Christmas Crime Story Page #6

We all got intuition

about these things.

- Yeah, she said

something like that.

- Mm-hmm.

I'm guessing the love boat

is sinking, though, right?

- Why would you say that?

- Well, you're here.

- Yeah.

She kinda asked me to.

- Mm, it's my kinda girl.

You wanna hook me

up with her digits?

- You ever, uh.

I mean.

You love someone

but you hate how

they make you feel.

- So why stay with them?

Look, no, no, no.

I'm the worst person you

should ask to for advice.

I mean, my last boyfriend

was like a serial cheater.

And I ain't got no family,

except for my sister,

but I haven't talked

to her in years.

- Okay, well, let's just

say for argument sake

that's all moot.

- All right, so if she's

more of a ball and chain

than she is a magnet,

just dump her.

I mean, unless you're Hindu,

you only got one shot at life,

so why spend it with someone

who makes you feel like sh*t,

you know?

- Because I love her.

- Look, you ain't got to

tell me that, all right?

If you love her, make

sure you show her,

show her how you feel.

Don't just recite the words.

Just don't become a

slave to her is all.

- Thanks for the pep talk.

- Heather.

- Yeah, yeah.

I got that from your name tag.

- I'm John.

- John?

Okay, John, you don't

have to lie to me, John.

I don't judge.

- What do you mean?

- Shh, intuition, remember?

All right, so, it's gonna be

13.95, John.

Don't be a stranger, John.

- Could I get a lottery ticket?

- Yeah, you want

a nice purple one?

- Yeah, whatever is cheapest.

- Okay, so.

What are you doing?

- I'm sorry, I need the money.

- All right--

- Okay, shut up, okay?

Just do it.

- And we'll both just pretend

like this never happened,

all right?

- Look, shut up.

- You don't have to do--

- Just shut up, okay?

- Please.

- As soon as I get the

money, I'm outta here.

- No, no, no, that's not enough.

I need at least three

grand from that safe.

- We don't even keep

that much in here.

- Well, then give

me what you do have.

- Why you doing this, all right?

- It doesn't matter.

- It does matter because

you could just walk away.

- No, I can't.

I love her.

- She's making you do this?

- Stop f***ing stalling.

- I don't know why you

just don't go to the cops.

I mean, she's obviously

blackmailing you, right?

- Oh, no, f***!

I'm sorry, no, no, no.

Stay with me.

Stay with me, come on!

I'm so sorry!

No!

F***!

Goddammit!

- Hey.

- Nah, you know what?

I'm not even gonna ask.

I don't care.

Go ahead, Romeo, scratch away.

- Nothing.

- I'm gonna consider

this a victory.

It's been a pleasure.

It hasn't.

- We're not done yet.

- You're entitled

to your opinion.

- Thank you, Jason.

- I like your lap dog.

He knows when to

keep his mouth shut.

- Come on, Davy.

You can dig better than that.

Come on, faster!

Dig, motherf***er, come on!

Holy Night

Dig that hole, move, move!

See, that's what you get for

not wanting to chop her up.

Now you gotta dig a bigger hole.

All is bright

Round yon Virgin

Mother and Child

- Santa!

- Hey, kiddo, Merry Christmas!

- Mom, he called me kiddo

just like Daddy does.

- I heard him, baby.

- Are you really Santa?

You don't look like him.

- I don't?

Why do you say that?

- You just don't.

- Abby.

- Huh, I kinda like that.

You got me, I'm not Santa.

But you've seen a lot of

Santas around town, right?

Stores, malls, stuff

like that, right?

- My daddy does that.

- Yes, he does.

- Yeah, Santa Claus, right?

He's awesome, he's magical

and sh*t, I mean, stuff.

But let's face it, Santa Claus,

he can't be at all

places at all times.

So he needs helpers.

Like your daddy and me.

- You know what I

want for Christmas?

- I couldn't tell you,

but if you tell me,

I'll make sure the big guy

gets the memo, okay, Abby?

- Mommy, he knows my name!

- He does.

- Go ahead.

- Well, Santa's got his

work cut out for him.

But I'll make sure Santa Claus

knows to do his best, okay?

- Okay.

- Abby, why don't you go

inside, get us a table?

I'm gonna have a little talk

here with Santa's helper, okay?

- Okay, Mommy.

- Hey, look.

I'm sorry if I got too close.

- No, you seem good with kids.

- How long has

your daughter been?

- Sick?

Four months, this time.

- It's nothing to

be ashamed about.

I understand.

- No, you don't understand.

And I praise God every

single day for each person

who doesn't understand.

- How much does all

that medical stuff cost?

- Too much.

I should get going, she's

probably looking for me, so.

- Wait.

Take this.

Just take it.

- I can't take this from you.

- I don't want it.

- Why?

- It doesn't matter, okay?

Just make sure--

- It's $250,000!

- Just make sure that you

help your kid with that.

- Mom, when are you coming?

- I'm coming, baby,

I'm coming, Abby.

I'll be right there.

I don't know what to give you.

I don't know, I have

nothing to give you but this

and you need to take this.

It's what's right.

Merry Christmas.

- You know what your daughter

wanted for Christmas?

She said she just

wants to be normal

like all the other kids.

- Thank you.

Thank you.

Silent Night

Holy Night

All is calm

All is bright

- Oh my god.

Is he?

- Call 911.

Call 911.

- Dissing my car.

- Would I.

- You wanna kill me?

Okay, let's go.

- F***!

F***!

F***!

- Merry Christmas, girls.

Mashed potatoes?

And chicken pot pie.

- Do you know of a man, came

in here in the last hour or so?

- Well, I've had

my share tonight.

What's your type?

- Mid-40s, a big haggard.

- Dressed like Santa Claus?

- That's him.

- Yeah, he was in

right before six,

he asked for a job application

and then he just took off.

Oh, you know what,

he did leave this behind.

- He just left it?

- Yep.

Enjoy.

- Good morning, ma'am.

I'm sorry, I'm afraid

I have some bad news

regarding your husband.

- No, no.

- Some details are

being released.

Except that the prime suspect

in the Magnolia

Liquor Store robbery,

Randall Edwards, a

47-year-old Glendale resident,

has reportedly committed

suicide while in police custody.

Officials are not releasing

any further information

at this time.

Reporting from North

Hollywood, I'm Nick Sanchez.

- What seems to have originated

with a botched robbery

and the murder of a clerk

here at Magnolia Liquor

at Hollywood Boulevard.

The clerk, Heather Harrington,

was pronounced

dead at the scene.

And the authorities suggest

that the perpetrator

was actively involved in the

death of Officer DeJesus.

Silent Night

Holy Night

All is calm

All is bright

- When did you take those?

- I took them last night.

Isn't that something?

Santa came early.

Here, I thought you

weren't the intimate type.

Is this one of those

it's-not-me-it's-you things

or it's-not-you-it's-me things,

whatever the f*** it is?

- How could you do that?

- How could I?

How could I?

I'm so glad you asked me that.

I mean, while you were

kissing him in the dark,

I had to open the

aperture to an f-3.5.

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