Child of Glass

We leave the two of you

alone for one summer

to go and visit Grandma,

and you move us lock, stock,

and barrel to some,

to some dilapidated old house

clear out in the boonies.

My social life's goin'

right down the drain.

Oh, now, don't you worry, honey.

No southern gentleman worth his salt's

gonna let a few miles

stand between him

and a pretty girl like you.

You're gonna be with the same friends

in the same school,

and it's just five miles further out.

Besides, it's not every day you get

a chance to buy a piece of history.

"Perhaps the most picturesque

"and atmospheric

of the river plantations

"was the famous Dumaine Estate

in Jefferson County.

"In the days prior to the Civil War,

"the stately manor house was the scene

of many elegant balls until... "

Well... You see?

It'll be just like that again

as soon as we get it fixed up.

Until what?

Oh, nothing, nothing.

I... I read you the most important parts.

Then, come on, Mama.

Let's see what we're really gettin' into.

Now, Connie Sue, give that book back.

That is my book.

Now, now, no fighting'

while I am drivin' this car.

Hey, no wonder.

- Oh, really!

Listen. "Until the estate fell into ruin

"under the ownership of a retired

riverboat captain

"named Jacques Dumaine

"whose fondness for the bottle

was matched

"only by his obsession for gambling. "

Oh, come on now, Connie Sue.

Give me the book.

- Wait a minute, Mama, there's more.

- I mean it. I'll park the car

and you can go read it in the woods

if you want.

It is my book. Oh, I'm so angry!

I'm really...

"The final infamy came to the house

in the fall of 1862

"when the old man went insane

"and hung himself

in the hayloft of the barn. "

Far out!

Far out? It's gross, that's what it is.

Oh, now, come on, children.

That is just enough.

Now, Mama, what kind of

a weird place are you dragging' us off to?

We are not dragging you off

to any place.

Your father and I have purchased

a perfectly astonishing example

of authentic Antebellum architecture.

Haven't we, Joe?

I suppose, children, if your mother

is determined to re-live

Gone with the Wind, I think

the least we can do is humor her.

Oh, ho, ho, really?

Since when was it all my idea?

Yeah,

was a bargain, I guess.

Who could resist a "fixer upper. "

A "fixer upper"?

How much of a "fixer upper"?

Oh, it's just a, uh, few little things,

you know, here and there.

I think it's gonna be neat livin'

in that old riverboat captain's house.

Right.

There's the turnoff, Dad.

Well, what do you think?

Isn't it just the most divine place

you ever did see?

I know you and Daddy

are stoked on history,

but I do hope, at least,

there's indoor plumbin'.

Your enthusiasm

is simply overwhelming.

Come on, Penelope,

it won't be that bad.

I reckon we're the only romantics

in this family, Em.

Alexander, give me a hand

with the luggage, son.

- Alex, come on. Get a move on.

- Oh, yeah.

Here you go.

And that, too. That's it. Okay.

- it's so huge, it looks like a museum.

- Well, now...

You're gonna need

a whole store full of furniture.

Well, darlin', I don't see

where that's such a problem...

- Hi there.

- It's so big.

- You like it?

- It's different.

Well, it's not much different

than the other house.

I mean, that was a colonial, too.

Yeah, I know, but this house feels old.

Well, it is old.

That's why your mother and I wanted it.

Hey, where's my room?

Well, it's right u!) there

at the end of the stairs, first door.

Here, here. Take the white ones. Go on.

- Mama, don't baby me.

- I'm not babying you,

but you're so unhappy,

I don't know what to do.

- You.

- Who, me?

- Oh. Just like I thought.

- I beg your pardon.

You're the one.

What one?

The one the spirits have waited for.

Excuse me. I gotta go.

Strange forces are at work here,

mysterious forces of the other world

that only you can comprehend.

Alexander!

You must be ready, boy.

Listen for the call of the spirits.

They'll come to you soon.

You must be ready, boy.

Shake a leg, Son.

Why don't you, uh, hotfoot it out

to the barn with these.

- Oh, yes, sir.

- Thank you.

Oh, every time I see this place,

I love it more.

Oh, Joe. I've dreamed of livin'

in a house like this all my life.

Miss Scarlett, I'd carry you up

those stairs in fine style

if it weren't for my bad back.

Oh, never seems to bother you

on the golf course.

Hey!

Hey, what you think you're doin'?

I'm sorry.

Who the devil are ya, anyway?

Alexander Armsworth.

Well, I got a right to be here,

Mr. Alexander Armsworth.

Don't worry about that none.

Eases the misery.

Ah!

Bet you just can't wait to tell

your rich old daddy you found

Amory Timmons layin' down

on the job. Huh'?

No, sir.

Well, wouldn't do you no good no how.

Today's my day off.

Don't you never tell no one

what to do on their day off.

Alexander.

Hey there, puppy. Come on, now.

I won't hurt you. Come on.

Yeah, that's better.

You sure are a funny lookin' old thing,

know that?

Just like an old mop, yeah.

How did you manage to

get up here anyway, moppet? Huh?

Who do you belong to?

Alexander, are you in here?

Hey, Alexander?

What the heck are you doing

out here, Blossom?

Helping my Aunt Vinia to clean.

Well, go help then. I don't want you

tagging after me all the time.

There's something I gotta tell Va,

Alexander. Something vital.

Something dumb, more likely.

You better listen and listen up good

'cause it has to do with

mysterious voices from the other world

that only you can comprehend.

What are you talking about?

Aunt Vinia just told me

you're a sensitive.

Don't take her long to tell.

All she needs is to look at your palm,

- or feel your head bumps.

- A what?

A sensitive's got second sight...

The Dower to see through the darkness

that clouds the minds of mortal men,

to see the unseen.

Well, how can your Aunt Vinia know

what kind of sight I got?

Todays the first time

she ever laid eyes on me.

And if she believes that stuff,

she's as freaky as you are.

You best not scoff, Alexander.

Aunt Vinia knows about the other world.

And restless spirits,

them that wander through all eternity

and never find no peace.

Well, I don't believe in ghosts.

And I don't believe

in your Aunt Vinia neither,

so just stop following me around

with all your stupid stories!

Well, you better start believin',

Mr. Smarty-Pants.

You must be ready, boy.

Moppet!

Come here, girl,

look what I brought you.

Moppet?

Who's down there?

Blossom, is that you?

Darn you, Blossom!

You spider-legged spook.

You think you're so funny!

You get out of here right now.

I told you to stay away from me.

Oh, now, listen.

Be sure and tell George

and all your dear ones I send my love.

Okay. Bye-bye-

The nerve!

The pure unadulterated nerve

of that woman!

Now, how in the world

did Ludee Calhoun ever find out

that we were plannin' our open house

for the first Saturday in November?

The printer, the caterer, the CIA...

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