Children Of Men

MAN ON TV:
Day 1,000

of the siege of Seattle.

WOMAN ON TV:
The Muslim community

demands an end

to the Army's occupation of mosques.

The Homeland Security bill is ratified.

After eight years,

British borders will remain closed.

The deportation of illegal immigrants

will continue.

Good morning. Our lead story.

The world was stunned today

by the death of Diego Ricardo,

the youngest person on the planet.

Baby Diego was stabbed outside a bar

in Buenos Aires

after refusing to sign an autograph.

Witnesses at the scene say...

Excuse me.

...that Diego spat in the face of a fan

who asked for an autograph.

He was killed in the ensuing brawl.

The fan was later beaten to death...

Coffee, please. Black.

...by the angry crowd.

Born in 2009,

the son of Marcello and Sylvia Ricardo,

a working-class couple from Mendoza,

he struggled all his life

with the celebrity status

thrust upon him

as the world's youngest person.

Diego Ricardo,

the youngest person on the planet

was 18 years, 4 months,

20 days, 16 hours and 8 minutes old.

(WOMAN SOBBING)

(WOMAN SCREAMING)

(ALARM BLARING)

MAN ON TV:
Throughout his life,

Diego Ricardo was a tragic reminder

of the 18 years of infertility

that humanity has endured

and its effect upon the world we now live in.

It seems that the mantle of the world's

youngest human has passed to a woman.

She is 18 years, 5 months and 11 days old.

-Faron.

-Mr Griffiths.

I seem to be more affected

by Baby Diego's death than I realised, sir.

If you wouldn't mind, I'd appreciate it

if I could finish my day's work at home.

WOMAN ON TV:
...generation needs

to reject family and society.

MAN ON TV:
He's my dentist.

WOMAN ON TV 1:
She's my house cleaner.

WOMAN ON TV 2:
He's the waiter.

WOMAN ON TV 3:
She's my cousin.

ANNOUNCER ON TV:

They are illegal immigrants.

To hire, feed or shelter

illegal immigrants is a crime.

It's your life.

It's your choice.

(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

Hey, amigo!

Jasper!

Good to see you. Come on.

JASPER:
You know who did it?

THEO:
Islamic? Fishes? F*** knows.

I'll bet it was the government.

Every time one of our politicians

is in trouble, a bomb explodes.

It's the second time in a month.

-You okay?

-It was horrible.

I'm glad you don't take

cream or sugar, amigo.

Losing you and Baby Diego

on the same day would be too hard to bear.

Well, that was even worse,

everybody crying.

I mean, Baby Diego, come on.

That guy was a wanker.

Yeah, but he was the youngest wanker

on Earth.

Pull my finger. Quick, quick!

Jasper...

F***ing hell! That's disgusting!

(TRUCK HONKING)

Illegal immigrants. Taking them to Bexhill.

Poor fugees.

After escaping the worst atrocities

and finally making it to England,

our government hunts them down

like cockroaches.

-Any girls?

-No.

What about the one we had lunch with?

Lauren?

Lorna. That was ages ago.

-I liked her. What happened?

-She decided to renounce.

Renouncers? Are those the ones

that kneel down for a month for salvation?

No. They're the Repenters.

The Renouncers flagellate themselves

for the forgiveness of humanity.

Oh, right.

Dating ain't what it used to be, is it, amigo?

JASPER:
What'd you do on your birthday?

THEO:
Nothing.

Come on. You must've done something.

No. Same as every other day.

Woke up, felt like sh*t,

went to work, felt like sh*t.

That's called a hangover, amigo.

At least with a hangover, I feel something.

Honestly, Jasper, sometimes...

You could always come and live with us.

Yeah, but if I did that,

I wouldn't have anything to look forward to.

(LAUGHING)

JASPER:
Look who it is. It's Theo.

-THEO:
Hey, Janice, how you doing?

-It's Theo.

Your rebel with a lost cause.

She loves this colour.

Don't you, darling? You love it.

"Is there a chance it will not work for me?

"There have been no cases

of anyone surviving

"who has taken the preparation."

Daddy government hands out suicide kits

and anti-depressants in the rations,

but ganja is still illegal.

Most of my weed goes to Bexhill now.

This bloke buys it from me

and smuggles it in.

Guess what he does? His real job?

lmmigration cop.

Bravo!

One of the many perks of having

a refugee camp in the neighbourhood.

Come on, taste that.

Cough.

-Cough?

-Cough.

(COUGHING)

You taste it? Strawberries.

This is Strawberry Cough.

So, Human Project is having this dinner

and all the wisest men

in the world are there...

"Human Project."

Why do people believe this crap?

You know, even if these people existed

with these facilities in secret locations...

F*** me, that's strong.

Even if they discovered

the cure for infertility, it doesn't matter.

Too late. The world went to sh*t.

You know what?

It was too late before the infertility thing

happened, for f***'s sake.

I was just trying to tell a joke, man.

I'm sorry. Go on.

-No, I'm not telling it now.

-No, come on, Jasper.

-No. F*** it. I'm not f***ing telling you.

-It's all right. Go on.

Okay. The Human Project

gives this great big dinner

for all the scientists and sages in the world.

They're tossing around theories

about the ultimate mystery,

why are women infertile?

Why can't we make babies anymore?

Some of them say it's genetic experiments,

gamma rays, pollution. Same old, same old.

Anyway, in the corner,

this Englishman's sitting.

He hasn't said a word.

He's just tucking into his dinner.

So they decide to ask him.

They say, "Well, why do you think

we can't make babies anymore?"

And he looks up at them,

and he's chewing on this great big wing,

and he says, "I haven't the faintest idea,"

he said.

"But this stork is quite tasty, isn't it?"

Eating a f***ing stork.

Eating the stork.

Italia.

You okay, amigo?

Yeah. My ears are still ringing from earlier.

Well, a little Zen music

won't bother you, then, will it?

(LOUD INDUSTRIAL MUSIC

PLAYING ON STEREO)

(ALARM CLOCK RINGING)

WOMAN ON TV:
Good morning.

The time is 7:
59 a.m .

WOMAN ON PA:
British citizens, hold out

your I.D . cards.

All others, follow instructions.

(ALARM BLARING)

(DOG BARKING)

What the f***?

Move along! Move along!

PATRIC:
This is him.

-Get your f***ing head down!

-Walk!

-Get your f***ing head down!

-THEO:
Okay. Okay.

ZARA:
Get in!

LUKE:
Get him in! Get him in!

Get his f***ing legs.

PATRIC:
Go, go, go, go!

IAN:
You are under the jurisdiction

of the Fishes.

The Fishes are at war

with the British government

until they recognise equal rights

for every immigrant in Britain.

LUKE:
We're not gonna hurt you.

We just want to talk.

PATRIC:
But don't do anything stupid.

JULIAN:
Uncover him.

IAN:
It isn't safe.

PATRIC:
Do it.

Hello, Theo.

It's me, Theo. It's Julian.

You scared the sh*t out of me.

I'm sorry about the theatrics,

but we had no choice.

The police have been

a pain in the ass lately.

How have you been?

Fantastic. Couldn't be better.

Cut the lights.

The police keep using

that old photo of you in the posters.

It doesn't do you justice.

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