Cinderella: Once Upon A Time... In The West

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( crickets chirping )

( hawk squawking )

( distant howling )

( birds twittering )

( loud squawking )

( distant howling )

( squawking )

( hawk squawks )

Our beloved ancestors

had given us a beautiful home,

a place of amazing

naturaI wonders.

The rocks, the sand,

the cactus.

( chuckles )

Nothing was better.

And then one day,

Felicity arrived here.

And she built Felicity City.

Narrator:
At first glance,

it's a town like most others--

its sheriff constantly

on the lookout for evildoers,

his senses like a puma.

( bell tolling )

And like all respectable towns,

FeIicity City

has its very own church.

Except here in this town,

if you see folks hurrying around

earIy Sunday morning...

it's because they are

on their way

to give their respects

to Felicity.

You see, my friends, it's not called

FeIicity City for nothing.

Heh! What is this,

some kind of jug?

No, not at all.

Very ancient, Ming Dynasty.

Very expensive.

Very ancient?

You gotta be kiddin' me.

After aII I've done for you,

you come here with an old jug?

You know, I think

l'm going to take a pass

on the oId jug,

if you don't mind.

Ming Dynasty.

Very expensive. Very ancient.

l think this idiot

actually believes it.

He's so darn cute

when he says "Ming Dynasty."

So true.

( laughs )

Yeah! Ha!

He's cute, all right.

Next time don't bring me no jug.

Get out.

- Who's next?

- Aha.

Ha ha, my darling Felicity.

( chuckIes )

( rattling )

Personally, l would have preferred

Iiving on the prairie

like my ancestors. But...

- ( coins rattIing )

- ...l made a promise long ago

that has kept me

tied to this place--

a promise

to watch over someone.

- ( slaps )

- Ugh!

- ( thumps )

- Uhh!

Cinderella.

Let go of poor Bob McDonagan

this instant.

- What do you think you're doing?

- Sorry, but l had no choice.

These two had to learn to remove

their hats when seeing a lady

and not to spit.

Oh, no, no, no, don't you

look at me like that, Cinderella.

( chuckles )

You're straying down a crooked path,

- so stop your grinning.

- ( ostrich grunts )

( grunts )

lt's incredible.

There's not a single guy

in this miserabIe town

who demonstrates

the least bit of chivalry.

Hyah!

Okay, so we're not in Mrs. Blah Blah's

lofty circle or anything,

but who cares? l mean, really,

can't they see l'm a girl?

I was just sitting there thinking

that if l answered her question,

she wouId most sureIy

punch me right in the nose,

when suddenIy, something

completely unexpected happened

that would finally allow me

to keep my promise.

A teIegram!

An actual telegram !

( panting )

- lt's for your mother.

- Stepmother.

Oh, that's right. I'm sorry.

Would you mind bringing it to her?

- l mean, l don't dare.

- ( spits )

You see, l have no gift

to bring her.

- ( sighs )

- Dogs:
And with this axe,

chopping very hard for--

- for your grace and beauty--

- Yeah.

- --we makes--

- Uh, make-- this lovely beaver.

( girl laughing )

Well, it's something, l suppose.

Very pretty.

But I'm not about to give

my daughters' hands to just anyone.

You two are poor,

and this ain't the lottery.

- Oh, yeah, but--

- Felicity:
Listen.

l ain't bartering my little angels

for a worthIess piece of wood.

- Right, darIings?

- Yeah, that's right, fellas.

l guess you ain't really

suited for us.

Yeah, that's too bad, boys.

( laughs )

Better luck to you next time.

( dog moans )

So that's it, huh?

A town of ingrates.

l've taken

everything from them

and now they've got

nothing left to give.

What the heck am l going

to do now for fun?

- l'm exhausted.

- ( door opens )

What are you doing here

in the house?

l told you to cut up

aII the wood.

I'm bringing my gift,

like everyone else does.

- Here, fetch.

- ( sniffs )

- ( screams )

- Oh!

- Ugh!

- ( dog growling )

Y'all better go get yourselves

aII gussied up, my darIings.

- ( daughter groaning )

- A prince is coming to my town!

( train whistle wailing )

Andale!

( laughs )

( train whistle blows )

( gunshots firing )

( gasps )

( ringing )

Goodness gracious,

what a ruckus.

Discovering the New World

requires certain sacrifices.

l suppose.

( gunfire continues )

( yelps )

( whistle tweeting )

Hyah!

( yelps, moans )

( grunts )

Woman:

Oh.

Man:
An extraordinary face, haggard

by the hard climate of the West.

Very authentic.

( garbled )

Your money or your life.

AIIow me. I don't understand

a word you're saying, my friend.

( grunts )

Gracias, seor.

What I said to you was,

"Your money or your life."

lt's up to you.

For lgor's sake,

would it be too much to ask

to be able to play a simple game

of cards without being interrupted?

I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I'm going

to have to cut this conversation short.

( yells )

( grunts )

( grunting )

Whoa!

Ah!

( howls )

( squawking )

( growling )

( train whistle tweets )

( grunting, sighing )

( all cheering, applauding )

( brakes screech )

( hissing )

That was fantastic!

This certainly is

a new worId.

Oh, my Lord. If I can just

find someone to play cards with--

l mean some real players.

l hope you have been

discreet, Mother.

As you know,

we are strictly incognito here.

Oh, Vladimir.

Your mother is not a gossip

and you know it.

l can assure you, my son,

that l haven't breathed a word

of our journey here

to a single living soul.

l am sorry.

You're wonderful.

( all cheering )

How lovely. Thank you.

- Not a word, Mother?

- Oh!

( Mother laughs )

Welcome, welcome, Your Highnesses,

to Felicity City.

Oh!

l am Felicity.

- And what you see is all me.

- ( fIy buzzes )

Having you here is a great honor

for simple people like us--

l mean, like them.

Please, l'd like to introduce you

to my daughters.

Melody? Harmony?

Where are those girls?

Oh, there are

my dearest darlings!

- At their studies as always.

- ( flute tweets )

Beautiful, aren't they?

Oh!

Ah! Who would have

expected to find

in such a dry and

hostile-seeming place like this--

Such tempting and juicy salads?

It's aImost a miracIe.

They'll take good care of you.

Your Highness, it's all arranged.

- They'll be your guardian angels.

- Duchess:
Oh!

Oh, and there's going to be

a ball in your honor tonight.

Oh. Ha!

A ball?

What a stroke of luck, Mother.

l thought we were going to discover

the West and its rude austerity.

Eh! The carriage!

( tires screech, rumbling )

Ah, my violin.

Sheriff:

The law is unequivocal.

Train attacks are a crime.

Yes indeed,

l gotta make a point here.

( jaw harp twanging )

( grunts )

As if l didn't already have

enough to do, thanks to Felicity.

Now l'm forced to be a flunky

for the tourists.

Um, Cinderella, uh uh uh...

lt's true.

l mean, who cares about some stuffy

prince and duchess of so-and-so?

Prince VIadimir

Semyonovich Sergeyev Pichikov,

- at your service.

- ( Iaughs )

And your name is?

Uh, my name?

WeII, it's--

it's more of a nickname, really.

lt's Cinderella.

Her name is Cinderella.

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