City Hall Page #2

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But a probation report is not kosher.

A probation report is merely

a probation report.

I am a good Louisiana

lapsed Catholic, Abe.

Don't talk to me about kosher.

Give it to me straight.

What's wrong with this?

It's too kosher.

Translate that for me.

The Virgin looks pregnant to me.

Look. The supervisor signed this.

So what?

That's a lot of weight for a 4-C.

So what happened...

...to the original

little probation officer?

Where is his signature?

Do you know this supervisor?

His name is Schwartz.

- A landsman of yours?

- Landsman...

...landsman.

Stop trying your Yiddish out on me.

You sound like a Shakespearean actor

from a Savannah pogrom.

- But do you know him?

- Sure. But the trial was 2 years ago.

I was long gone from the department.

Hello, Larry.

Good to see you.

This is Deputy Mayor Calhoun.

The first deputy mayor

to set foot on this floor.

We had a commissioner once,

but it was the wrong floor.

- May I have a seat?

- Please sit.

Abe, you're already at home here.

I think I know why you're here.

I've logged 12 calls already.

Tino Zapatti.

- You want to know why I handled it.

- Exactly.

Because sometimes we get overloaded.

And you take on the extras?

The extra-specials.

Such as Zapatti family members?

Something like that.

- Mr. Deputy Mayor...

- "Kevin" is good enough.

Any case that comes here

that looks like it's connected...

...I take a special interest in.

- Why's that?

- To avoid making mistakes.

You sure made one on this.

I blew one, okay?

I don't mind admitting it.

But let me tell you something.

I'd rather blow one in 100...

...than send 10 men away on

mandatories who don't deserve them.

You sound like an enlightened man.

And you sound like

you're f***ing with me.

You have anything to add, Abe?

It's okay. You're doing fine.

Everyone wants to know

how these things happen.

How long have you been on this job?

Three years.

Look, these things happen...

...because we are awash here.

In criminals,

in half-baked social workers...

...in a city that doesn't function,

in a world...

...that doesn't know

right from wrong.

- Mr. Schwartz?

- Larry.

I owe you an apology.

No apologies.

I came in here

with a big head of steam.

It was inappropriate.

Look, it takes more than...

...three years to get up to speed

in this department.

Only one man would've made

a good probation officer. Kafka.

And he wasn't available.

Thank you, Larry.

Call me if something

opens up in the big building.

You know, keep me in mind.

He'll be right with you.

South Brooklyn Democratic Club.

I don't think it makes

any difference whatsoever.

Have your son stop by.

I'll be happy to

take care of it.

Gussie, come on in.

Hello, Mr. Anselmo.

Thank you so much...

...for seeing me.

- You look beautiful.

- Thanks a lot.

- Let me get that.

It's my pleasure.

So how can I help you?

- They're gonna throw me out.

- Who?

- Morty Brill.

- No one'll throw you out.

He says I'm underoccupied.

Can I help it if my daughter moves out?

Isn't she entitled to a life of her own?

Of course. How is Helene?

- Still working at the navy yard?

- Thanks to you.

So what can you do for me,

Mr. Anselmo?

Well, it's simple.

See that Mr. Brill

obeys the law.

You're grandfathered in over there.

If he says you're not, call me.

A landlord like Morty Brill

looks for ways around rent control.

How would he understand a law meant for

working stiffs like you and me?

Thanks, Mr. Anselmo.

Thanks a lot.

Mr. Schwartz is right outside.

Thanks, Clara.

- I'm sorry.

- Would you come speak to my club?

Which club?

Terrible Tiles Mahjong Club.

How many Tiles belong?

You got it, sweetheart.

- Just tell me when.

- Fantastic!

You'll come for dinner before?

- I'll make a brisket.

- I love brisket. Get home safe.

Well, I'm taking a cab anyway.

Thanks again.

Hello, Larry.

- I gotta see you, Frank.

- Well, here I am.

How about a cup of coffee?

No, thanks.

We gotta talk.

Are you finished here?

Well, the business of government...

...is never finished.

Come on, let's take a walk.

Mr. A!

How are you, Milton?

I'm as corny as Kansas in August

I'm as normal as blueberry pie

No more a smart little girl

With no heart

I have found me a wonderful guy

Speaking of blueberry pies...

...bring us a couple, Milton.

Are you la mode?

No, thank you.

I don't want any pie.

Apple for him.

And coffee, Milt.

- What's the matter?

- You know, Frank.

You look terrible.

You should take a vacation.

I don't want a vacation.

I got 18 years in, you know?

I save up my time.

I put in my hours.

I'm eligible for pension in 6 months.

I don't want a vacation!

So what is it?

Get the deputy mayor off my ass.

"Shrimpboats"?

Him. Yeah.

You couldn't handle him?

It was easy.

That's what I'm saying.

It was too easy.

Don't throw bouquets at me

Don't please my folks too much

Don't laugh at my jokes too much

People will say we're in love

What was that?

Milton and I are great

Rodgers and Hammerstein fans.

"When you walk through a storm,

keep your head up high. "

It's not your signature

on the probation report.

Now watch your mouth.

That was quite a risk you took.

The guy was wrong.

No, mayor.

I don't care if he is from New York.

Tells off a

Cabinet member like that...

...he's your enemy for life.

Secretary of Urban Development...

...that's the hand

that feeds the cities.

You know, senator...

...they say a man's stature...

...is determined by his enemies,

not his friends.

It also got you

the cover of Time.

You're going national...

...Mayor Pappas.

People magazine next.

That "stature" thing.

Who said that?

I believe I did, a minute ago.

I was having an acute attack

of self-importance...

...but it's about to come to an end

because here's the man...

...to cut me down to size.

Kevin, we missed you.

Sorry, folks.

Didn't mean to interrupt you.

Kevin's been busy today, I'll bet.

This must be Mrs. Marquand.

It's been quite a day for you.

We don't want any stray bullets

around Madison Square Garden.

Ignore the senator.

He keeps a little

anchor to windward.

Don't we all?

Shouldn't we return to

the burning issue of the day?

The convention?

We'll turn this city

upside down for you.

We'll stage the

right kind of convention.

- What kind is that?

- The kind that re-elects the President.

Where else?

Second cities like Chicago?

Resonating with memories

of Hubert in '68?

California?

The land of Jerry Brown and Tom Hayden

that nominates a Mondale.

You could go to Miami,

but it's Casablanca.

We'll make you a winner right here.

You're not a New Yorker, are you?

Ferriday, Louisiana.

Huey Long country.

"Every man a king,"

but no one wears a crown.

I love this guy.

Thank you so much.

Lovely evening.

Kevin, give me a call

in the morning.

I need some stuff for

The New York Times.

An editorial lauding our choice

of convention city.

The President loves a good

Times editorial.

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