Celeste & Jesse Forever Page #7

Now my career might be over because

you decided to put a penis in my logo.

Thank you for that.

I know. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

Come here.

Why?

Come here. Just come here. It's okay.

It's okay. It's okay.

I'm just so sad. And tired.

And now I'm gonna be alone like you.

Okay, you don't know

what you're saying right now. It's okay.

Are you crying about sports?

Just reminds me of someone.

Is this about a girl?

I'm not gay.

No, I know. I meant a boy.

Yeah.

Do you miss him?

Yeah, I do.

They all f***ing suck.

Kind of.

It really never gets better?

Like, not even when you're old?

No.

But you do.

Can we hug again?

Yeah.

I won't, no. Crap.

No, no, no. I'm at the airport.

Beth, I'm sitting at the gate.

Of course I have my dress.

Hi, sir. I'm so sorry to bother you,

but is there any way I could cut in line?

I'm the maid of honor at this wedding.

Hi. I'm sorry to bother you.

Maybe you heard me talking to the last

gentleman, but I need to get my dress.

She pursued her love

Of Spanish men

But missed her Tucker

More than just a friend

Our princess returned home

To her loving prince

And they've been together

Ever since

We love you, Bethy.

Now we're gonna turn it over

to Celeste,

Beth's best friend in the world.

Wow. Oh. That-- Thanks, girls.

That was...

There are no words for what that was.

Um... Ahem.

How do you get a nun pregnant?

You f*** her.

Thank you, Reverend.

Appreciate it a lot.

It is not easy to get to Rhode Island

from Los Angeles.

There was a cab to a plane

to a cab to a train to a rental car.

There was maybe a rickshaw

in there somewhere.

Maybe a donkey. Heh-heh.

But the truth is,

I would go anywhere for Beth

because she's my best friend

and I love her so much,

and I'm so happy for her.

When we were in college,

senior year we had this tradition.

Beth and Tucker

and me and Jesse would meet,

come rain or shine,

every Sunday at the Bishop.

And there was always something there

with these two,

even though they were just friends.

Just, like, an ease that they had

with each other.

They are perfect.

At last, love wins.

Beth and Tucker,

you guys are lucky,

so lucky to be best friends.

Work hard at that.

And respect that.

Um... Be patient.

And, uh...

you don't always have to be right.

Even if you are,

doesn't f***ing matter anyway.

Fight for it every day.

I wish I had.

Cheers.

This might not be the best time

to talk about it,

but at some point we're gonna

have to address Tucker's dance moves.

Wow. Heh.

He's so special.

So your speech was, uh...

beautiful?

Thank you.

I meant it.

I know.

You know what else is beautiful?

Oh, no.

Oh, yes.

Do we dare?

We do.

Here, in front of everyone?

Of course.

All right, maybe just once.

Oh, my God.

Talk to me. Oh, yeah.

Oh, God.

Pointy tip, thick stem.

You're a bad boy.

You're a grower.

You have graduated

and moved on to an adult life.

Oh, God. Oh, no.

Oh, God. Oh, no.

I'm a baby corn. I'm not a big corn.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, God. Oh.

Oh, dude, it's so rotten.

Hey.

Hey.

What are you guys doing?

Oh, nothing. Just...

It's this thing that Jesse and I do.

We take this thing that resembles,

like, a tiny little penis,

Ah...

- I don't really get it.

- It's stupid.

It's stupid.

They're about to serve dinner.

Okay.

Wanna sit down?

Yeah, yeah.

See you on the dance floor, Celeste?

Yeah.

Do it, do it, do it.

- I love you, baby.

- I love you, baby.

It sounds like the most

embarrassing speech ever.

How are you gonna

show your face again?

Yeah, well, weirdly, I'm happy that I did it.

I feel better somehow.

This song is my b*tch! Yeah!

Wow. The gays

really know how to party, huh?

What do you mean?

This is a gay club.

It's opening night.

It doesn't know what it is yet.

Riley, the club is called Swallow.

I totally dated that guy.

Excuse me. Could you tell your friend

Riley that we worship her?

She's so pretty.

Sure. I'll tell her

when she's done dancing.

You are aware that the logo is a...?

A dick in a butt? Yeah.

All of our friends are, like, rocking it.

It's kind of become like gay Izod.

It's amazing.

- Yo.

- The tweens

don't want her anymore

Scott, but the gays do.

You're gay. Start thinking gay.

Ten percent of Americans are gay.

Gay Izod. It's great.

She could be Lady Gaga

by this time next year. Huge market.

Wow. You might have turned

the cock in the butt around.

Cock in the butt is gonna be huge.

Hi.

Thirty-eight points for me,

plus 50 points for using all my tiles.

- Wait, wait, wait. "Zooecia"?

- Yeah.

No, that's not a word.

That's my hoochie cousin's name.

So I was at this club the other night,

and there was a tranny dressed like me.

Oh, my God, that's so sweet.

I know.

That's a huge compliment.

He was so hot too.

Wow. That is so sweet. Ha-ha-ha.

I mean, it was still me.

Celeste.

Rupert.

You never called me back.

You know, I think I lost my...

Do you know Riley? This is Rupert.

Hi. I'm actually a big fan.

Likewise.

Ahem.

Get in there. Get in there.

Very gentle.

Help me out here.

All right, both of us.

I can't do it.

This. I'm sorry.

What do you mean?

Are you serious? Why?

I, uh... Ahem.

I think I need to be alone.

I'm getting a divorce.

I know you're getting divorced.

I know,

but I think I have to do that alone.

Yeah.

I respect that.

You're not ready till you're ready.

Don't force it.

That's some yoga sh*t.

But I like you.

So when you're ready,

if you're ready, you call me.

Okay?

And sign here and here.

There? Yeah.

Mm-hm.

And initial here, sign here.

And...

Here, sign, and here.

I like that tie.

Oh, thanks.

Is it made out of organic mung beans?

No, actually,

I found it digging through your trash.

Well, we're divorced.

Yep.

We did it.

We nailed that divorce.

What are you doing right now?

Cantonese voices. No respect

for when their mouths are actually open.

Oh, my God.

I don't think I could focus on it.

You couldn't.

It's not sexy, but ifs damn funny.

It's beautiful.

I thought you hated it.

Never seen it at night.

Hey.

I know we just got divorced,

but nobody died, right?

I don't know. It's just...

I was just thinking about how...

you were right.

I don't know what I'm doing.

Do you love her?

Then it's worth fighting for.

Okay.

Now I know why you f***ing cry

all the lime.

This sh*t's emotional.

I've been trying to tell you.

You deserve to be happy.

And I want that for you. Always.

Me too.

I love you.

I love you loo.

It's late. I'm gonna walk you to your car.

You probably should.

I should. I don't want you to get mugged

by someone from the philharmonic.

Good idea.

Hey, you've reached Paul.

Leave a message.

Hey.

You're probably giving your card

to some girl in yoga right now

but if that doesn't work out for you,

I think I'm ready...

to beat you in Scrabble.

Okay.

Hi.

Excuse me, sir?

Yeah?

Never mind.

I'm so sorry for cutting.

My dog's in the car and he's

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