? This is more than the $2000 you said. Nearer 40 or 50,000, I'd say. We take this, they'll booger us forever! Who's afraid of a little booger? I give up! Hand me a towel! - Come on, jump. - Jump?! Let's get outta here! We did it! My little gang of sweet outlaws! The messenger seemed like a nice man. Shelleen, it was a great plan! Yeah, we're just like clockwork. You sure? I am so proud of you! It's just beginner's luck. We gotta get moving. Clay's right. Ask him how we'll get outta here. You escaped in that book, right? Of course he did! You darling, Shelleen! We ride out separately in case they track us. We'll mix up our trails and meet at Hole in the Wall. Right! Come on, boy! Stupid beast! Damn! It took a crafty female brain To stage the holdup of a train She planned it to the last detail Until it couldn't fail This dash and daring desperado Lead her gang with cool bravado They would follow where she lead They made the country bleed Round and round and round they went Till man and gal and beast were spent Round and round and round they rode Oh, what an episode! Cassidy, cut your throat! We robbed old Number Seven. Drinks on the house! Hedda, you old heifer. We got money! The train guard, hair all over "Kid, Kid, please don't kill me!" Everything went slicker than.... - Where are those kids? - Ain't been seen. Will you lend me a bullet? You remember me? Old.... Old.... I'm telling you, Cassidy... ...they're coming with the payroll. It was just like old times. Money, money, money for a rainy day! They are here! Cut your throat! Help me clear this table. Get it out there. Where you two been together all alone? - Losing that posse. - Was he bothering you? No siree bob! His uncle Jed was right on the job. - Old Steel Eyes is jealous! - You got no respect! Time was I'd squeeze a pimple like you. What's the matter with you two? Give the old man a drink. There's more where that came from. You mean it? He really did do it? We did it, Mr. Cassidy. My gang! It's just the beginning. We'll wipe out Wolf City! You help me and I'll make you rich. "Wolf City Development." "Property: H. Percival." She stole their payroll, Hedda. Of course. You ever hear of Mr. Sir Harry Percival? He owns Wolf City Development, which owns Wolf City... ...which lets us alone. We don't bother them nor Sir Harry Percival, and they don't bother us. Sir Harry Percival. That's the man I should be after. How you gonna find him? You won't help us? Cut our own throats? Hole in the Wall's impregnable. No such thing. It's more trouble than we're worth to dig us out. Now you made it worthwhile! Some gang of cutthroats and murderers. We whispered your names when we were kids... ...scared to say them out loud. How sad. You got old. Count out the shares. Give them all drinks on Cat Ballou. Some schoolteacher! Cat's College of Bust Them in the Nose! What was that for? I think we'll go to St. Louis. St. Louis? City on the Missouri... ...end of the Santa Fe, jump off of the Oregon Trail. Produces beef, beer, shoes... ...and good times. But why? We got the money. Why wait till they come looking for it? They're where we want them. They're desperate! They're desperate? Let's go to St. Louis. I think I love you. There you go, all serious all of a sudden. You're like all the rest of them, you gotta be in love. Come on! Don't be so serious! You're nothing like you think you are. How's that? Cowardy custard. You're selfish and a little stupid. But you're not cowardly at all. Well, I mean... ...when you admire a man, you just go all out. Love is not blind. I see all your faults, and I don't care. I love you anyway! Love! I was gonna take you to St. Louis! Just throw our hats in the air. Now I don't know. Trouble's coming, and not just from them. Where else do you see it? Right there... ...in those big blue eyes. Ain't gonna get tied down with no girl. No, I'm going. You know, you're gonna get yourself killed. What do you care? My death's hardly gonna cause a ripple in St. Louis. I'm leaving. I never promised to be no hero, did I? You're no hero, so don't worry about it. You've no right to think what you do about me. Why don't you just go? Bye! What's happening? It's ghost sickness. It's Indian religion, see. We believe what the gods did when they made a man crazy was... ...make him fall in love. Well, that's very poetic. What's it got to do with us? Who's in love with who? With "whom." That's another question. What am I gonna do? Ain't much you can do about us. I reckon I'll see you later, ma'am. What about you? You'll stay, won't you? I get a kick out of being on the winning side for a change. Sir Harry wants his money, fast! If you wasn't a girl... ...I'd split you like a chicken. Jed! What do you want, Cat? That man with the silver nose was here. He's gonna kill me. Strawn! You know that valise of mine? You go find it. Get a case of cartridges from Cassidy. It'll be all right, Cat. Everything's gonna be okay. What's in this? Want a drink? No booze. Why are you weeping Weeping sister? Why are you now all alone? I am old and gray And I've lost my way All my tomorrows... ...were yesterday You bartered your graces For silks and for laces Your pure heart you sold For silver and gold And now... ...you... ...are old! Hello, Kid. Long time. Sit down. Where you been keeping yourself? You want a job? Some money? Not money and not a job.... What then? That! There never was any love lost between us. Well? I can't. Why not? A gunfight. Oh, it was just swell! Just the way I figured it'd be. Even when we was kids, he'd sneak behind some kid and back shoot them. I know this, see. So when I walk in, I gab with him. I figure to call his shot when I turn my back. He don't even believe it's me. He thinks I'm still on the booze like last time in Tombstone. When was that? Ten or 12.... How that booze will do your mind! Fog your mind so you can't remember a darn thing. It was just fine. You and Strawn use to play when you were children? He was my brother. It's like that time in Tombstone when he made me walk... ...stripped down to only my long-handles and my hat. I took him just like the dime novel says. It was just fine. Kid, your own brother?! Kid Shelleen and Cat Ballou. - Old Steel Eyes brought the roof down! - Hold it! Half of Wolf City's on the way up here. We'll take them like the last time. Now they got 50 of that Englishman's goons, and more are coming! Sir Harry Percival! He owns Wolf City Development. He's here himself! What do they look like? Are they professional men or barroom sweeps? Now you just stop and concentrate... ...because you are scared and confused. Big men! Dutchmen from Pennsylvania... ...Pols from Chicago... ...Swedes from Dakota. Hard! With Strawn dead, they're just barroom sweeps. Strawn was just a hired hand. This is an army! And I'm taking you with me. Are you sure it's him? That Englishman wants a fight? We'll give him the biggest gunfight ever. He wants to die! I've done everything. There's no place I want to go back to. It'll be history. Kid Shelleen and Cat Ballou. You old bag of guts. You'll get her killed too. It's better than dying in some dirty hotel. I always feared dying in the gutter with a bellyful of booze. Then Cat came along. There's still places I want to see and things I want to do. I don't want to die. Now you're making sense! Let's go to St. Louis. You don't ever change, do you? Not St. Louis? How about Sioux Falls? Or any place! You afraid someone will see you with me? I'll even marry you! Marry me! That's what I said. If that's what I gotta do to save you... ...I'll do it! Of all the self-centered, egotistical things I ever heard! Why do men think marriage is the only thing we want? Why don't you go fight or wash your socks?! I've been studying on it. And now I'm beginning to see. She loves you. Not me. Come on now, Steel Eyes. And you, all the time laughing at me. Silly old man looking after that young thing. - I'm gonna see you do the right thing. - Right thing? Guns, bottles, fists, knives, clubs... ...all the same to me. The same to you? What're you saying? - Marry her! - I will, but she don't want me! Don't listen to her! Marry her! I'm telling you, she won't marry me! First, you can't stand to get hit. But you can take it because the blood don't matter, and you're gonna live. It's a great gift I'm giving you, to know it don't hurt. Fight! I'm gonna straighten you out once and for all! Leave him alone! I'm beating up on him. He's my kin! His morals have been a millstone around my neck! What was that for? Everybody else did it. I got a right to, without regard to race, creed or color... ...according to the 14th Amendment. Can I have my store back, now that she's going? It's Cat. Where's she going? Sir, a consolation from the town. Sir Harry Percival, I presume? Really! Roughing it on the frontier, what? Delightful! You like our wide open spaces. Literally charming, lovely country and lots of fresh air. I'm getting frightfully healthy, you know. It's just simply gorgeous! Simply gorgeous. Don't let anybody ever tell you different. Look at that! A painting on the ceiling. Yes, that's a Tintoretto. - I'll say it is. - Do you like it? I think it's even more gorgeous than the girl above Paige's bar. And that's the most gorgeous thing I ever saw. My name's Trixie. Oh, Trixie! May I offer you something to drink, Trixie? What would you like? Bubbly, if you got. Champagne, Hansen! They told me you had a wine cellar, but I didn't believe it. Hardly a cellar. A bin actually, in the pantry. I never did see a train like this before. This is the master bedroom. Do you approve? Oh, it's swell! A regular Tintoretto. Do you like the bed? Oh, do I like the bed! That will be all, tonight. A little wine with music. Nineteenth century science... ...Stone Age atmosphere... ...caveman passion! My wallet is in the top drawer. You won't get away with this, Trixie. My name isn't Trixie, Sir Harry. It's Catherine. I'm Frankie Ballou's daughter. So you're Cat Ballou. Sign this. What is it? A confession that you hired Tim Strawn... ...and are responsible for my father's murder. Sign it! And if I refuse to sign it? I'll kill you. Now why do I doubt that? Don't you doubt it, Sir Harry. But I do. I don't think you have it in you, Miss Ballou. Give me that gun. Shall we gather at the river? Where bright angel feet have trod Well, it's time. Come on, don't just dawdle. Everybody's waiting. Waiting? Looking forward to it, I might say. I'm sorry they don't like me. You can't blame them, can you? Killing Sir Harry put the kibosh on the whole slaughterhouse, right? No jobs. No payroll. You took the bread out of half the mouths of Wolf City. You haven't got any friends. Ready, reverend? Hallelujah, brothers! I am here to comfort the sinner and return the stray lamb to the fold. Let them what's troubled, what's vexed of mind, take heart. There are many good things in the Bible, sister. Indeed there are. It's a better world, we're all bound for. Where trouble don't come around, sister. And earthly care is forgotten. Green pastures await the tired sinner, and honey flows like water. What a time for you to fall off the wagon. Look at your eyes! What's wrong with my eyes? They're red, bloodshot. You ought to see them from my side. We're counting on you. Quiet, please! Quiet! Quiet! If you have any last words, say them now. Let's get on with it. By the authority vested in me, this hanging will proceed. Thank you, sheriff. God bless you! Go, Jackson! Where's Shelleen? So she rode away Just where now is a mystery But Cat rode into history And her legend grew She was the queen of the outlaws Her Highness Cat Ballou Well, our story now is through We'll say farewell to Cat Ballou

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