Chaplin Page #5

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How old is this one?

She's under age is all that matters.

We can go after him

for statuary rape.

The scandal will destroy him.

I appreciate your zeal.

But Chaplin and Miss Grey

were married yesterday.

If only he'd just sleep with them!

It would be so much easier.

Still...

...we must do what we can.

Lita was your second wife. She gave

you two sons, whom you adored.

This book is over 500 pages long.

Yet only five lines to her. Why?

I hated the b*tch.

She was hardly more than a child.

It can't all have been her fault.

She was a profoundly flawed

human being.

We must deal with the problem.

You married her.

All your life you bedded babies.

Readers will want to understand.

Where were you when she had those

two boys less than a year apart?

You know were I was. Making a little

film called "The Gold Rush".

You're a flawed human being

just like the rest of us.

Only, you have to address it.

I mean, why are we here talking

in Switzerland and not California?

It wasn't just the parlor pink

business or the speeches...

...or the donations that finally turned

you into an exile.

Nah.

You know what it was?

Sex.

Yes. Sex.

It's odd, but I've never looked

at a woman...

...without measuring that

possibility between us.

At the same time, I'm not that

interested - never during work.

I suppose it was only when I wasn't

working I was...

...vulnerable.

Why don't you write about that?

If you want to understand me...

...watch my movies.

Okay, sonny boy, tell your poor

little brother today's problem.

The same as yesterday.

And the day before

and the day before.

Fine. You be creative for a change.

The Tramp buys a flower from the girl.

For the plot to work

she has to think he's rich. That's all.

Except, of course, the girl is blind.

And I don't know how to make her

mistake him for a millionaire.

Easy.

We'll do what everyone else is doing.

Joe!

We'll have the actors talk.

Joseph Curb, Vitaphone.

Hello, sir.

Sorry. You're in the middle

of a family feud.

You decide who's right.

The Tramp can't talk.

The minute he talks, he's dead.

Tell me I'm right.

He can't, because you're wrong.

Who'll pay to see you

when everyone else uses sound?

I'll tell you who.

The Japanese and the Russkies...

Anyone who doesn't speak English.

Or did you forget about the other

Who's the most famous ballet dancer

in the world?

The most famous ballet dancer

in the world?

Nijinsky.

Fine. So let's say he was doing

"Swan Lake" today...

...and we went to see it.

He comes down to the footlights.

The orchestra stops.

He says, "Hi, I'm Vaslav Nijinsky".

No, he'd have Russian accent.

"Hi, folksies. Call me Vaslav Nijinsky.

Just call me Vas"

"It's okay by me".

"Everything is wonderful".

"Today I'm going to jump up

and down for you".

"Hope you like me."

What would happen when he danced?

It would be awful.

Because the magic is gone.

As it would with the tramp.

Tell me I'm right.

I'm in the word business

so I have to say you're wrong.

But I'm glad I got to meet you.

Enjoyed the dancing?

Yeah. And the talking.

Take Mr. Curb to his office.

Rollie! Get them all back.

Syd, we're in business!

How does a blind girl mistake

a tramp for a rich man?

When she hears a door slam

on the rich man's car.

She thinks the tramp's the owner.

Easy. When you know how.

Boys!

Boys!

I'm taking your ball to the cellar.

I don't see any stairs.

Mum's here. Off you go!

Your mummy's here.

I'll see you next weekend.

Come on, off you go!

It can't be all that bad, Mr. Chaplin.

Do I know you?

And why don't I?

I'm Paulette Levy.

Would you like a drink?

I already have one.

A fur coat?

You look hungry.

Actress?

If you watch B movies and don't blink.

But don't get any ideas.

- You're taken.

No, but I'm twenty-one.

Way too old for you.

You're very pretty, Miss Levy.

I didn't get here

thanks to my Shakespeare reviews.

May I say something?

You'd be prettier as a brunette.

You'd be devastating

if you were 6 inches taller.

Punch? Two, please.

At least you can do something

about your hair.

Never! I was born this way.

Nice to see you again, sir.

Evening, Mr. Chaplin.

Sorry

I'm waiting for a natural blonde.

You look beautiful.

My usual table.

- Of course. Right this way.

You'd come a long way.

- Yes. My own suit.

No need to book a table.

I lived in luxury. But I was blind.

Blind?

Yes. That's fatal, for a storyteller.

Did I tell you I sold all my stocks

the year before the Crash?

That was clever.

It was deeply cruel, the Depression.

Can I have an autograph, Mr. Chaplin?

Yes, of course.

I wish they'd wanted my money.

You know what?

I've always had that gift.

After a man makes love to me

he just goes wild from happiness.

I am happy.

Then I don't want to be around

when you're sad.

Terrible things have happened

since the Crash.

Millions of Americans

have been robbed of work.

Machinery is replacing manpower.

And I've said nothing.

Shame on me.

Shame on me.

You're right, Charlie.

It's three seconds too short.

Okay, we'll do a two-bar repeat

of the xylophone.

Sorry, darling.

I'm taking the boys out today.

Why don't you come?

Tomorrow, darling.

Definitely tomorrow.

Put that in straight away.

What should we do?

- Change the key.

Let me hear it.

No. I'll tell you why.

Charlie, you were supposed

to meet us at the fight.

I'm sorry. Who was fighting?

Mostly Mary and Doug.

You're wonderful, Miss Goddard.

That didn't work either, did it?

The Fairbanks are getting a divorce.

Mussolini has invaded Abyssinia.

You really need a break, Charlie.

We should take a trip.

Good idea.

What's a good idea?

Around the world, I thought.

I'm not going to make it.

Did you lose your other wives

this way?

I think so.

But you'd have to ask them.

Paulette. She was wonderful.

Her personality, you mean?

In bed?

- No. Well, that was good.

She didn't take me for a fortune.

Let me help you. Come on.

Okay?

I know you so well. I know you're

thinking of Doug, aren't you?

I was the only one who knew.

Don't say I don't look after you.

Mr. Chaplin. Always a pleasure.

How are you?

You look even prettier.

Nobody's fine and everyone needs

a drink. Champagne, scotch?

Scotch.

Is he, uh...?

Yes.

Seriously?

His heart.

- Sh*t.

Hey. Don't laugh.

I'm testing for Scarlett.

Why should I laugh?

Because it's a joke.

Everyone's testing for Scarlett.

I hear Katie Hepburn has it locked

away. So they say.

I haven't worked

since "Modern Times."

Neither have I.

No ideas. I'm desperate.

See you later.

I can manage a double.

Should you?

Are you two still married or what?

I find it very confusing.

When people thought we were having

an affair, we were married.

Now people know

we're getting divorced.

You're a wizard with women

no question about it.

Who's that man? Sounds German.

- Looks German.

Probably one of those directors.

Maybe he has a job for me.

Like Plato, Adolf Hitler is defining

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