Chi-Raq Page #6

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ride up your pretty pelvis.

Son of a b*tch, this is good.

This is good.

Yeah!

- You like that?

- Now come here, you black stallion.

It's time to light this cannon.

Oh, wait, wait, wait.

One more thing.

What?

Now this right here, General,

this'll really turn me on.

But I'm blind.

- I'm blind.

- Yes, you are.

Here, now give me those hands.

You want my fingertips?

What you gonna do with them?

I want all of you.

Oh, you like that?

Yeah, that's so sweet.

- Sweetie, come on.

- Feel that?

Now you mine now, General.

Yeah, here we go.

Yeah!

I'm your Whistling Dick.

I'm your little Whistling Dick.

Whistle.

Whistle like you want it, baby.

Now come here, you little

nappy-headed ho.

Come on, mama.

Bring it, my little burr head.

Come on.

Here we go.

Wait a minute.

What in tarnation is this?

This is an act of treason.

You a black nigra ISIS.

Come on! Come on!

Move it! Move it! Move it!

Move it! Move it!

- Go! Go!

- Freeze!

Don't shoot!

Don't shoot!

Please, don't shoot.

Don't shoot!

Move! Move!

Is this the police

or SEAL team two?

And you're surprised

there's derision?

If this was your neighborhood,

what would you do?

Look at all this weaponry.

Sh*t look like an invasion,

not a persuasion.

All this for some

unarmed women of color?

I think something got lost

in translation.

They say they come

to protect and serve,

but the real truth is

they get the chance,

they treat these girls like

Eric Garner selling loosies.

Let's get truthy.

Cops and gangs,

black and brown folks

stuck in the middle.

Sh*t's on fire, y'all.

I can hear Nero's fiddle.

Can't trust the police.

Afraid of the gangs.

This whole motherfucking

thing is insane.

What happened to the

officer on the beat?

And this banger sure ain't

mama nem's little treat.

First I wanna thank you all for showing up.

We all know that enough

is enough and too much stinks,

so we need to come together

in agreement about this oath.

What oath?

Swearing off the one-eyed monster.

What?

Miss Helen, as an attorney,

I know the trip.

I convict our youngsters

to this new slave ship.

If I do take the oath,

how will it sink that bloody boat?

Althea, it won't work.

You just like having your

man by the Jackie Robinsons.

Right, and that's why

Sugar Pie man don't stray.

I keeps that bone dry

and also keep myself

looking fly.

Oh, so that's why you wear

them too-tight numbers

and fishnets or Daisy Dukes.

Big old ripple up ass

hanging all out the shoot.

Oh, y'all wanna laugh?

It's funny?

Little broke ass Destiny's Child over here.

You wanna laugh?

Don't talk about my big ass.

We all got some bumps and bruises

and cigarette burns on asses.

- Speak for yourself.

- What about you and your man?

Old Duke wanna hit

that big butt,

you ain't gonna give it up?

Ole Duke and me is separated.

Girl, please.

You still wanna hit that.

Even if I did, which I don't,

I will not violate the oath.

Now, sisters, come on.

This isn't a joke.

We all have a stake in this fray.

You know mine.

So forget about

your personal needs.

I'll be damned

if another child bleeds.

Oh, Dr. Miss Aesop

has the floor.

A woman wise beyond her years.

Maybe she can help us

dry this river of tears.

As a pediatrician for 50 years,

I was dedicated

to preserving life.

God, nature, the higher power

put more nerves in a man's thing

than he ever did in his brain.

Thus, the women

must save the babies.

Save the babies.

It's time to get that gate

of motherhood locked up.

- Lock it up.

- Lock it up.

- Lock it up.

- Lock it up.

- Lock it up.

- Lock it up.

- Lock it up! Lock it up!

- Hold up, hold up.

Hold the f*** up!

If I lose my man,

I'm gonna cut all of y'all.

Sh*t!

F*** it.

Lock it up.

Knights of Euphrates,

these females

think this is gonna

stop the gangs.

Ain't this a blip?

Silly rabbits on a stone-cold trip.

I told Sugar Pie

before I left the house,

Apollo ain't no goddamn mouse.

She don't want to give it up,

I'll find me some

brand-new fresh ass butt.

There's too much ass

for all that trash.

Hey, ain't y'all heard?

The phone sex women,

they honoring the strike.

And the porno

all closing the nookie.

I mean, not even

a f***ing lookie.

Fellas, they shutting it all

down tighter than fish p*ssy.

And you know that sh*t

is waterproof.

Waterproof.

Tight, tight.

What you gotta say, Oedipus?

Well, I asked

my mommy last night

and she said

the women are right.

- Your mommy?

- Yes.

Skinny nigga, sometimes I think

you married to your damn mommy.

Well, I love my mother

and my mommy loves me.

Gentlemen, I am proud to say that I was

breast-fed till I was 12 years old.

TMI.

I hear some straight

dude's been making

late-night appearances on

"Queer Sex for the Straight Guy."

Yeah, and the brothers

on the down low,

even they saying no blow.

Nigga, what did you say?

How I know that, I don't know.

Well, at my age,

I thought my missus

was just a pest.

But Lord have mercy,

she's a sexual terrorist.

And who do we have to blame?

- Oprah?

- Women's lib?

Uppity ass women!

Let's give them frails

a dose of they own damn tail.

We'll let them twilly tarts know

who makes them groan

and moan and hoot.

And bring home the damn loot.

So what we gonna do, Ole Duke?

We took those flags once.

We can take 'em again.

Poindexter's old, unh,

but he can still go.

- You saying do it ourselves?

- That's the plan, Stan.

Unless you always wanna have

that in your greasy old hand.

Knights of Euphrates, rise up.

Like the battles of the past,

we shall come together

to whup some female ass.

Let us not stand

for their flapping lips

nor their chronic

nagging bullshit.

- Are we mice or men?

- Men!

We shall redeem

the power of our breed

with one mighty thrust into the

misty mist and the dusky dusky.

- What makes a muskrat guard his musk?

- Courage!

- What makes the Sphinx the seventh wonder?

- Courage!

- What makes the dawn come up like thunder?

- Courage!

What makes Venus

Hottentot so hot?

What puts the dance

in the robot?

What we got that they ain't got?

Courage?

F***, no. A dick.

Blue balls.

Miss Helen, I see you out

here with all these ladies today.

What do you hope to accomplish?

Lysistrata's platform coincides

with the mayor's 10-point

plan to end gun violence.

Her demands are our demands.

Why do you think

your demands and your plan

will work better than what

the mayor has put forward?

Because we have one,

and it's to save our children.

We need to stop this

violence in the street.

He's distracted. He has many

things that he's concerned about.

We are concerned

about our babies

and we are talking to our men

in our homes in the bedroom.

I think they'll listen then.

I ain't in no gang.

You telling me you gonna

stop giving my girl

from giving me what I need

because your man

is the leader of the gang and he

out there shooting and killing?

- Don't make sense.

- I don't understand that. I ain't a part of that party.

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