Chillerama Page #2

Miles Munson's

lab work is ready.

Tell him l'll be right in.

[whispering]

Okay.

(Miles)

l never heard

of a sperm bank

turning anyone

down before.

You can imagine

my nervousness

when they suggested

l see a urologist.

lt isn't anything

serious, is it?

Life-threatening, no.

As a matter

of concern, yes.

Have a look

in there, Miles.

(Miles)

Wow! Look

at them aII go.

(doctor)

That is an exampIe

or normaI sperm.

And that

is your sperm.

[ominous music]

(Miles)

Yikes.

[suspenseful chord]

That doesn't look good.

Miles, there's

a new medication l'd

like to suggest you try.

lt's called

Spermupermine.

Now, it can't increase

the sperm you generate

but what it can do,

is strengthen the sperm

you already produce.

Spermupermine?

Yes. lt hasn't been

approved by the FDA yet,

but it is available

to test subjects.

Luckily for you,

l'm on the research board.

[chuckIing]

Thank you, doctor.

[shouting]

(man over TV)

Good morning, kids!

lt's the Captain Fatso Show.

And l'm Captain Fatso!

[shouting]

Well, ahoy there,

Captain Fatso,

say, are those

gumdrops l smell?

(Fatso)

Look kids,

it's DudIey DingIeberry!

[kids shouting]

(Fatso)

I'm starving!

l haven't even had

breakfast yet!

(Fatso)

Let me teII you

about the new sponsor!

[shouting]

[suspenseful music]

[TV show continues]

[music stops]

(Fatso over TV)

Peanut Mush

is now enhanced

with new

fIavored chemicaIs.

Makes your

breakfast even more

scrump-diIIy-dumptious!

Sounds de-lish.

[shouting]

Morning, Miles.

Uh, morning, Larry.

Hey, you still

single, buddy?

Unfortunately.

My wife's

college roommate

just got divorced

and moved to town.

Perfect for you.

You should

take her to dinner

tomorrow night.

Absolutely not.

No way, no more

blind dates.

Not after last time.

Come on, she's perfect.

You should just do

this, okay?

She's cute.

She's not looking

for anything serious.

Just a little

companionship.

You know?

[train horn]

[playful music]

[jazzzzy music]

Oh.

Allow me.

[suspenseful chord]

Oh.

[grunting]

Miles, are you okay?

Come here.

l just had a horrible

shooting pain

in my balls.

You think you

sat on your balls

when you sat down?

l don't know.

Oh! You twisted the veins

in your testicles.

Classic vein twist.

Okay. Okay.

[panting]

l'm good.

l'm so--

(man)

Okay, onto the consolidation

of our acquisitions

of GeneraI TextiIe Industries

and MBT Plastics.

For a brief overview,

we'd like

to introduce

to you all

the newest member

of our department,

Andie Sumner.

[jazzzzy music]

Hello, gentlemen.

[jazzzzy music]

Oh!

[sighing]

l'm such a klutzz.

Oh.

[grunting]

Are you okay?

Someone, help him up.

No, l'm all right.

l'm all right.

l'm all right.

Ugh. l just need

a little bit of air.

l'm sorry. Excuse me

for one second.

[grunting]

l don't know

if it has anything to do

with the pills

that you gave me,

but every time l get

the least bit aroused

l get the most intense

shooting pain

[whispering]

through my testicles.

Tsk. Well, there's only

one way to find out.

[scream and suspenseful chord]

What in God's name--

[suspenseful music]

Miles? Are you

all right?

l think so.

Give me the sample, Miles,

so we can get it

under the microscope

right away.

l don't think you're

gonna need a microscope.

Oh!

[wet meat]

[panting]

My God.

What's wrong with me?

It's impossibIe,

but it wouId appear

that the Spermupermine

has had an adverse

effect on your system.

It's not onIy strengthening

your spermatozzoa

but it's causing it

to grow

to gargantuan proportions.

And traditionaIIy, when

a man experiences arousaI,

his testicles produce

more sperm.

But in your case, however,

when you get turned on,

the one sperm you do have

gets huge.

[wet meat]

[suspenseful music]

I'm gonna send

this to the National

Institute of HeaIth

in Washington

for analysis.

Discontinue use

of the medication immediately.

lf you feel your

sperm enIarging again

you get it out of your

system right away.

Get it out

of my system?

Jerk off! Fast!

[sighing]

[cheerful Latino music]

[knocking]

[soft music]

Hi.

You must be Miles.

[suspenseful chord]

l'm Louise.

[suspenseful music,

intensifying]

[grunting]

[suspenseful chord]

No.

Oh, my God!

What happened?

Are you--

Are you okay?

May l use your bathroom

just for a minute, please?

Of course.

Come right in.

Right down the hall.

l'll just

be one second

and l'll be back.

Oh.

[grunting]

[suspenseful music continues]

[growIing]

Molly, just what

kind of a nut did you

and Larry set me up with?

Hon, Louise says

that Miles showed

up at her door,

grabbed his

crotch and started

screaming. Wha--

He's-- He's

in the bathroom now,

he's making weird--

l can hear him.

(Larry)

Louise, Miles twisted a vein

in one of his testicIes.

Yeah, it hurts him sometimes.

He feeIs bad about it.

Don't make a fuss

over it.

He's a good guy.

Okay. That is enough

out of you.

l'm so sorry.

No, it's gonna

be okay.

He's just a brute.

That guy is such

an a**hole.

[gasping]

l can hear him.

The poor guy--

Now l just

feel sorry for him.

[intense suspenseful music]

[shouting]

[loud thud]

[wet meat]

[grunting]

[suspenseful chord]

[clink]

She hung up.

[ominous music]

[thumping and wet meat]

[thumps and crashing]

[glass shattering]

[knocking]

Miles?

[thumping]

Are you all right in there?

[grunting, crashing]

[wet meat]

Ugh!

[flushing]

[sighing]

That was a close one.

[ominous music]

Oh, no!

[Louise, knocking]

Miles.

I'm getting

very concerned.

lt sounds like something

broke in there.

You don't happen

to have a plunger,

do you?

Oh.

Just what in the hell

happened in here?

l'm on a new medication.

[spIashing]

Oh!

[growling]

Oh, my God!

[ominous music]

lt's getting bigger!

[growling]

Run!

[Louise, screaming]

No!

Run!

Ugh.

[growling and squealing]

[screaming]

Oh!

[screaming]

[screaming]

[screaming and sound

of wet meat]

[growling]

[Louise, screaming]

[crash]

[growling]

[glass shattering]

[thump]

[gurgling]

Um.

l can explain that.

He's a nice guy,

don't get me

wrong, but--

"Nice" just don't

count in the bedroom

when you got

a baby gherkin

between your legs.

Come on, Stewie.

Make a poo poo

for momma,

Come on, be a good boy.

l'm not exaggerating.

The guy's hung like

Howdy Doody,

and that's being generous.

[ominous music]

[chuckling]

Of course l'm

gonna see him again.

Did you see his car?

lt's a Cadillac.

No, that sizze was more

than acceptable--

[eerie sound

and dog whining]

Stewie! Will you

please shut up?

l'm sorry. He flunked

obedience school.

The mongoloid.

[ominous music]

[wet meat]

[whining]

[monster growIing,

dog whining]

Why does it smell

like Ajax?

[Ioud growI]

Stewie! Ow! You almost

dislocated my--

Stewie?

[ominous chord]

l have to call you back, mom.

Stewie just escaped

from his leash again.

There you are.

[wet meat]

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