Chokeslam Page #4

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It's all done.

What do you mean, what's done?

The posters, duh.

You put up the posters?

That is what you

do with posters.

Beer?

The posters I gave you were,

were... were a mock up.

A mock up.

I just wanted your help

to design it...

It wasn't finished, I didn't

want you to put them up yet.

I was gonna tell sheena about my

idea after this ceremony, okay?

Do you know... she hasn't

agreed to do a retirement match

here, sh-she hasn't given us

permission to put her face u, u-

u, up... literally everywhere!

So I messed up.

Yes, you messed up.

Yes, you royally frickin'

screwed me, is what you did.

She likes to do things her way.

You know that.

She likes to do things on her

terms, and and, and this is

not, uh... this is

not... on her terms.

This is not good.

The posters are already up,

so stop being so scared of her.

I'm not scared of her.

I would say you're acting

like you're scared of her.

No, no, okay.

You know what?

Oh yeah, I'm only going to

say this once and that's it.

I am not scared of

sheena de wilde

- oh, sh*t.

- Oh, sh*t.

Sheena:
You trying to wreck

my life, a**hole?

No, no. I can

explain this.

The whole bloody town is

expecting me to wrestle Friday

for my retirement match.

What's wrong with that?

I haven't announced

my retirement yet.

Besides that, though.

Oh, a retirement match

doesn't make sense here.

It should be in a bigger market.

Okay, hold on.

I'm going to stop you

right there, okay?

Is that you or is

that tab talking?

Oh, back off!

You back off.

Did I just hurt you?

I'm sorry.

What I said to you was in

confidence and then you went a

broke my trust just like every

shady wrestling promoter I've

worked with for the past decade.

Sheena, this is

your thing, okay?

You get to decide whatever.

You can give the

proceeds to charity.

I don't care.

Sheena, this should be your

thing and you should go out on

your terms, right?

Wouldn't that be cool?

- No.

- Okay.

You leave me with no choice!

Backyard, now.

Okay, all right.

It goes a little

something like this.

Smasheena, I pin you, okay?

Then you do the match.

Yeah? Oh, I see.

You're afraid the match

isn't choreographed?

Yeah, I get it.

You ready?

Whoo!

Okay, hold on.

Wow, that was intense.

Yeah?

That was awesome, yeah.

For real.

Ah! Aagh! Ooh!

Okay.

Whoa.

Aaagh, oh.

Oh!

Sh*t, was that too far?

Oh!

Okay.

I got you, one, two.

Okay.

I'm pinning you.

I'm pinning you.

Okay, okay.

I'll do it, okay.

Yeah

oh.

Why is having my

retirement match here

so goddamned important to you?

Because it's important to you.

Oh bullshit. You

want something.

What?

You're just like everyone else.

- Me?

- Yeah.

I'm sorry, when have

you ever known me

to try to take advantage of you?

Yeah, even St. Corey Swanson

is capable of hurting someone.

Between the two of us, the only

one I ever see getting hurt

is me.

Oh, oh. Low blow

and not true.

- Oh, so true.

- Holy sh*t!

- What?

- Oh my god.

What?

There's wood in your ass!

What? Did you-aaaagh!

I'll pull it out.

Don't touch it, don't

touch it, don't touch it!

You take it out and then there's

an artery and the blood will go

everywhere and I'll die!

Really? An ass artery?

Yes, there's an

ass artery, okay?

There's such a thing

as an ass artery.

There's no such thing

as an ass artery.

Yes, and it's in the

left butt cheek, okay?

I could die.

Oh, I can feel it now, now

that I know it's there!

What do I do? What do I

do? What do I do?

Call the doctor!

Did you even look

at the picture?

My first costume.

Grade 11?

Yep.

God, I look like such a dork.

So dorky.

You helped design it.

I helped with it.

What?

A scar.

Be nice to hear what

happened from you.

There's a lot of stuff flying

around over the years.

Yeah.

Only if you're

comfortable with it.

I'm sort of the farthest thing

from comfortable at the moment,

but yeah, okay.

I was walking home.

That was a few days

after you left.

I found myself in our old spot.

There were these guys.

I think they were just having

fun, but one of the guys

must have spotted me.

Man, he started

shouting like a maniac.

What'd he say?

Nothing. He didn't

say anything.

Cory, come on.

What did he say?

It wasn't crazy.

Just this little voice he was

doing was like...

Hey, sheena dewilde,

will you marry me?

Marry me, marry me, marry me.

Ooh!

I slipped and fell.

This nice family found me.

I guess the word spread

that I had jumped.

Anyway, after that,

I became that guy.

The guy that got so

depressed that he

botched a marriage proposal and

then he decided to kill himself.

So, I hurt you again

without even being here.

What? No, what are

you talking?

That's ridiculous.

It's not on you.

Okay, look, I know nobody in

this entire frigging town

believes me, not even my

own mother believes,

but I need you to just-oh, wow.

I need you to listen to

me for two seconds, okay?

I'm dead serious when I say I

did not try to kill myself,

okay?

Okay.

Right, I've seen a lot of this.

Sex toy mislaunched?

God!

You kids are sick.

Okay, so all proceeds can go to

my sister's art therapy charity.

Let's do it.

Come on, no.

If you're going to do this whole

thing out of pity then you

shouldn't do it.

I'm not doing it out of pity.

I'm doing it because I want to.

All right? Let's put

on a good show.

Deal?

Yeah, deal.

Cool.

Good night.

Night.

What does your sister pull in?

Sixty? Seventy a year?

She could do better.

So we're doing the retirement

match here after all.

I'm only going to say this once.

We haven't even spoken to

anybody about my mail-outs yet

are you high again, Carl?

It's Luke and yeah,

I'm a little buzzed.

Can always spot a weed man.

I'm late, what's up?

Nothing.

I don't know.

Yeah, did we want to

discuss any business stuff.

I could just jump into...

We don't have to be

formal or anything.

If your wrestling people,

puke or sh*t or urine anywhere

that's not in toilet, you

will pay to clean it up.

No ifs or buts, none.

Bruno raises a valid point.

He's had a few tough nights

janitorially speaking.

So much urine.

Maybe talk to the boys

about their accuracy.

Yeah, that's pretty disgusting.

Cool, we can like monitor

the bowel movements somehow.

The audience is best we can.

What now?

I'm not working with

Horatio anymore.

What?

Yes, you are.

Can I be serious for a minute?

He's dead weight.

Hey, I am not dead weight.

Get the hell out of here.

I'm tired of carrying you.

You don't need to carry me.

Get out of here. Get

out of my way.

Make me, huh?

Boom. Gone.

This bickering.

You know what it reminds me of?

'85, I'm in Mexico City, working

with El chupacabra, place is

sold out, 60,000 fans, I'm on

top, working for the strap,

puma comes out of the jungle,

bites off a piece of my ear -

there's that bad boy, I not

only finish the match, I win it,

keep the strap, and I

get free Margarita mix

for the rest of the night.

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