Catfight

- Now as you know,

the election results are in

and as predicted,

senator Gary hubs

is our new president elect.

President hubs says that

the first thing on his agenda

is going to be waging a new

war in the middle east.

And I have to admit that

maybe it's the right way to go.

The threat of terrorism looms

larger than ever in America.

In fact, this week,

homeland security

updated the color-coded

warning system

that the bush administration

created after 9/11.

The old warning levels

were:
Low.

Guarded.

Elevated.

High.

And severe.

Now, the updated warning

levels are going to be:

Be afraid.

Be very afraid.

Be freaking terrified.

Sh*t's about to hit the fan.

And you know what,

you're pretty much f***ed.

Anyway, enough of

this political nonsense,

let's bring out

the fart machine.

Yay!

- Oh man.

- Why are you watching this?

- I don't know.

It's funny.

- Why are you drawing that?

- I don't know.

- I don't know either

but it worries me.

Donna.

What are you doing?

- Oh, I'm sorry Mrs. salt.

- How many glasses

is that for you?

- One.

- Two.

- It's three.

- Whatever.

Jesus drank wine.

- Carl says we're this close

to landing a deal.

Do you know what

that would mean?

A government contract in

the middle east during a war?

- That's great, honey.

Kip, eat your food.

- Well, I think

the war is wrong.

- Yeah? Well,

regardless of what you think,

it's going to happen.

And somebody's got to be

there to clean up the mess.

And what is this?

What are you doing with this?

You've got to

stop it with this.

- I don't know why

he's doing that.

- A deer?

- Sally.

Hey, Sally.

- Yeah?

- What are you doing?

- What are you doing?

- I'm taking a break.

- Well, your break's over,

come over and look at this.

Now, what do you think

of when you look at that?

- The second world war?

- Really?

- Why does it

make you think of that?

- It makes me think of the

worst thing I can imagine.

And that would be the holocaust.

- Isn't every war a holocaust?

- Yeah, that's true.

- Do you want to see

what I'm working on?

- No.

- Do you think it

needs more red?

- I think I read somewhere

that the color red

evokes a sense of anxiety

in the spectator.

- Yes, so?

- So, if somebody

was going to buy this

and hang it up on their wall,

they might not

be able to relax.

- So what,

painters shouldn't use red

so the whole f***ing world

can relax more?

- Well, wouldn't the world

be a better place

if we could all just relax?

- Sally,

get me another bottle of red.

- Goodnight, kippie.

- Goodnight, mom.

- Mmm, messy boy.

Mess, mess, mess.

- Sorry.

- Why do you have the need

to draw this stuff?

- It's fun.

- Not really.

Drawing is something

you do in kindergarten

to get out of your system.

You need to stop.

- Lots of people do it

for a living though.

- Not really.

Not if you want to be

taken seriously.

Art isn't a real thing, kip.

- What do you mean?

- Well, I had a friend

in college who painted...

- Was she good?

- She thought she was.

God, she was so

full of herself.

- Maybe I could go

to art school some day.

- Well, I will support

whatever you want to do.

As long as it means

going to Yale

and studying in the

financial sector.

- Goodnight, kip.

- Goodnight, dad.

- Come on, honey.

Let him sleep.

He's too big to get tucked in.

- I'm not tucking him in.

I'm just hanging out.

It's cool to hang out

with your mom, isn't it kip?

- Sure.

- Sweetheart, you can be

anything you want, okay?

Just don't be, you know....

This.

- Let's go.

- Oh my god.

You know what?

I studied finance in college.

- Yeah well, you were

undecided until senior year,

and then you dropped out.

- Well, you give up

certain things to be a mother.

And being a mother

entitles you to some things,

like hanging out

with your son.

- Let's go to bed.

- Goodnight, mom.

- Mmm, goodnight, honey.

- I need you.

- But it's humiliating.

- Excuse me,

- it pays the bills.

- Right.

- It's the only thing

that pays the bills.

- So, somebody has

to be the breadwinner.

- Why is it always me?

- Because you're more masculine.

- I'm not masculine.

- I didn't say

you were masculine.

I said you're more

masculine than I am.

- How am I more

masculine than you?

- Well, I mean, many ways.

But you like to strap on

the dildo all the time.

- You are helping me tomorrow.

- I'm not.

I can't.

It's going to exhaust my brain.

I can't break

my spirit like that.

- I can't take it anymore.

- Oh god.

I'm working 12 hours

a day at the studio.

It's going to pay off.

You just have to just ride

it out with me a little bit.

- Ride it out? Really?

- Yeah. Yeah.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

- You really think that

painting sh*t like this

is going to pay off?

- What the hell is this?

- What?

- That painting?

- Yeah.

- It's the cycle of life.

- The cycle of life?

- That's the end of the cycle.

- What?

- I'm not happy.

- This isn't fair.

- Okay, okay.

Um...

This collector.

He's coming to the

studio tomorrow.

He's supposedly really rich

and he's, like, eccentric.

- Are we still religious?

- Not really.

- Then why do we still pray?

- Just in case.

- Are we going to war again

with the middle east?

- Yes.

- Why?

- Because they won't

do what we say.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mrs. salt.

- No, don't apologize.

You're right.

Sweetheart, if someone

bigger and better than you

tells you to do

something, do it.

- Why?

- Because their knowledge

is what made them

bigger and better.

- Yeah, how's that for

a freaking birthday present.

It was a very encouraging

email, don't you think?

Yeah, you bet your

sticky sweet ass.

Okay, I'll see you

tonight, buddy.

Good morning.

It's a beautiful,

beautiful day.

- A beautiful, beautiful day.

- You're in a good mood.

- Well, we just got

a very encouraging email

from Phil price

at the Pentagon.

He's the head of the committee

for defense contractors.

- Oh, that sounds promising.

- Can you imagine

if we land this contract

tonight of all nights?

- Karl's birthday?

Wouldn't that be great?

- That would be great.

- I'm am praying this

deal goes through.

Praying.

Oh Jesus.

Donna?

- Oh, I've got it Mr. salt.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

Thank you.

I'm just such a klutz.

Jesus.

- Not a problem.

- It's so shocking,

your work.

- Oh, you meant that

as a compliment.

- It's positively vulgar.

But in a good way.

- Oh, thanks.

- I do think most of us

are in some sort of stupor.

Clueless consumers

with lobotomies.

- Yeah, consumerism

is a big part of my work.

- You've heard of black Friday.

- Of course.

- You've seen the videos

of people storming the stores

like rabid cattle.

- Yeah, right.

Like rabid cattle.

- But this work.

This work seems to say.

Wake up!

- Right.

That's my hope.

To wake people up.

- Very interesting.

Of course, I could never

hang any of this on my wall.

My wife would never allow it.

- Maybe you should show your

wife who wears the pants.

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