Cinderella

1

(speaking in foreign language)

(playful instrumental music)

(speaking in foreign language)

Cinderella.

(playful instrumental music)

I want in, someone.

Hurry, just get that milkman

and jerk off that goat.

Get me some fresh milk.

Yesterday, milk was curdled.

If the lady of Avon comes,

get me one of everything.

I you get another wash,

you can have the water

to wash your hair.

You know there's a water shortage.

And then you'll take in more

laundry from the neighbors.

We need the money.

Don't make you another

wig of your sister's.

Keep working, work keep

your mind off sex.

Oh look.

This baby is daydreaming again.

I wonder what about.

Probably about all kinds of

dirty and degenerate dogs.

(laughing)

Dingling and dangling about her.

She mopes through her dreary day.

I think it's naughty.

I should say, if you

didn't if you ask me,

which I know you're about to do.

(laughing)

Shirking her little duties again.

Disgrace all.

Marbella, Marbella.

Give it a little two.

(sniffing)

(hoots)

Do you know, that a

not so little birdie

told me that it was none

other than little ass.

Rella over there that told

mama we go out at night.

I never did any such thing.

I wouldn't, believe me.

I did no such thing.

I wouldn't, believe me.

I did no such thing.

I wouldn't, believe me.

(shushing)

Really, Cinderella,

you are such a bore.

You always force us to behave

so unpleasantly to you.

I think that even a

tour most unpleasant,

we're not at all that

unpleasant, actually.

Are we?

(clacking)

Are we Cinderella? (Laughing)

Well, I...

Talk.

You think like a snail.

Honestly, why don't

you go old and die

before you would answer a

perfectly simple question.

Or was the question, never mind,

whatever she would answer

would be a bore.

Drucella, dear.

We mustn't forget about

Cinderella's indiscretion tip.

Mama, it was unforgivably naughty.

She must be punished, mustn't she?

Of course.

How else will she ever learn?

Let's see.

She can wash our dresses.

And they must be perfectly

pressed, do you hear?

Perfectly pressed.

(playful instrumental music)

Cinderella, sweep the

ashes from the fireplace

Cinderella, wash and

scrub up the entire place

Cinderella, polish

every little widget

Sit up straight girl, don't

you fuss and don't you fidget

And I wonder if I

have to face this scorn

Yes, I wonder just

why I was ever born

Times when I want to

cry, I spy a rainbow

When life is gray, the

flowers start to bloom

Or when a chilling wind

begins the rain flow

I take a moment to remind me

Someone will come

along and find me

Suddenly I can

smile away the gloom

Cinderella, braid my

hair and just for kickers

Cinderella, darn my

hose and iron my knickers

Cinderella, you're a

good-for-nothing wretch, girl

Where's my girdle

Goodness sake's, go

run and fetch girl

And I wonder, is

this all I'll ever be

Yes, I wonder, is there

nothing more to see

When I am cold, the

morning sun will warm me

When I am sad, the

birds begin my song

And when, at times, my

life begins to scorn me

I take a moment to remind me

Someday he'll come

along and find me

And the time goes

by and I am strong

Sometimes I think in a

wink of an eye it'll happen

Life rearranges and

changes tomorrow's tune

But just when I'm caught Ina

thought, I remember tomorrow

And just like today, it

will be on its way too soon

So I can't be down too

long or stay too lonely

For nothing can be

as awful as it seems

When things go wrong,

I know that I have only

To take a moment to remind me

Someone will come

along and find me

And we'll be forever

inside my dreams

(whirring)

[Stepsisters] Just a

second, we're going.

(whirring)

[Stepsister] Faster

Cinderella, faster.

[Stepsister] No,

slower, Cinderella.

[Stepsister] Faster.

[Stepsister] Slower.

[Stepsister] Faster.

[Stepsister] Slow.

(screams)

(trumpets blaring)

(groans)

Oh boy, oh boy. (Laughing)

Chamberlain, Chamberlain.

Come here at once.

(laughing)

(thuds)

(groans)

Yes, my liege.

(laughing)

(moans)

It's a whopper.

I will summon the

queen immediately.

No, you fool.

Fetch me my baggy pants.

I'm taking this one into town.

(laughing)

[Chamberlain] Too late, my lord.

(whistles)

Good morning, your majesty.

Good morning.

Chamberlain, leave us.

We have private

business to discuss.

Clod.

What is it you want, your highness.

Your highness indeed, you

horny little jack off.

But what do you want, my queen?

Next month, our son will

reach his 21st birthday.

Well this calls for a double

celebration, I would say.

[King] A double celebration?

21 years ago was the

last time you had

a royal boner.

Really? (Laughing)

If you had been in here

a few minutes ago,

you wouldn't be so quick

to judge me. (Laughing)

But I'm not talking

about pierced hard on.

Oh, oh, don't hurt

me, don't hurt me.

Consider this pleasure.

(grunts)

Let's get down to business.

Now I don't mind preparing the ball

but one thing I will not

do, and I don't know

how capable you are,

and that is tell him

the facts of life.

The boy knows absolutely

nothing about sex.

(trumpeting)

(laughing)

(gentle instrumental music)

There was a time when

my scepter would climb

Whene's a sweet lass came my way

If the damsel was built,

the tilt of my kilt

Was a bold invitation to play

But now the thrill's

faded, his highness is jaded

I'm rather a sad, royal bloke

Girls plead for the

chance to fondle my lance

And I just fall

asleep in mid-stroke

With many of them,

I have tried S and M

But I get no kick from the pain

And though you may think

I'm not one for a kink

I once made it with a Great Dane

I can't raise a bulge in my tunic

Per chance I'm becoming a eunuch

Or am I headed

straight for the day

When I'm blissfully

happy and gay?

I've known more delights

than King Arthur has knights

My sex life is legend to some

But I've lost my touch

and I dread it very much

The day when my

kingdom won't come

Kingdom won't come

My kingdom won't come

Can't get my kingdom to come

(moaning)

I don't care if the

prince can't come.

My pee-pee's getting very hard.

(laughing)

(blowing)

[Woman] Hi majesty the kind

and her highness the queen

proclaim a great ball.

(gasps)

In honor of the

birthday of the prince

who will choose a bride.

A bride.

[Woman] From all the

fair maidens of the land.

(shrieks)

We gotta get ready for the ball.

Forget it, you're pregnant.

(minstrel music)

(moaning)

Is your father about?

My business is with him.

He's out setting

beaver traps, my lord.

Beaver traps?

There's no beaver in this

part of the country.

What do you call

this then, my lord?

The fern.

A bush?

[Chamberlain] A bush?

A beaver, my lord.

Beaver?

Fern, bush, beaver?

Bush, beaver, fern.

Then put your beaver

next to her bush.

Yes, my lord.

Now that's a fern.

Ere here, ere here, my lord.

What are you doing?

With me two lovely birds.

Birds, birds, birds. (Stuttering)

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