Chaplin Page #3

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I'm top of the bill.

I still don't see anyone staring at you.

I don't look like me.

What news?

Mum? Oh, Mum is fine.

Well, not fine

but there are lots of good days.

Well, not lots. But some.

And Hetty. Does she know?

The whole world knows about you.

She gave me this for you.

Fancy Hetty writing.

Look at this.

She got married.

I know.

I'm not surprised.

I wish her lots of happiness.

Well, not lots. But some.

Chin up, kid.

See, I was right. He is the

most famous man in the world.

Value for money is what we want, sir.

Charlie, take this guy back

to the asylum.

Syd's my manager. He left his

acting career to handle me.

Woe is me!

The theatre will never be the same.

What career? A thousand a week

is more than I get.

Charlie's name is bigger

if you'll pardon me for saying so.

Charlie, I've been so rotten to you!

I don't know if you can forgive me.

I forced you to leave Butte, Montana.

I made you accept

a hundred and fifty per week.

I stuffed directing down

your throat, too.

Tell me how Uncle Mack can

make it up to you!

I want to run my own show.

I want control.

Dream on, kid. I know this business.

You're not that big.

First time I've seen you miss.

But, Charlie, Mack Sennett

was the king of comedy.

He gave you your start. How could

you walk out and leave him?

The reasons are clearly intellectual.

Money.

So you joined up with

Bronco Billy Anderson...

...a puffed-up cowboy star?

Not the high point of my career.

But I wanted my own studio.

I was putting money aside

to build one.

Excuse me.

Do you always eat alone?

Only when I'm trying to meet someone.

Actually, I'm waiting for my girlfriend.

I'm a motion picture director.

I'm forming a new company

with Bronco Billy over there.

And you need a new leading lady.

Lucky me.

You must be an actress, miss...

Purviance. Sorry. Just a secretary.

I'm auditioning actresses

who aren't actresses.

Well, if you need an untalented

actress who isn't an actress...

...you couldn't do better than me.

Worse than me.

Don't you want to know who I am?

I have no interest in who you are.

Mr. Chaplin.

Cut.

Not great.

We'll do another.

If I eat one more bean

I'm going to be sick.

You almost had it. But this time...

...not quite so dainty. You're starving.

I know.

But it's hard to be hungry

after 46 takes.

But no one could do it as well.

We both know it.

I'll do my best.

How about dinner tonight?

Chili con carne.

I'll kill you, Charlie.

More beans.

Camera.

Action!

The arrival in the land of liberty.

That's all for today, folks.

Good to know I can count

on my nearest and dearest.

Don't come it with me.

"Arrival in the land of liberty"?

Showing the statue?

What are you playing at?

No one else seemed to mind.

Kicking an immigration officer

on the backside.

You think that's funny?

For those of us with a sense

of humor, very.

It was supposed to be a comedy.

You've turned it into a bloody

political tract.

We're guests here.

You can't criticize the way it's run.

Syd, I love this country.

I owe it everything.

That's why I can criticize it.

Why I must.

Remember where we're from.

There's a war going on, remember?

You make a million a year

while British boys die in France.

The London papers are after you.

You want that here, too?

I registered for the draft.

They never called me.

It isn't like I'm hard to find.

I'm on your side, kid.

First one on board, remember?

Be careful, Chas.

Just watch it.

That's all I'm saying.

You said you detested studio parties.

The worst. But not where

Doug Fairbanks was concerned.

Life was fun when Doug was around.

I don't think anyone today remembers

what a huge star he was.

I mean in those days, he was huge.

Men liked him.

Women adored him.

He was royalty.

Look out below!

Sire, you are most truly welcome.

Great party, Doug.

Isn't it fabulous?

- Wonderful.

I hate it more than you do.

I doubt it.

Of course everything changed

when America's Sweetheart came.

You mean Mary Pickford?

I always found her to be something

of an undersized b*tch.

But Doug fell for her

like a ton of bricks.

Hello, Charlie.

Hi, Doug. Thanks for inviting me.

Mary. It's a pleasure.

Duty calls. Excuse me.

He's really a lovely person, Charlie.

Yes. Hungry?

Her name is Mildred Harris.

An actress?

Oh, yes. A child actress.

You ever hear the word "jailbait"?

That's the definition.

I'd watch it if I was you.

I value that, Mary.

Coming from you.

When America's Sweetheart gives

you advice, you'd better listen.

"Better listen?" Thanks, Charlie.

When here you're married and Doug

is married and you two are rutting...

...pretending you've just met.

Mr. Chaplin, please?

Lecture me more about morality.

Bettah, Bettah.

Bettah. B*tch.

Better.

I washed my face.

Come here.

What is it?

I just need some...

you just need some lip rouge.

I've some in my purse.

It's in the drawer, over there.

Look at me.

Is this right?

Just put it on.

You weren't yet 30 and were

the most famous man in the world.

You had your own studio, named

after you. Couldn't you just enjoy?

I can, now.

I couldn't then. It meant too much.

Mr. Chaplin, welcome.

Can I take your picture?

Cut!

- Hold it.

Let's try a little less.

Hold the smoke.

The dirt, I mean.

Someone get me out of this thing.

Looks great, Charlie. I kept the boys

here till you got out of costume.

You are an ass!

- Thank you.

One more, Charlie?

How's the light? I know.

It's better down at Barney's Bar.

Call it a day.

I don't feel funny anymore.

- Let's go, Charlie.

Are you cheating, Fairbanks?

You are a truly strange fellow

Charles.

Nonsense.

Facts indicate otherwise.

Out.

These facts show a young man

of what, 29?

Not perhaps handsome

but certainly not repellent.

Flatteringly put.

Double fault. Lucky me.

A fellow of fame and fortune

not without talent.

Ready?

If only you'd put one in play.

Call this one out.

What for? I'm winning.

Damn.

Damn.

And who is he escorting?

Mildred Harris, that intellectual giant

of 16 who still sucks her thumb.

Very funny.

Then why aren't you laughing?

Because I'm marrying her.

She's really not that bad.

"Really not that bad"?

Spoken like a man desperately in love.

You're madder than I thought.

You sure it's yours?

I can only hope.

There are ways of getting out of this.

Where I come from

that's not an option.

Besides, I want a family...

You'll have one before you know it.

May I congratulate you?

You may not!

Good!

You didn't suspect about Mildred?

Not for a moment.

Why don't you add that? Put that in?

I'll never forget the night

Mary told me.

We were celebrating

the end of WW1.

I met J. Edgar Hoover

for the first time.

You should explain this was before

he became head of the FBI.

If I may continue, Mr. Hearst.

We're too generous.

We're too open.

If we don't watch out...

...if we don't take steps now to impose

some new discipline, some decency...

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