China Seas Page #3

They're not worth anything.

Twelve and a half bucks.

A bargain, I'd say.

Where did you get them, Mr. Timmons?

- She picked them up...

- I bought them myself, in Tokyo.

Well, you know, it's not always easy

to tell the real from...

- I'm sure you didn't pay too much for them.

- Bet your sweet life she didn't.

That little woman gets her money's

worth every time, huh, poopsie?

Hey, you see that chess game over there?

When I was 4 years old,

I played 10 people all at once, blindfolded.

I lost every game.

Pirates. Baloney.

- Where did you really get those pearls, huh?

- You won't tell Wilbur, will you?

Twelve and a half bucks to Wilbur.

That pirate hooey of yours is stuff

they always tell tourists.

I'll bet they don't rate

1-9 with our rumrunners.

Bosh. Your rumrunners learned the game

from our pirates, even to hijacking.

That trick of identifying each other...

...by matching the

halves of a torn $ 100 bill.

- Here they use a 100 note.

- Sunday paper bunk.

- Hey, mate, come here.

- Yes, sir.

- How are you, Mr. Davids?

- How are you, Sir Guy?

Tell him that bunk about the ship

they held up and scuttled.

Get a load of this. It's terrific.

I don't remember saying anything,

Timmons.

You can't get out of it like that.

Tell him about the one white officer

who came out of it alive.

What's the matter with that boy?

Was I speaking out of turn?

I'm afraid you were. That's Tom Davids,

captain of the ship I was telling you about.

Say, don't look now, but I think

my stomach is full of butterflies.

Isabelle.

Isabelle MacCarthy.

- Yes?

- Would you say that I looked like a lady?

No, Miss Dolly. I been with you

all too long to insult you that way.

Say, what's the difference?

What's that snooty English dame got

that I ain't?

She's more refined-like.

She would never wear that dress

with all them shiny beads you got.

That dress is more my type.

You been hinting for that dress for a month.

Go on and take it.

You spoiled it for me, anyway.

You sure got the right feeling though,

honey.

I got to let this out a smidgen.

You sure is got the right instincts,

no matter what they all said.

What do they say?

It's just a mite of talk.

They say you's got yourself...

...so hooked onto that Captain Gaskell that

he's shaking himself like a wet hound-dog...

...and can't get you loose nohow.

Yes, miss, they do. Like a wet hound-dog.

He can't shake me off.

I hopped off, see?

And I'm glad I did.

Do you hear that? I'm glad. I'm happy.

Sure you is happy, honey.

But don't you worry. You'll get over it.

Twenty years on the China Seas,

and she never lost a spangle.

I had a spangle once,

it was a cocker-spangle.

She had a litter of field mice.

Good evening, Miss Portland.

I've got you the other side of Mr. MacArdle.

- Well, I get it. Where is the big guy?

- You mean the captain, miss?

He went... That is,

I believe he's escorting Mrs. Barclay.

Why doesn't she put a ring in

his nose to lead him around easier?

- Excuse me, sir.

- Ah Feng...

...bring me a double hooker of scotch.

- Yes, miss.

Well, Jamesy, you old tramp.

Long time no see, kid.

No fault of mine, Dolly.

You're the original one-man girl.

As long as I've got a one-gal guy.

I just saw Captain Gaskell upstairs

walking with Mrs. Barclay.

Very lovely-looking girl, isn't she?

She couldn't take me away

from a girl like you in 1000 years.

What makes you think

she's taking anything away from me, huh?

Get on the belt line

and keep them coming.

You know everybody, Sybil,

except perhaps Miss Yu-Lan, Mrs. Barclay.

- How do you do?

- And Miss Portland.

- How do you do?

- Hello.

You needn't be so

confoundedly possessive, Alan.

I knew Mrs. Barclay long before you did.

You had such a start.

I'm only trying to catch up.

You had your chance, Sir Guy,

but you spurned me.

At least Alan didn't meet me

till after I was married.

That ruins all my guesses.

I had such a romantic meeting arranged

for you two.

Squadron ball at Gibraltar.

Music, lanterns, uniforms.

Her husband was at sea,

so I claimed every dance.

We walked back to the hotel together.

- With or without moonlight?

- There was a harvest moon.

You've never seen a moon

until you watch one over China Seas.

- It'll be full when we get to Singapore.

- Oh, glorious.

Speaking of meetings,

remember that night...

...in that poo-tang joint in Saigon

when we met up with a certain party?

- Do I?

- There wasn't any moon.

He had a shiner that lit up the whole street.

And a cut on his leg. He'd have bled

to death if it hadn't been for Dolly.

- Oh, my, that was a romantic meeting.

- She saved his life.

Never got a word of thanks,

I'll be bound.

I wish I could tell you what she said.

You never used to be so particular

about your language.

That's right, Dolly.

This'll be an awful comedown

after the Royal Mail.

I don't know. There's something very

real and dramatic about this atmosphere.

You know, pirates and machine guns,

barricades...

Mr. McCaleb, I want you to meet

a literary rival, Mrs. Barclay.

Good evening, Mr. McCaleb.

Thanks,

I've got all the insurance I can handle.

Mrs. Barclay, I'm sure I saw you

in London two years ago.

Why, of course, Miss Yu-Lan.

It was at the American Embassy,

and then at the Gainsboroughs' in Sussex.

Peg Gainsborough

is the most amazing hostess.

- It was only two years before that I met...

- Too amazing for words.

There I was with a cinder in me eye

as large as a paving block...

...the duke on one side,

marquis on the other...

...both trying to pull my

top lid over my bottom.

- Miss Portland is a professional entertainer.

- Oh, I am.

- You'd like me to try something else?

- You haven't anything left for an encore.

So you think it's funny?

What are you grinning at?

- You must be very fond of him.

- What makes you think so?

To humiliate yourself like this.

I'll see you later, Alan.

Don't worry, he knows where

the royal suite is, and so do I!

I had it the first time I sailed

on this ship.

The more violent the storm,

the sooner it subsides.

When I want you to sound off,

Golden Bells, I'll pull your rope.

I apologize for this exhibition.

It's all my fault.

And as the man said when they were about

to hang him, "This will be a lesson to me. "

Madam Chairman and ladies

of this literary group...

...it is with sentiments of profound

respect that I address you this afternoon...

...because woman is the mother

of all literature. I thank you.

Hey, look, I'm awful sorry I blew up,

honest I am.

Hookers of Scotch and the fact

I'm so nuts about you, I...

You saved me a lot of trouble.

You painted the whole dirty picture

for her with a nice truthful brush. Thanks.

Toots, don't talk to me like that.

I get scared when you put the freeze on me.

I'll go apologize,

do anything you want...

You keep as far away from her as you can,

and farther away from me.

Come.

- Captain Gaskell, sir.

- What's wrong, Mr. Rockwell?

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