Cats Page #2

Helpful boy scouts

With a purpose in life

And a good deed to do

And she's even created

A beetles tattoo!

( RULE BRITANNIA)

Squad salute!

For she's

A jolly good fellow...

Thank you, my dears

Miaow

Miaow

The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat

If you offer me pheasant

I'd rather have grouse

If you put me in a house

I would much prefer a flat

If you put me in a flat

Then I'd rather have a house

If you set me on a mouse

Then I only want a rat

If you set me on a rat

Then I'd rather chase a mouse

The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat

And there isn't any call

For me to shout it

For he will do as he do do

And there's no doing anything

About it

The Rum Tum Tugger

Is a terrible bore

When you let me in

Then I want to go out

I'm always on the wrong side

Of every door

And as soon as I get home

Then I'd like to get about

I like to lie in a bureau drawer

But I make such a fuss

If I can't get out

The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat

And there isn't any use

For you to doubt it

For he will do as he do do

And there's no doing

Anything about it

The Rum Tum Tugger

Is a curious beast

My disobliging ways

Are a matter of habit

Now if you offer me fish

Then I always want a feast

And if there isn't any fish

Then I won't eat rabbit

If you offer me cream

Then I sniff and sneer

For I only like

What I find for myself... No

So you catch me in it up to my ears

And put it on the larder shelf

The Rum Tum Tugger

Is artful and knowing

The Rum Tum Tugger

Doesn't care for a cuddle

So I'll on up into your sewing

Cos there's nothing

I enjoy like a horrible muddle

The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat

The Rum Tum Tugger

Doesn't care for a cuddle

The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat

And there isn't any need

For me to spout it

For he will do as he do do

And there's no

Doing anything

About...

(MIAOWING)

About...

(MIAOWING)

About...

(SCREAMING)

About it

Remark the cat

Who hesitates towards you

In the light of the dawn

Which opens on her

Like a grin

You see the border

Of her coat is torn

And stained with sand

And you see the corner of her eye

Twist like a crooked pin

She haunted many a low resort

Near the grimy road

Of Tottenham Court

She flitted about the no man's land

From The Rising Sun

To The Friend at Hand

And the postman sighed

As he scratched his head

You'd really have thought

She'd ought to be dead

And who would ever suppose

That that

Was Grizabella

The Glamour Cat?

Grizabella the Glamour Cat

Grizabella the Glamour Cat

Who would have ever supposed

That that

Was Grizabella

The Glamour Cat?

Bustopher Jones

Is not skin and bones

In fact, he's remarkably fat

He doesn't haunt pubs

He has eight or nine clubs

For he's the St James's Street Cat

He's the cat we all greet

As he walks down the street

In his coat of fastidious black

No commonplace mousers

Have such well-cut trousers

Or such an impeccable back

In the whole of St James's

The smartest of names is

The name of this Brummell of cats

And we're all of us proud

To be nodded or bowed to

By Bustopher Jones in white spats

In the whole of St James's

The smartest of names is

The name of this Brummell of cats

And we're all of us proud

To be nodded or bowed to

By Bustopher Jones

In white spats

My visits are occasional

To the Senior Educational

And it is against the rules

For any one cat

To belong both to that

And the Joint Superior Schools

For a similar reason

When game is in season

I'm found not at Fox's, but Blimp's

I am frequently seen

At the gay Stage and Screen

Which is famous

For winkles and shrimps

In the season of venison

I give my ben'son

To the Pothunter's succulent bones

And just before noon's

Not a moment too soon

To drop in for a drink

At the Drones

When I'm seen in a hurry

There's probably curry

At the Siamese or at the Glutton

If I look full of gloom

Then I've lunched at the Tomb

On cabbage, rice pudding

And mutton

In the whole of St James's

The smartest of names is

The name of this Brummell of cats

And we're all of us proud

To be nodded or bowed to

By Bustopher Jones in white

Bustopher Jones in white

Bustopher Jones in white spats

So much in this way

Passes Bustopher's day

At one club or another he's found

It can be no surprise

That under our eyes

He has grown unmistakably round

He's a twenty-five pounder

Or I am a bounder

And he's putting on weight

Every day

But I'm so well-preserved

Because I've observed

All me life a routine, and I'd say

I am still in me prime

I shall last out me time

That's the word

From this stoutest of cats

It must and it shall

Be spring in Pall Mall

While Bustopher Jones wears white

Bustopher Jones wears white

Bustopher Jones

Wears white spats

Toodlepip!

(THUNDER ROLLS)

(POLICE SIREN)

Macavity!

(CAR BRAKES SCREECH)

(CAR ACCELERATES AWAY)

- (WOMAN LAUGHS)

- Shh!

(WOMAN LAUGHS)

Mungojerrie

And Rumpleteazer

We're a notorious couple of cats

As knockabout clowns

Quick-change comedians

Tightrope walkers and acrobats

We have an extensive reputation

We make our home in Victoria Grove

This is merely our centre

Of operation

For we are incurably given to rove

When the family assembles

For Sunday dinner

Their minds made up

That they won't get thinner

On Argentine joint

Potatoes and greens

And the cook would appear

From behind the scenes

And say in a voice

That is broken with sorrow

"I'm afraid you must wait

And have dinner tomorrow

"The joint has gone

From the oven like that!"

Then the family will say

"It's that horrible cat!

"Was it Mungojerrie

Or Rumpleteazer!"

And most of the time

They leave it at that

Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer

Have a wonderful way

Of working together

And some of the time

You would say it was luck

And some of the time

You would say it was weather

We'd go through the house

Like a hurricane

And no sober person

Could take his oath

Was it Mungojerrie

Or Rumpleteazer?

Or could you have sworn

That it might have been both?

And when you hear

A dining room smash

Or up from the pantry

There comes a loud crash

Or down from the library

Came a loud ping

From a vase which was commonly

Said to be Ming

Then the family will say

"Now which was which cat?"

It was Mungojerrie

And Rumpleteazer

And there's nothing at all

To be done about that

And there's nothing at all

To be done about that

Old Deuteronomy?

I believe it is Old Deuteronomy

Well, of all things

Can it be really?

Yes! No! Ho! Hi!

Oh, my eye!

My mind may be wandering

But I confess

I believe it is Old Deuteronomy

Old Deuteronomy's lived a long time

He's a cat who has lived

Many lives in succession

He was famous in proverb

And famous in rhyme

A long while before

Queen Victoria's accession

Old Deuteronomy's buried nine wives

And more - I am tempted

To say ninety-nine

And his numerous progeny

Prospers and thrives

And the village is proud of him

In his decline

At the sight of that placid

And bland physiognomy

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