Chillerama

[spooky music]

[music intensifies]

[thunder]

[far away howling]

[suspenseful music,

thunder continues]

[playful music]

[shattering glass]

[howling]

[suspenseful chord]

[creaking]

[eerie music]

Here's to you, baby.

Ten years of misery.

Slinte

[spooky music]

You never did like

taking it on the face.

Well how's that now, huh?

Come to think of it,

l think it's high time

l cashed in

on all those years

you never tended to my needs.

Whine, whine, whine.

Me, me, me.

Well what about me?

[suspenseful chord]

Huh?

I'm thinking it's time

for a little bit

of dead head.

[wind howIing]

You won't mind. Much.

[zzipper and suspenseful chord]

Sh*t.

[crunch and wet meat]

Jesus and mother of God!

F***.

[muffled growling

and chuckling]

Let go of my meat!

[howling]

Let go of my meat!

[howling]

[panting]

[thunder]

[eerie music]

[thunder]

[intense suspenseful music]

No. No. No. No. No. No.

No! You b*tch!

You bit off my bean bag!

[suspenseful chord

and sound of wet meat]

[cell phone ringing]

F***er!

[shouting]

Yeah?

[funny mumbling

over phone]

Balls! He is?

[funny mumbling]

Yeah, l'll be there,

l'll be there, yeah.

Jesus wept! Yeah, fine!

[wind softly howling]

[animaI howIing]

[thunder]

l'm late for work.

[cheerful rock music]

[horn honking]

[sighing]

[rock music continues]

[tuning radio]

[woman's voice]

WiII you stop touching

that.

(man)

Honey, what is--

What was the station again?

l can never

remember the number.

(woman)

l don't know.

You're supposed

to know

'cause l can never

remember, so it's your

job to remember.

Well, remind me

why we're bringing

our baby

to an all-night

splatter fest again.

Are you serious? l

wish that l had parents

as cool as [indistinct]

He's gonna be

so prepared for life

in modern America,

after this

evening of films.

l know.

[snapping]

Yeah.

[cheerful rock music

over radio]

l love it

when the old man

pumps golden moldies

in the channel

after the all-nighters.

You know,

l'm totally puts

me in the mood.

Yeah, look

what happened the last

time Otis Redding was on.

Uh-huh? Uh-huh.

Do you want a brother?

(baby)

LittIe brother, daddy.

(Ryan)

AII right,

Tobe. Six degrees,

Kevin Bacon, BeIa Lugosi.

Hit it!

(Tobe)

Oh, no.

Oh man, this

should be cake

and ice cream for you.

(man 2)

Oh, come on.

Forget it, I-- I--

l guess this

encyclopedia

is human after all.

So what

movie is everyone

freaking out about?

'Cause l'm going

into the [indistinct]

Well, l haven't

seen any of them.

Apparently, Mr. K.,

has the only prints

of these things

in existence.

lt's like ultra rare

Holy Grail sh*t.

Right, Tobes?

Yeah, this being

the last hurrah and all

is the best time as ever

to unleash the terror,

the blood,

the b*obs!

More blood!

More b*obs!

Hurray for b*obs.

What was it like

working here,

l mean,

Hog heaven, right?

No, nerdgasm.

l saw the movie

Hungry Hungry Hippos

l see

no nutritional value

in that whatsoever.

Hey, you asked!

And besides,

it gave

you an excuse

to almost talk

to a certain

concession employee.

Wait. Almost?

So you

haven't even like--

No. Okay?

We haven't even.

We're taking it slow.

Mm-hm. And by "slow"

he means turn the other

way and walk fast.

So you haven't

even talked to her?

lt's like this.

A girl like Desi

is never gonna

go out with me

so l figure, why not

hold on to the hope

instead of suffer

the disappointment?

You should

at least talk to her

before you go

back to school.

At least

then you could

make a piece.

Yeah, look who's

talking potsy!

Well, what the f***

does that mean?

Oh, nothing.

Yeah, nothing, just--

Look, Kevin Bacon

and Elvis Presley.

(Tobe)

Let's do it.

[chuckIing]

[woman chuckIing]

[swoosh]

Admit two.

There you go, kids.

Just pull up

to the front row spot

and tune your tunes

to 1 06. 1 and enjoy.

[chuckling]

lt's gonna be

a hell of a night!

[chuckling]

(man)

Yeah, thanks.

[rolls up window]

"lt's gonna be a hell

of a night!" F*** you,

get real.

l'm so glad to see this

f***ing dump decimated.

Jesus, man.

Lighten up.

Oh, l'll lighten

up tomorrow

when the bulldozzers

gas up.

So remind me

why we're here

instead of Schneideman's.

Because l pulled

the short straw

and got stuck

with baby sitting duty.

fine Blumps location.

[horn honking]

Until then, l

gotta keep an eye

on the old man

make sure he doesn't

pull any shenanigans.

Well, Mr. Sourpuss.

Excuse me,

that's Junior VP

at Marketing Sourpuss.

Okay, Mr. VP Poopy Pants,

l promise to make

tonight worth your while.

(man)

Oh.

(announcer)

Show starts in five minutes.

[rattling]

[cheerful music]

l don't know, Orson.

Looks like last licks

for us oId bones.

l'm gonna miss all this.

This was my favorite part.

The preparation

and anticipation.

The threading,

spIicing the reeIs,

and always racing the clock.

Betty and l , we never

missed a single listing.

ln the gate

and don't be late.

You taught me that.

My rosebud.

Well, who needs

to be on time now

when you've got

demanding video

and high definition crap?

You can get anytime at home.

Who needs the old

night out under the stars

with some movie magic anymore?

That's what you

were all about. Right?

Magic tricks

and slight of hand.

Nobody cares

for magic anymore.

Nope.

[sighing]

The world gets smaller.

And soul mates fade away

Iike oId Kodak fiIm stock.

But nothing's gonna stop me

from sharing a bit

of that magic tonight!

Right?

[chuckling]

But, much like anything else--

[rattling]

[clears throat]

Now she's gone.

Now this pIace

is pretty much gone.

And like tomorrow,

I may be gone, too.

Fade to black. Right?

[chuckling]

Or maybe a smash cut!

[laughing]

[door bangs open]

Jumping Jesus!

Jehoshaphat Floyd.

Heart hopping Christ,

you're Iate, man.

Sorry, boss, l've been, uh,

l've been dealing with some--

[coughing]

Family matters.

Well, there's no need

for excuses now,

l'm already done

threading the first film.

Good God, man!

What have you been

sticking your dick into?

You look like hell

on a hand grenade.

l've been under the weather.

Look, why don't you

just go check in

with concessions,

see if Desi needs some help?

Sounds good. Okay.

And for Christ's sake, man,

clean yourself up!

[door shuts]

lt's show-time!

[chuckling]

[thunder

and screaming recording]

Well, hell, ell, ell,

ello, kiddies!

[chuckling]

lt's your old friend,

Uncle Cecil,

welcoming you to the final,

ghoulish night of murder

and mayhem!

[vicious Iaughter]

Yes, my ghouIs and gaIs,

it's time for Chillerama!

[vicious laughter]

[horns honking]

Sit back, poke a hole

in the bottom of your

pop-corn bag,

cuddle up

to the closest corpse

and prepare yourself

for this evening's

first squishy selection.

Wadzilla!

[vicious Iaughter]

[rooster]

[joyous cIassicaI music]

[eerie chord]

[mangIed chords

and wet meat]

[shriII eerie music]

[swoosh]

Excuse me, Dr. Weems.

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